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Original poster

My friend took my child's dummy from him

125 replies

Loz1982 · 20/08/2015 17:53

Hello Ladies

I'm brand new on here but have been an obsessive lurker for a long time! And thanks to this lurking have picked up some fabulous advice on all sorts of issues. So thank you to you all!
I have a dilemma and was wondering if anyone could help me.
At the weekend we were at a friends BBQ (this friend is also DS's Godmother) and DS lost his dummy. He wasn't feeling particularly well (teething and temp) so we had arrange for in laws to pick him up after a couple of hours of socialising.
He became quite fractious for the last 20mins or so and I went to give him his dummy and it was nowhere to be seen.
Luckily I had a spare but was stumped as to where the first had gone
Turns out (I found this out this morning), my friend (his godmother) had taken it from him and hidden it in her DH's pocket and when we had gone home she told the rest of our friends what she'd done! Apparently she said "I took it from him because he doesn't need it".
I was naturally furious but DH is saying let it go...but I'm obviously not listening to him! Lol!
Any advice on how handle this is welcome!

OP posts:

Janethegirl · 21/08/2015 00:44

Dummies are not the only thing they can suck though, they may be the easiest!!

LucyBabs · 21/08/2015 00:46

Ah Jane you are a hoot aren't you?! I'd love to be your dil

I don't understand the hatred for dummies.. Actually i can't stand that word, we call them soothers..

op Your "friend" is a dick and you have to say something about what she did. Who cares what she thinks your ds does or doesn't need?

DixieNormas · 21/08/2015 00:47

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Janethegirl · 21/08/2015 00:47

Fuck if my ddil was so stupid to want a dummy, I think NC would be a blessing!
However, so far she seems normal and ok with her approach to such things.
I have never asked her what her views on dummies are, but will do at the next oppertunity.

DixieNormas · 21/08/2015 00:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeponeday · 21/08/2015 00:53

I demand fed both of mine - expressed all feeds for DS who had oral abnormalities that meant he couldn't breastfeed, and still feed DD myself.

What else are you supposed to give them? And even if you do demand feed, how can you breastfeed while driving, for example?

I'm sorry, because I appreciate you have a genuine phobia, but I think you need to accept that that's your own problem, nobody else's.

sleeponeday · 21/08/2015 00:54

Fuck if my ddil was so stupid to want a dummy, I think NC would be a blessing!

If your DIL existed, I'm pretty sure she would fervently agree.

zzzzz · 21/08/2015 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lurkedforever1 · 21/08/2015 01:09

jane you make no sense. If crawling babies and toddlers can suck their often filthy thumbs without it being unhygienic, why is a dummy? We don't all suck them ourselves. Dds mainly lived in her room or with plastic covers on in my bag. Her thumbs didn't.
She was also bf, but my nipples didn't reach in the car. And as she fed like a trouper it wasn't always hunger that motivated sucking. So again, what is your issue?

YesIleftthebastard · 21/08/2015 01:10

Jeez a dummy is just a dummy, they are usually sterilised and sanctimony could do with being in that steriliser too.

AvaCrowder · 21/08/2015 01:12

I bf three children for 2 years a piece. Talk about comforters. Op you should have a quiet word with your friend. Quiet, but firm. Jane you should have a quiet word with yourself. Talk about mil from hell. Thank god mine is not like you.

hazeyjane · 21/08/2015 08:12

'losers choice'

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

you're bloody hilarious Jane.

It does sound rather as though you'd rather have no children in your house as well as no dummies.

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 21/08/2015 08:19

I hate dummies but they have their uses and I fully respect a parents/child's decision to use one

