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Do I forgive my Dad for watching child pornography

82 replies

Kynance71 · 15/01/2016 19:49

I really need help. Back in November while my Dad was in hospital from his 2nd stroke I found out he had been looking at children on the Internet. It makes me sick to my stomach and I have gone through every emotion since.
I took his laptop when I left from visiting him for the weekend and went straight to the police after getting DH to look at his history.
12yo girl and sex etc. I was in turmoil, my whole life in question. My Dad who I adored, how could he do this?
I asked him over the phone as we live 200 miles from each other a week later and he admitted to it. I hung up and have ignored his calls since.
Christmas and New year were awful but I have 3 kids (all be it older g24, b21 & g15) that I wanted to have a normal time.
They all know and are devastated. dd24 doesn't want him at her wedding later on in the year.
I have a couple of best friends who this has stirred up some demons of their own and have been a massive support.
I've just had this week off as a long term depression sufferer I can feel my self slipping. I wanted to go see him today but got an hour away and I flipped and couldn't do it so DH turned round and we came home. I feel relieved but still I need to either see and forgive/help or cut all ties.
The police have been a massive support and can't do anything as he is ill still in hospital. They got a warrant and took all other computers etc and called me to say that it was on them too. I asked if it was going back before his 1st stroke and it was for a long while.
He's my Dad but it's so wrong on every level. Those poor poor children.
I just don't know where to go from here 😪 I'm lost and broken.

OP posts:
ChristmasHousewife · 15/01/2016 19:52

Easy answer - fuck no!!!

walkinginmercury · 15/01/2016 19:53

I personally couldn't forgive. What did the police do? Does he gave access to children?

Quodlibet · 15/01/2016 19:54

I think some professional therapy might be warranted to help you unpick this horrible issue. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. Hugs.

ThomasRichard · 15/01/2016 19:55

No, but it sounds as though you could use counselling to come to terms with it.

Error404usernamenotfound · 15/01/2016 19:56

I'm so sorry, what an appalling thing for you to discover. All I can think to say is that you don't have to make a permanent decision right now. If being in contact with him, or the thought of contacting him, causes you distress then don't, until you feel stronger and the shock is less raw.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Flowers
lunar1 · 15/01/2016 19:56

There is only you who can decide. What he has done is hideous and there is a whole world out there to hate and judge him for it.

I don't think you should feel guilty for whatever you decide. What we all say we would do may be completely different to what we would actually do if faced with this.

coffeeisnectar · 15/01/2016 19:57

I just couldn't forgive that on any level.

Tiggeryoubastard · 15/01/2016 19:59

Basically what Christmas said but in caps.
FUCK NO.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 15/01/2016 19:59

How awful for youFlowers I agree that you could probably do with some professional help on thinking through these issues.You can't just suddenly stop loving him,no matter what your disgust and horror at what you've discovered.I really feel for youFlowers But objectively, no, I would not forgive nor would I see him again.

Arfarfanarf · 15/01/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuffandBother · 15/01/2016 20:01

Oh Kynance, how horrid for you. My life has been turned upside down by something similar, years later the repercussions still ripple, it's has ripped out family apart Sad look after yourself

expatinscotland · 15/01/2016 20:02

NO, I could never forgive that.

Hassled · 15/01/2016 20:03

This must be incredibly hard for you and I'm so sorry. I agree that you need some professional counselling and support - is it worth talking to your GP as a starting point, especially in light of the depression? But remember there's no need to forgive him - and there's no rush in deciding how to proceed. This all happened very recently and it's going to take time to process - so don't even consider seeing him for now.

PennyHasNoSurname · 15/01/2016 20:03

Imo forgiving someone who has done this condones it.

Are you comfortable condoning this?

Personally (and I adore.my father), id want him to die a slow, painful, shame filled death.

Soooosie · 15/01/2016 20:04

No I couldn't forgive that. Sorry

kalidasa · 15/01/2016 20:05

There's an organisation called the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. They have a helpline for family members in your position, and I know they do work specifically re online offences as well.
www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/

GahBuggerit · 15/01/2016 20:10

no fucking way. what made you suspicious to have asked your dh to check his history?

Phalarope · 15/01/2016 20:15

It's not child pornography, it's images of a child being abused. Unforgivable.

SquareRootOf314 · 15/01/2016 20:15

I know it must be very very very hard, but I would not be able to overlook that and go back to how you were before.

I really sympathise with you.

beeny · 15/01/2016 20:18

I have in the past ten years regularly prosecuted cases where men have looked at indecent images of children. The images are horrific but only you can decide what you should do. Do not be too harsh on yourself my colleagues who also deal with these cases think that the amount of material available on the internet does actually seem to encourage this behaviour on some level.

Kynance71 · 15/01/2016 20:19

No I don't condone it at all. I don't regret going to the police either. It's just tearing me apart.
I go from hating him to thinking he's poorly and I should be there. Then I think of the children in those pictures and get so angry he's lucky he's 200 miles away.
I agree counselling would be a good idea but these things take so long to come round and I can't afford private.
I did call 'stop it now' the LFF and they listen but nobody is going to tell me what to do.
My head spins everyday.
Thanks for your comments xxThanks

OP posts:
Allyearcheer · 15/01/2016 20:20

Are there real children in these videos being abused? I couldn't forgive that, no. Sorry, it must be really hard for you OP.

beeny · 15/01/2016 20:21

Take care of yourself xx

BrienneofQarth · 15/01/2016 20:25

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have a close friend going through something very similar albeit she has been living with this for nearly 3 years now. I think it's very easy to say how you would react but the reality is very different. Have you sought professional help? I think talking to someone objective could be a great help.

My heart goes out to you Flowers

PennyHasNoSurname · 15/01/2016 20:25

There is no such thing as Child Pornography. It is Child Abuse which has then been photographed or filmed.

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