I don't want anyone announcing my pregnancy on Facebook!

[user1471855186]

Hi everyone - new to mumsnet and hoping for advice - thanks in advance!

My husband and I will not be announcing our pregnancy on Facebook and will post a photo after baby arrives.

I'm bridesmaid at the end of September and am worried bumpy photos of me will be posted - and the bride and I have over 70 mutual friends. Effectively she will be making a pregnancy announcement for us!

The safest way is to ask her not to post any of me. This seems a little high maintenance given that this is her big day. and she got cross with the other bridesmaid who asked her to take down some bumpy hen do photos for the same reason as me.

I don't want to be a bridesmaidzilla and have shut down as much as I can, privacy wise, but I really don't want to be outed. I even thought about of announcing it ourselves so at least it's done in our way in our time, but I really don't want to and fast changed my mind!

Any advice please? Thanks!

Why the big secret?

whether she or anyone else posted photos of you on FB, if it's obvious you're pregnant then people will know and surely at least one will comment?

You shouldn't really have agreed to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to be in any of the photos! I know it's your right to announce your pregnancy as you wish but it's really odd that you don't want to announce it at all until the baby is born!

Surely if it'll show on the photographs it'll show in real life!

And no, you cannot ask your friend to censor all her wedding photographs.

You presumably aren't keeping it a secret in real life? If there's people on your fb you don't want to know, one wonders why you're friends?

I didn't announce of fb as I struggled with fertility and know the pain of that particular kick in the teeth. Eventually someone put a photo of me with a v obvious bump up, and lots of people commented to say congrats etc. The photo uploader was mortified and apologised profusely. But I didn't care. People on my fb are my friends. I don't mind that they knew, I just didn't want to rub it in anyone's face.

You could change your settings so any pictures or comments you are tagged in do not automatically appear on your newsfeed and instead they wait in your notifications for you to agree if you want it on your newsfeed or not.

Strategic holding of your bridesmaid bouquet on all photos?

Tell her you can't be bridesmaid.

It's unfair to expect her not to share pictures of her day on your say so.

People will see you irl anyway, if there are people you don't want to know then block them rather than ask the bride to censor her pictures if you want to be bridesmaid.

I felt the same during my pregnancy, no fb announcement but I did attend events, weddings etc where pics were put online.

If people see your bump on fb it's no different imo to you seeing them at sainsburys etc. No one will really be looking at you, you're not the bride

Why don't you just announce your pregnancy before the wedding? Am l missing something here? If you are going to be obviously pregnant in your dress surely it's OK to start letting people know.

You can't expect your friend to exclude photos that include her bridesmaids from FB. That's really unreasonable!

Also meant to add I have a pregnant bridesmaid at my wedding (who had announced it) many of my guests who didn't know her didn't even notice. She was 6 months with her second.

How pregnant will you be? 2 weeks before my dd was born I wore a hoodie to the supermarket and the cashier had no idea (from our conversation!). Depending on dress style it may not even be an issue.
If it's that important to you I would just block your account for now - even if people see then you won't be aware.
You can't ask a friend to not share wedding photos.

Will none of the 70 mutual friends see your bump at the wedding then OP?

Chances are it won't even be that obvious in September. Hold you bouquet in front of your bump, don't do any side on or obvious posed bump photos and if you like, make sure everyone you don't want to find out via FB already knows just in case. But YWBU to ask her not to upload any photos of you!

You're going to the wedding, presumably with many of those mutual friends. They'll see the actual bump.

Wow! Thank you all you're brilliant - that was quick!

The reason for being a little uncomfortable is that we had a real struggle getting pregnant and had IVF so it's been a rough ride getting here - I know that's the case for a lot of people and we're not unique on that front. I'm a little worried about it being all over Facebook until baby is here safely. People we want to know, know, as we told them by text after the 12 week scan or they just saw us and saw the bump!

I totally agree with you all - I'd NEVER tell a bride what to do with photos of her special day. Funnily enough the mutual friends won't be at the wedding, they're "Facebook friends" in as much as friends from school that we haven't seen for decades but you comment/like occasionally but nothing more. I think strategic flower holding is a great idea :-) Fair point about agreeing to be a bridesmaid - I was asked though before I got pregnant! And also yes - eyes are on the bride, and not me, I am sure I'm being over sensitive to it and actually even if bump is obvious it's not the main event. Yes I'll def avoid side on bumpy posed shots.

I may talk to my husband again about announcing it early - we have a month so have a while to think about it and change my mind several times again!!

Thank you all SO MUCH x

It's not fair for you to put this pressure on the bride/family/friends

If you are that anti, then you should not go to any events where people may take photos

What is your big objection to it being on Facebook?

Cross posted

No worries!

How pregnant will you be by the time you are a bridesmaid?

It really isn't fair to suggest your friend limit her wedding photos for your convenience, I'm afraid.

Congrats on the pregnancy!

Thank you! We thought it would never happen ... so feeling very lucky! :-)

Oops - 26 weeks.

Thinking that we announce it and get in there first ... that's where I'm at now, it's great reading so many comments especially all making similar suggestions and points. And thank you! It's a very happy time and we feel very lucky :-)