Please help me settle this debate!?

[anon1987]

5 years ago when on holiday with my family and in laws, my partner got a panic attack so I had to take over driving one of the cars.

I was heavily pregnant and had barely driven since taking my test.
In tow I had my 2 daughters and my MIL.

We were following my FIL with my partner as a passenger in his car.

To get to the car park it involved driving up a very (and I mean very!) steep hill, (mountainous area.)

I approached the hill in 2nd gear and realised that the car wasn't going to make it when I was already half way up.
The car started to roll backwards, so I slammed my foot on the break repetitively but they just wouldn't work!
In the end as a split second last minute decision I pulled the hand break and we slid fast in a curve landing just an inch short of the cliff edge.
If it wasn't for a huge rock stopping the car, then we would have gone over.

My MIL opened the door then slammed it on her leg and then got out of the car and fell over, all whilst I was sat there in shock and trying to comfort my little girls.
My MIL fractured her leg.

I have always been blamed for that fracture despite there being 2 reasons why she would have fractured it (slamming her leg and falling over).

Secondly my MIL weighs over 25 stone, now this isn't meant to offend bigger ladies, but I blame the fact the car wouldn't stop on a combination of MILS weight and seriously steep hill. Yet my dp family say I'm stupid because I obviously didn't bother to break?!?!!
My MIL saw me frantically breaking!!
Yet she says nothing.

Who is to blame here? I need to settle this argument, because my dp mentioned it again this evening and it annoyed the hell out me.

Then, I am sorry, there was nothing wrong with the brakes. It was your driving at fault. Whether you should have been drinking is in question. The result is not your responsibility. But yes. It wasn't mils weight. That's genuinely not how cars work, brakes WORK.
They do. If they failed at 25 stone then frankly, in the obesity crisis- there'd be more injuries.

You managed to drive the same hill without her weight. Also without the stress of not having driven in many years (according to your op) and without the stress of your partner being in an anxiety attack. Presumably also without a full car. It wasn't her weight that made the difference to the driving of the hill- or the performance of the brakes.

Honestly, five years on from the incident - which was clearly traumatic for everyone involved - you all need to put this behind you

Cooking so I was in the correct gear, and then used the correct method to get up further...car started to slide backwards and brakes and hand brake wouldn't work.

Then 20 minutes later as if by magic the car makes it up the hill (with me driving it) using the same gears as before.

Was it really my driving at fault?

Or do you think that we were faced with an unusually steep hill, and an overloaded car that wasn't built for mountainous terrains?

OMG they sound like idiots. They should just be thanking their lucky stars every day that you all got out alive. Shame about mils leg, but seriously - you were inches from death!

You handled it very well imho, OP/

Just realised that doesn't help in any way, and doesn't come close to addressing the OP!

Olennas I have gotten over it, I just thought it would be interesting to hear other people's opinions since it was mentioned (jokingly) by my dp this evening.

You needed to be in first gear if second gear wouldn't work.

The only difference that weight makes to how brakes work is that the vehicle will have a longer stopping distance when heavier. Not whether the brakes work in the first place

Olennas that's exactly what I did, I tried to downshift to 1st and then the car started rolling backwards.
The brakes and hand brake were crunching as we slid downwards.

I am not blaming you. But I do question your opinion on the events. Your mils weight wouldn't do what you claim it did. I'm am sorry, but that's really not how brakes and especially hand brakes work. Cars towing caravans park on hills. People don't follow guidelines for the weight of cargo in caravans. They still don't fail.

You were in an horrifically high stress, unexpected scenario. With a mil you dislike, a panic attacking partner and unexpected and inexperienced drive. It isn't your fault your mil was injured. BUT it wasn't her weight either.

I think the bigger issue here is why is your DP siding with his mother rather than you?

I would be upset that he isn't listening to your side of things.

It definitely doesn't sound like it was your fault at all.

Cooking but we're not talking about any old hill, we're talking about an extremely and disturbingly steep hill (refer to pic)

I don't dislike my MIL at all, I take her everywhere with me (except steep hills) have her round for coffee etc we get along rather well actually.

Like I said I was able to drive up ok shortly after.

The brakes were grinding trying to work, and the hand brake was also trying to work, but they weren't enough to allow me to hill start, which is why we rolled downwards.

Lucy thankyou yes it does upset me, but it irritates me more so then anything.
My dp is the type of man, to get a decision in his head and not be swayed from it.

Have you tried calling him out on it? Have you asked him directly if he thinks you're lying?

Brakes don't grind, but gears do - did you maybe slip out of gear, hence the car rolling backwards, but then when they were properly engaged the next time you were able to drive up fine?

And did you maybe press the clutch pedal rather than the brake pedal when you started (understandably) to panic? That would explain you repeatedly pressing it but not getting any traction

Lucy tbh he just thinks I was an 'incompetent driver' and says "well you should have used the brakes and the hand brake then"
Grrr so frustrating!!
Anybody, even if they've never driven in their life..would use the brakes and handbrake in that situation.
I just don't get why they think I can't have used them and why my MIL doesn't stick up for me and instead just laughs along with them over it.

If you tried to downshift a manual car from second gear to first gear, going uphill, and the car started slipping back your gears weren't engaged. You'd partly or wholly slipped into neutral. Going from second into first, uphil, needs to happen swiftly smoothly and confidently if you don't want to roll back downhill. The brakes don't come into it unless you bring the car to a complete halt, put on the handbrake, go into first, find your biting point, release the handbrake and speed up. Manuals don't slip if they are in gear. They stall. I suspect you were pumping the clutch, not the brake.

Olennas I definitely used the brakes because the car did start to slow a fraction When I say they grinded I meant they were making a noise like they were trying to work.

I think your MIL is possibly embarrassed about her weight and that's why she's not sticking up for you?

Your DP is siding with his mother over you. Which I think is the bigger issue here. He is prioritising her feelings over yours.

Cross posted with oleannaswimple. Sorry op, I think you were wrong.

And just to repeat, MIL's weight, at 25 stone, would not have made the brakes on a golf fail, especially when they worked just fine later. That's not how cars work.

Smittff
To be clear I started slowing and then changed to 1st gear when the car started struggling (as you would) but then it started sliding downwards, so I applied brakes and tried 3 or so more times before having to use handbrake (which also didn't work) and then the car swerved and we landed on a rock.

I definitely didn't use the clutch to break, I had my 2 little girls in the car and my MIL, I was hell bent on keeping us alive, that's not a mistake I'd make, plus I felt the brakes trying to work.

Smifftt did you see the photo of the hill I posted. We are talking about an abnormally steep hill here, meant for 4 wheel drives not little hatchbacks.

I believe you OP.

I think that you braked and the car didn't stop.

I think your DP is wrong to not take your word for it.

I did see the photo but tbh didn't want to comment on it. But as you've asked: assuming that's an accurate representation, wtf were you thinking? Pregnant, two small children, another human. Golf or Land Rover, you were extremely irresponsible accepting to do that. I'm not surprised you're still talking about it 5 years on. And don't say you had no choice: there's always a choice when the alternative is a good chance of death.