To move kids abroad to a country you dislike...

[Lake2]

Hi all,
I've changed my name for obvious reasons.
My husband is Norwegian and has lived here 10 years and had a good job. We have a toddler and a 4 year old.
I'm happy here, although we barely have any family as my parents also live abroad. However, DH has been recently made redundant and has now got a new job in Norway, which he is loving. Up to now, he's been coming back for weekend visits once or twice a month. This is obviously very upsetting for our little family as he is constantly leaving and it takes us a few days to settle back into our routine and to 'get used' to not having him around.

This was meant to be a short term plan until he found work in the U.K...he has now sprung it on me that he wants to stay there and wants me and the kids to move there.
For any possible Norwegians, I don't mean to offend, but I just really don't like Norway. The culture/weather/lifestyle/people/language is very different to here in the U.K. I don't speak a word of Norwegian and neither do my children. Our 4 year old has recently started a very good school and feeling settled.
Being apart it obviously no good for our family but I feel that tearing my kids away from a place they know and going to a foreign speaking country is just awful. Every time I'm in Norway, I feel extremely isolated and homesick and just can't wait to get home. DH arguing that we could have a better life there etc etc but just the thought makes me feel sick.
As of now, he's unwilling to leave his new job in Norway and not backing down.
WWYD?

Don't do it. I'm a fan of interculturalism and I feel pan European in many ways. BUT I would only live in a country that appealed to me (Switzerland, France, Italy) because being a foreigner abroad is really difficult and alienating even if you adore the place and are married to a local and speak the language fluently. Without those things, it will be horrible. And you have kids so you will be trapped there for all the reasons others have said.

The economy is not so bad that your DH couldn't find a job in the UK in a year or two. Or you could compromise a bit more - e.g. Spend the summer hols over there. Scandinavian countries in the summer are brilliant (countering how utterly shite they are in the winter!)

I would be careful about the 'I would never live somewhere I wouldn't be attracted to'.
I've been in the uk for 20 years. I moved to be with DH but I would never have chosen the uk. Too wet, not enough sunshine plus a lot of other things. Incl being extremely difficult to integrate within the country when you aren't in London but in a small MC town in the North of England.
I've also lived in other countries who weren't that easy either but then no country is easy to integrate TBH...

I doesn't mean that I am not integrated in the country or I can't be happy. It takes time, it can be hard and requires a strong will to be part of that society (or you live like an expat in your little circle of friends who are from the same country than you)

That isn't the issue here.

The issue is that the OP doesnt that want to move abroad (first red flag). Her DH wants to, decided to look for a job there (second red flag) and then decided that he wants to stay there and is imposing his POV (third red flag).
In effect, all the elements are there to say it's likely to end up in a mess.
Add to that the dcs and the potential issues of him not letting the dcs go back to the uk with the OP if they do get divorced, issue with him possibly not being able to get back to the uk etc... Even in much better circumstances, it would be taking a big risk.

It's making me think that

• either there was already some issues in the relationship, he never the reason he looked for a job so far away
• despite all the talk of feeling mor British, actually he is home sick (not impossible. You will change and adapt to the country you are living in and so will not be fully 'from home' anymore but you can long to live there)
• with the recent Brexit, other issues are cropping up for him, incl not feeling welcomed, worried about the future/his future etc etc

All of those potential sticking points should have been discussed in the first place. The fact they haven't and he is clearly taking unilateral decisions shows communication isn't good and maybe too, that the relationship is failing.

Thanks, everyone. So much useful input and given me lots to think about. Really appreciate all your comments