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Original poster

2 under 2?

34 replies

doingbetter · 09/02/2017 16:38

Looking for some advice. Currently have 1 dc who is 8 months. We are thinking about trying for a second asap, so I would possibly have 2 under 2 by my own choice. I have no support (family or friends) other than my partner who works full-time. I would have the option of putting the first into childcare for at least half a day as soon as they are 1. Am I being ridiculous thinking I can manage with 2 under 2? Or should I give myself (and my body!) more time? Im early 30's but don't want to wait too long as have some small fertility niggles and although I am currently only thinking of having two children I would like to at least have the option to have more if I changed my mind.
So wwyd, would you go ahead with trying for a second or would you wait?

TIA Smile

OP posts:
BlahBlahBlahEtc · 09/02/2017 16:44

I think 2 under 2 will be very demanding and relentless... BUT you'll also get rid of the yucky stuff in one go (potty training etc etc and sleepless nights) and they'll probably be very close siblings.
If it's something you can handle then go for it!
P.s I know a lady with 3 under 3... she panicked a lot but now the littlest is born she's like supermum.

Msqueen33 · 09/02/2017 16:45

I had two with a 13 month gap. It is hard work and I'm fairly tough (so I'm told). Youngest had autism so that did make it more difficult. I did it on my son as husband worked full time and no family locally. Was a hassle when one walked off one way and the other crawl or walked in the other. I'd say be prepared for it to be tough. But they're very close now. Well they've always been close. We then had a three year gap between the middle and youngest. Youngest also has autism but the gap was a bit easier. I did miss out on doing lots of 1:1 paid groups and such and swimming as the cost with two would have been hard but they're great mates. They can do a lot of similar things like theme parks, cinema. The early years are hard but it depends on your kids. My middle when she was young was very very hard work (a lot of that was down to the autism). But it's enjoyable once they get bigger.

WanderingTrolley1 · 09/02/2017 16:50

I had two, 12 months apart.

I would say, unless you have a very good support network, don't do it. It nearly broke me and I am still trying to recover 3 years later.

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PleasantPhesant · 09/02/2017 17:00

2 under 2 does has it good and bad points.

I personally wouldn't do it again but only because it's very full on for a good two years . My dh works ft and who wants to look after 2 under 2 for you? It's a big ask even if you did have family around.
Who would have your eldest when you're in labour?

2 having a tantrum at the same time is always good fun.
Putting two to bed if either or both are ill is also fun.
Waiting in a Drs/hospital/appointment with tired or fed up/hungry etc baby and toddler great too.

However-now our youngest is 4 it is a lot easier. The two of them play (mostly) quite nicely together and keep themselves entertained most of the time. I have to referee occasionally daily but I think you get that with any siblings.

They have a great bond and it's a different bond they have between them than our eldest has with either of his siblings.

Now the youngest is 4 I wouldn't want to go back to nappies again. I'm just about getting my life back a bit after what feels like forever. So part of me thinks I'm glad I got the two of them out of the way as it were in one go.

I feel there's no right or wrong time to have a dc. It's easier second time around in a way too because you don't have the rose tinted specs on and you know what a baby is like and what to expect.

There's no right answer. It's hard work but then the hard work gets easier eventually

PleasantPhesant · 09/02/2017 17:02

In fact my two are attempting the murder of each other right now!

MiaowTheCat · 09/02/2017 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElspethFlashman · 09/02/2017 17:08

I did it. No family support like you. Just me + DH.

Tbh it was nursery for the eldest that saved me. I was thankful every day! Cos a barely two year old is a live wire.

And DH was VERY hands on. He would take one whilst I had the other. Divide and conquer. We were a great team.

If your DH is like that, then you can do it. But if he's a bit crap, then leave it for a few years till eldest is going to school.

Pros: I was still "in the baby zone". So I was a dab hand at it the second time round. All fresh in the head and you do things better and don't make the same mistakes .

ElspethFlashman · 09/02/2017 17:11

Oh and for delivery, I basically had to ask the next door neighbours to babysit! A bit awkward but it's amazing what you'll do when you have no bloody choice!

And of course it was fine.

Blueredballoon · 09/02/2017 17:13

We had 2 under 2 and it was fine. My oldest was a great sleeper and is very chilled though which helped a lot. They're super close now which is the best part.

Original poster
doingbetter · 09/02/2017 17:15

Thanks for the replies. I know it would be hard work, I had perhaps romanticised it a little in my head but I know what you say is true. My sister and I are only 13 months apart and have gone from wanting to kill each other as teens to being incredibly close now. My mother actually had three of us under 4 and she said we were a nightmare. I was hoping two may have been doable for me…
I am currently attempting to map out my possible future a bit and trying to look at all my options. I realise this may be a futile exercise as it could all go very differently!!!

