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Original poster

Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

380 replies

natalie204 · 30/08/2016 09:49

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

OP posts:
squoosh · 30/08/2016 14:38

I never knew MN had an Eitquette section!

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 30/08/2016 14:43

I bet it's just hundreds of people banging on about bloody debretts like its 1952, squoosh.

JigglypuffsCaptor · 30/08/2016 14:43

Mr ex-mil wore white to my wedding, didn't tell me till I got to the church and saw her in a full length white gown.

I was seething through our ceremony, then when we reached the venue, she came up to me to say how beautiful I looked and did I like her dress?! Hmm

I say said "yes" through gritted teeth, my brother however put the nail in the coffin when during his speech said "apparently (exh) mother seems to have forgotten she's not at her own bloody wedding and turned up like a cake topper" my family errupted with laughter, I died a death and my ex-h whispered in my ear "I don't like your brother" I replied " I don't like your mother"

We were divorced 18monthd later after a abusive marriage.

It's not the done thing to turn up in white.

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LobsterCrumble · 30/08/2016 14:44

In your position, I'd be far more concerned by the fact I thought my family would consider it OK to make someone feel uncomfortable about their outfit.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 30/08/2016 14:51

JigglyPuff good for your brother!!

MrsHam13 · 30/08/2016 14:55

Holy Moly Jigglypuffs! I hope you are much happier now out that family! High five to your brother ha!

squoosh · 30/08/2016 14:56

I bet it's just hundreds of people banging on about bloody debretts like its 1952, squoosh.

Or furious rants about being offered a paper napkin by some barbarian.

JigglypuffsCaptor · 30/08/2016 14:56

And Aii, he's always looked out for his little sister I suppose, he never liked ex-h and when found out what ex-h had done to me (which led to an assault charge and a restraining order) it took me, my mother and elderly grandmother to restrain him Blush

I repay him by still kicking him under the table when he comes for a family meal once a week Grin were still in our twenties!

Never get married at 21 will be my Moro for my children haha

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 30/08/2016 14:57

Worse: a paper serviette!

squoosh · 30/08/2016 14:58
PinkPlastic · 30/08/2016 15:22

I wouldn't worry about it, not worth the effort IMHO.

And FWIW she could be worse, she could be my then 60yo MIL and turn up to our very posh middle class wedding wearing perspex stripper sandals and a pink lycra bodycon bandage dress. My DAunt still talking about it 9 years later...

PinkPlastic · 30/08/2016 15:29

Ok just re-read thread. Sorry, an actual wedding dress us unacceptable

ZansSerif · 30/08/2016 15:34

If it's your MIL (as opposed to your own mum), she's never liked you and it's an actual wedding dress, I think it's reasonable to think she has an agenda - though it might be subconscious I suppose, so she's just somehow convinced herself it's a reasonable choice, and won't admit she's trying to be the centre of attention at her son's wedding.

I wouldn't have said anything, I'd have just changed my own dress to bright pink or something, and let her look daft on the day.

tinglyfing · 30/08/2016 15:50

I think for her sake, (assuming she hasn't chosen white deliberately) someone should have a word. She's gonna look a bit daft, in what sounds like, a bloody wedding dress.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 30/08/2016 15:53

Wtf! It's a bit off of her but to be honest I don't think I could bring myself to tell someone what to wear. She's going to look like an attention seeking jerk, even if she isn't. I actually feel a wee bit sorry for her! Blush Maybe she's yanking your chain.

TealLove · 30/08/2016 15:56

This is such a no.
Floor length white! Absolutely shocking.

Inertia · 30/08/2016 15:59

She's chosen a wedding dress to wear as a guest as her son's wedding- she'd need to be spectacularly naive to think that would be a good idea.

I think you were right to say something, but I think your husband-to-be needs to make it clear that if she wears this dress, then other guests are likely to form the opinion that she's deliberately trying to upstage or embarrass you.

Gallievans · 30/08/2016 16:06

Definitely something going on there! Muy (fantastic)MIL wore a biscuit coloured suit to ours. DH aged grandmother on the other hand refused to put on beautiful suit she had chosen with her DS specifically and turned up in slippers, scraggy skirt & top and o!d-fashioned apron over the top. Not suffering from dementia either, juyat didn't want to get all dressed up. Neither DH nor I actually noticed until after the service when having family photos with the grandparents. My DGM and his DGM & Great Aunt were so censorious it was hilarious.

But white at a wedding has always been a big no unless specified by the bride!

Koan · 30/08/2016 16:08

Yes the floor length as much as, or even more so than the white, is so obviously wrong. I didn't know this as etiquette till reading it here, just knew it from every wedding I've attended - only the bride or her bridesmaids wear floor length dresses and only the bride herself ime, wears white (or not, it's her prerogative).

MrsDeVere · 30/08/2016 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milkyface · 30/08/2016 16:17

Unless she's from a completely different background than you I'm guessing she will have heard that you shouldn't wear white to someone else's wedding.

Personally I'd be pissed, but I'd let her wear what she wanted, and I wouldn't pass comment on it at the wedding.

However, I'm sure pretty much every other female guest will pick up on it and be upset on your behalf and say something (to her face or behind her back)

As much as everyone will know you're the bride etc etc, it's just something you don't do in my eyes!

WankersHacksandThieves · 30/08/2016 16:20

I've been to a wedding recently where the brides mum wore a white outfit - it looked fine and not at all bridal and presumably the bride was fine with it. It just made her look part of the wedding party - all the bridesmaids/flowergirls were in white too.

Momoftwoscallywags · 30/08/2016 16:21

When I was very young and naive (around 20ish) I wore a full length, very beautiful white dress to the evening do of my then boyfriends work colleague.

I got a really odd look from the bride which I must say really upset me and she was frosty to me for the rest of our acquaintance, which was totally understandable considering the circumstances.

I only found out what a faux pas I had made when I mentioned what had happened to my Mother and she told me that it is usually only the bride who wears white to a wedding! I have never done it since.

So I wish to apologise to the bride now and I am only glad I am not in any of the photos and can only plead ignorance as my excuse.

QueenofFatAsses · 30/08/2016 16:21

Why does anyone care about this stuff, I mean really?
It is your day, you love your other half, what does it matter what any one wears?

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 30/08/2016 16:27

Personally I would get your MIL a really elaborate corsage with tons of ribbons and diamante a bit like these homecoming mums Winkhttp://yestotexas.com/12-things-non-texans-need-to-know-about-homecoming-mums/ Then she really will be centre stage.... and look like part of the wedding cake Grin