Original poster

Loz1982 · 21/08/2015 08:25

cityangel I dont feel like I SHOULD justify my decision to you, but I will seeing as you seem to feel quite strongly about it! The reason I took DS to the BBQ was because his godparents hadn't seen him for quite some time. We don't live near by (we will be moving there soon and will live within 10mins of them!) and I feel it's important that they all spend time together. My SIL is a doctor and my MIL and FIL are experienced parents, and I felt perfectly happy to leave my child in their care even if he was feeling a little under the weather. My MIL is fantastic with him and he finds great comfort with her from all the cuddles and love she shows him. I don't feel I was being an irresponsible parent in any way. Like I said in an earlier post, he was quite content for most of the evening and was playing happily with the other children until the last 20-30mins when his little gums obviously decided to flare up again.
The reason I had chosen to stay at the BBQ was because it was being done for MY benefit. The BBQ was the Sat night and my birthday was the Sunday so the group decided to have a little gathering for me. Which I'm very touched about and really appreciated. I felt it would be incredibly rude of me to ditch them all and head home with DS when he would be perfectly content with my in laws. I hope this helps clear tho ha up for you a bit.
And Jane I'm sorry if this thread has annoyed you, it wasn't my intention to do that. I do however resent you basically referring to myself and all the other mums on here who chose to give their DC dummies as "losers". I posted this thread for a bit of friendly advice and support about an issue I'm having with a friend and I don't really think it's necessary to start getting offensive with any of us. So far, other than the odd comment, everyone on here has been VERY kind and extremely helpful which is what I needed and I think that although you are more than entitled to have your (obviously very strong) opinion, this isn't really the place for it. Thank you though for taking the time to read my thread and reply to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Loz1982 · 21/08/2015 08:27

And starlight thanks for the * tip! :)

OP posts:

patterkiller · 21/08/2015 08:30

Oh dear jane. I think you have an isolated future ahead. Your family are going to avoid you like the plague with that attitude.
What about BLW or sling wearing mums or horror attachment parenting. All choices that give your child a crutch. If you were my MIL you wouldn't see me or my dc for dust. You sound so flexible in your views

FarelyKnuts · 21/08/2015 09:16

Jane is cracking me up. It's a wind up no? Though I kind of agree with her a little bit.
But only as far as my own children.
Couldn't give a shit what anyone else uses in their child's mouth.
I don't agree that it's always dummy or thumb though. My DD didn't use either.
And I was a sling wearing attachment parent

Singsongsung · 21/08/2015 09:54

I have never understood the hatred of dummies. I have never put a dummy in my mouth then given it to my baby. Our dummies are sterilised often and if dropped on the floor are replaced with another. I often laugh at myself doing this when I then see my baby chewing her unsterilised toys but ho hum.
Dummies are recommended as one of the safeguards against SIDS. They provide enormous comfort for babies who need to suck (mine both did) and help enormously with car journeys or tricky moments.

If there's harm in that then I've yet to discover it and my bright, articulate 9 year old, who used them until she was 2, seems to demonstrate that.

Original poster

Loz1982 · 21/08/2015 11:00

Singsongsung I'm with you on this. I also don't really understand people with such a SEVERE hatred of a dummy. I can understand some people don't really like the way they look or perhaps disagree with older children having them. But to have such a huge issue with them baffles me. But that's just me. I don't really mind them either way. I don't mind thumb suckers or blanket chewers either. I'm obviously just very laid back about these things.
It's good to know your DS got the comfort she needed for hers with no 'adverse' effects! :)
I myself never had one, my mother said bi was just a very placid content not very sucky child. But I did have a blanket I chewed once I stared teething. Didn't do me any harm.
My sister was a very discontent baby with severe colic and her having a dummy was a life changer for us all! She was about 3months when my mother decided to try one with her and what a difference!!
LucyBabs I also don't really like the word dummy! Lol! We actually call it a dodey. But I couldn't tell you why or where we got that word from! It's just what we always called them even as children! Haha! I just called it a dummy in the thread to keep things simple...wasn't sure people would know what the hell I was on about if I referred to it as a dodey! :D

OP posts:

Original poster

Loz1982 · 21/08/2015 11:03

I also think that everyone is entitled to an opinion especially with regards to what they do for their own DC. FarleyKnuts for instance, doesn't like dummies for her own children. But she hasn't condemned me for having one for mine. So long as we're all happy with our own decisions I think that's all that matters in the long run. None of us as far as I can see are doing detrimental harm to our kids. We're all just trying to be the best mums we can be!

OP posts:

LucyBabs · 21/08/2015 13:03

loz its been known as a dodey in our house too also a soo rather than a soother

Original poster

Loz1982 · 21/08/2015 14:01

Haha..so glad it's not just our house! Some people look at me like I've got two heads when I call it a dodey!

OP posts:

WendyTorrance · 21/08/2015 14:23

As the saying goes 'I was a perfect parent, and then I had children'.

Yes, that was me. Before and during pregnancy I would say "no child of mine will be having a dummy".

DD1 was 4 days old when DH was dispatched to Tesco for one. Dhe hated it, wouldn't use it but then found her thumb.

With DD2, I had them in ready during pregnancy

beardsrock · 09/09/2015 19:43

I would LOVE to meet Jane's DIL.

Tinfoiled · 09/09/2015 19:55

I think ole' Jane is on a wind up folks ...

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