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 09/02/2017 17:21

Not quite 2 under 2s but also had no support and dp working away 2 weeks every month.

Very knackering especially as ds walked at 9 months. I can honestly say I never took my eyes off them as they got on so well they ganged up on me Grin

Shamoffour · 09/02/2017 17:24

I had 3 under 4. The last two were 13 months apart. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I would not recommend it. They are 6,3 and 2 now (also got an 11 year old) it's easier but my god the fighting.

Thisisnotreallymyname · 09/02/2017 17:24

I had 3 under 2 yrs 8 months !😏
Yes it was hard at the time , but I was. SAHM with no extra help.
They are all adults now and get on brilliantly. Really glad I did it that way x

tricornel · 09/02/2017 17:26

I found it ok - 14 months between mine. It's was tiring at times, but once I'd accepted that is never sleep again ever it was more bearable Grin and as they got a bit older (even 2 and 1) they'd play together really well so I did get to have the occasional cuppa in peace - something I definitely don't get with my youngest who is at home with me while the eldest two are in school. Organisation is absolutely key. Meal planned, online shop, pjs for the night laid out in the morning etcetc. I survived, and quite enjoyed it. I did a degree at the same time too full time but distance learning Confused

inniu · 09/02/2017 17:29

I did this. And number two turned out to be twins, so 3 under 2. Husband worked abroad. No family near by.

We took some of the money we had saved to move to a bigger house and got some help in.

Elllicam · 09/02/2017 17:33

I found it ok with an 18 month gap. it was busy at first but they play together really nicely now at 4 and 2 1/2. It's lovely to watch.

MrsMarigold · 09/02/2017 17:35

I had two under 2, fifteen month age gap. My DH was very busy with work and I literally never saw him. No family around, only relative who came to stay in the Marigold Hotel. Now my DC are 4 and 5 they get on brilliantly, but they do fight loads too. However, had I known I don't think I would've done it. I was so exhausted and lots of other things slipped.

Redkite10a · 09/02/2017 17:36

DS was 12 months when I got pregnant with DD, so we have a 21 month age gap. I found it hard going while pregnant, as DC1 was still very physically demanding and couldn't understand at all that I couldn't do stuff as I was ill. If you didn't have an easy pregnancy first time, I'd think about how you'd cope carefully. It's also likely DC1 will still be in the teething and getting lots of illnesses stage while you have a newborn so if you are without a hands on partner it could be very hard going.

DD is now 3 months so we are in early days, while it is true it's good how much baby stuff you remember it is definitely hard work and if we have a 3rd we'll have a bigger gap next time. Ive been promised we'll start seeing the benefits of having them close once DD is about 1 and they start entertaining each other, I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

80schild · 09/02/2017 17:38

17 months here. It was hard when they were little and I think it had a really negative effect on my eldest for a while. It still has its moments now they are 6 and 7 but is getting better.

MyBreadIsEggy · 09/02/2017 17:38

I have 2 under 2 Smile
A 21 month old DD and a 4 month old DS. I fell pregnant when my DD was 8 months old!
My DH is in the Forces and is currently on a 4 month deployment overseas.
I won't lie to you: it's bloody hard work! But once you get into the swing of a basic routine, it all falls into place.
Just before my DH left, I was freaking out about how I would get both kids bathed and dressed by myself, and now bath time runs like a well oiled machine majority of the time!
And I would definitely recommend investing in a decent sling! Has been a life saver for me. DS can snooze away, while I still have two hands free for DD. Can't believe I wasted money on a double pram Hmm

PicnicPie · 09/02/2017 17:38

Exactly like PP. 18mo gap now 2.5 and 4. The last 2.5 years been hard but starting to see light at the end of tunnel as littlest starts to communicate and play better.

MyBreadIsEggy · 09/02/2017 17:39

Oh and I totally agree with the people that say it's harder being pregnant and looking after a toddler than it is having a newborn and a toddler!!

SecondsLeft · 09/02/2017 17:39

I had a 23 month gap and yes it was probably the hardest thing I ever did, but I also like that they are only one school year apart so you go through the stages at the same time, they enjoy the same things on family holidays etc. And although you could conceive straight away, for most it will not happen straight away. So I think I am saying don't wait too long, and don't worry too much, but allow youself some time if you think you need it mentally or physically.

Ruby2202 · 09/02/2017 17:40

I have a two year age gap and it's been very full on. It's been a hard 2 years at time and it's only now dd is 2 and ds is 4 that I am starting to see the light.

I would wait really. 2 years was so hard, I can't imagine an even smaller age gap.

feelingdizzy · 09/02/2017 17:42

I did it as a single parent,marriage ended before 2nd born,it was relentless,but they are now 14 and 15 so they have gone through all the stages together,I had babies ,toddlers,primary and we are now a,teenage house ( a mixed blessing).It has worked for me.