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Original poster

Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

380 replies

natalie204 · 30/08/2016 09:49

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/08/2016 14:12

If this worries you, I would say something. I would tell her it's considered bad form to wear a wedding dress when you're not the bride.

I cannot comment on whether this was a gaffe or one upmanship. Either way, she's going to look very silly in a dress designed to be worn by the bride.

I once went to a wedding where a cousin of dh wore a chic and expensive looking knee length white dress, which could easily have been a summer wedding dress. She came to dh and my wedding a couple of years later and her mother must have gone shopping with her for the outfit because it was the most dowdy muddy yellow you ever could see. I was [shocked] at both outfits.

Does your mil want to look ridiculous?

Hulababy · 30/08/2016 14:13

Have just caught up - missed some as OP posts are not highlight due to change of name.

Yes, to wear a bridal gown to another person's wedding is definitely not appropriate. And I think anyone would know not to where a bridal gown of any colour to someone else's wedding!

However, I don't think it would have bothered me overly. I don't think it would have taken away from my own role in my wedding, and any negative/awkward thoughts would not have been directed at me, but at the person wearing the dress.

And I still stand by my comment that it would be incredibly rude for any of the guests to actually openly criticise the MIL to be about her outfit at the wedding. It IS rude for them to do so, more so than wearing a white gown to the wedding is. And anyway, who wants their family to start making a scene at their wedding???

MoonfaceAndSilky · 30/08/2016 14:13

I can beat this, it's unlucky to wear green to a wedding

Did not know that

Interested in this thread?

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AgentPineapple · 30/08/2016 14:13

It is a thing not to wear white to a wedding, but is it really a big deal?

joseyjo79 · 30/08/2016 14:13

Wearing white to a wedding is a big no for me! i made it clear to my mil in advance as when we went shopping she picked a lovely cream dress to wear and I mentioned that id rather she didn't wear white or cream. If your mil has already got it it's too late really to do anything about. I would definitely ask my family not to say anything to her.

Maybe you could ask her to accessorise in the bridesmaids colours? Maybe she just wants to feel like a bigger part of the wedding party.

Stevefromstevenage · 30/08/2016 14:14

Mil wore a beautiful white outfit to my wedding. No one thought she was the bride so it was fine.

GarlicMistake · 30/08/2016 14:15

Well, OP, you basically told her she's chosen a shit outfit. The atmosphere is 'frosty' no doubt.

It may be poor etiquette to wear white, but it's bloody terrible manners to criticise a guest's appearance.

For what it's worth, I didn't hear about this 'rule' until my mid-thirties, when I planned to wear white to a wedding. It's not as widely-known as you think, and is probably quite recent. In a lot of countries/cultures, white is the traditional choice for guests.

I think you need to backtrack, with flowers & chocolates.

ohlittlepea · 30/08/2016 14:20

She's making herself look a dick. My sil tried to do this at my wedding white lacy dress luckily bil took one look and told her there was no way she was wearing a bridal dress to someone elses wedding. She'd only have been embarrassing herself tho.

bearleftmonkeyright · 30/08/2016 14:23

Is this your MIL on the left OP?

Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

GarlicMistake · 30/08/2016 14:26

She will have exchanged it by now, I guess. Hope they do the same one in different colours.

Fanjolena · 30/08/2016 14:26

I've heard of this but I honestly think it's ridiculous. Why does it really matter? Who will it hurt? Is she or anyone else in white really likely to be mistaken for the bride? Unless it's an actual wedding dress then let it go. Most brides are so wrapped up in their big day they couldn't give a flying rats arse what others are wearing.

Ragwort · 30/08/2016 14:28

My (ex - for a reason ) MIL did this; I had a civil ceremony but had a cream dress with a fairly distinctive style - MIL bought one practically the same - my DM had a tactful word with her, she still insisted on wearing to the actual ceremony but then she and my SILs changed into really scruffy 'casual' clothes for the reception.

I cannot believe that no one knows the rule about not wearing white/cream or black to a wedding.

squoosh · 30/08/2016 14:28

I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before

Suuuuure she hadn't heard that before..........

Hockeydude · 30/08/2016 14:28

She'll just look a complete arsehole if she wears white, I'd have not said anything and let her see how well it went down for herself.

ToffeeForEveryone · 30/08/2016 14:28

I think you need to backtrack, with flowers & chocolates.

GarlicMistake did you miss the part where the MIL has bought an actual wedding dress to wear to the wedding?! It's not just a white outfit (which would be strange enough). It probably is lovely, most bridal gowns are, but the person who has crossed a social boundary here is clearly the MIL, not OP ...

Ivydalegirl · 30/08/2016 14:29

Find it hard to believe she hadn't heard about this. You will look beautiful she will be getting whispered gasps!

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 30/08/2016 14:30

It is not bad manners to tell your MIL/mother a guest that it's not appropriate to wear a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. If you do it beforehand you're doing them a favour.

Who goes to the wedding dress section of monsoon to find an outfit for someone else's wedding?

Juliejelly1962 · 30/08/2016 14:30

I wore a creamy white dress to my sons wedding . It was knee length and it looked lovely. Only out of tescos too lol.

squoosh · 30/08/2016 14:30

The dress is from monsoons bridal range.

Easy peasy mistake to make!

ImYourMama · 30/08/2016 14:31

My MIL did this and it still rankles to this day! Every photo there are two white dresses. Grrrrrrr.

MyNightWithMaud · 30/08/2016 14:32

I have heard both the no white at a wedding and green is unlucky at weddings things.

I wouldn't have cared what colour people wore to our wedding - we didn't have a colour scheme or any of that hoopla - but surely wearing a bridal gown to another person's wedding is a bit nuts? They're hardly going to merge into the background. And is this a daytime wedding? A floor length dress in any colour seems OTT too, but maybe I'm out of touch. ::Old gimmer::

furryminkymoo · 30/08/2016 14:32

A friend wore a cream dress and jacket to our wedding, it was her actual wedding dress that she had worn for her wedding the previous year! at the time I didn't think too much about it but when we looked through the photos afterwards it does look she is a stand in bride.

I think that your DH to be needs to have a quiet word.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 30/08/2016 14:33

The not wearing white/cream thing is a total red herring. This is a thread about a guest deciding to wear a wedding dress to someone else's wedding.

There is absolutely no chance that the MIL didn't know this was unacceptable when she sauntered into monsoon and chose one of the White wedding dresses from the bridal section.

bearleftmonkeyright · 30/08/2016 14:33

Its a wedding dress. She is wearing a wedding dress to her sons wedding. A white dress is just about acceptable but a wedding dress? I would be eloping or running for the hills.

Firsttimemom2013 · 30/08/2016 14:34

My mom wore ivory to my wedding she looked stunning I wouldn't be bothered really

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