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Original poster

Friend has stolen money from me.

46 replies

theblairbitchproject · 24/07/2015 22:18

This is a friend who i have known for 15+ years and until this point, trusted her 10000%. Never had any problems with her what so ever before.

We are both unemployed at the moment, and she has a 16 month old DD to look after. They came round today, I was busy doing something so sent her off to the supermarket with my debit card (done it 100 times before, and ive had hers) to buy some lunch and I told her to buy some nappies and a small treat for her DD as I know she is shorter than I am.

Anyway- went out to get petrol this evening and my card was declined, thought it odd so went to check the ATM and my account was empty. Called my bank, and £100 had been withdrawn today.

Friend has admitted she has taken it, very upset but explained she needed food for herself and her DD and she has bills to pay and has assured me that she will give me the money back next week.

I dont know whether to forgive. A long term friend, who I will be gutted to loose (especially as having a tough time ATM and I dont exactly have 100s) but she has broken my trust. If she asked, I probably would of given it to her minus £20 I needed for petrol so I can get about

WWYD?

OP posts:
MaryBerrysEyelashes · 24/07/2015 22:23

you utter FOOL to give someone your bank card in such a cavalier way

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 24/07/2015 22:23

She pays it back, and i suggest the friendship ends!

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 24/07/2015 22:25

she intended to deceive you.
YOu tell her it comes back or you cal the police ( although tbh you would be on shaky ground here as you gave the card)

Heyho111 · 25/07/2015 14:18

You know your F the best.
Some people act foolishly out of desperation when they are in real difficulty. The temptation may have been too much because she was so short of cash.
Or she is untrustworthy.
You gave her permission as you gave her your card and PIN number.
But I feel that's not the issue. I think you need to decide what to do. You'll know if your friendship can continue just by your feelings when you're around her.

Ahemily · 25/07/2015 14:23

What a horrible situation Blair. Sad

I don't think you're a fool to give her your card - I did the same with my best friend some years ago, who also stole from me. It turned out she had some very serious issues which she'd been hiding from me (and the rest of the world), but I found it almost impossible to forgive.

Can you imagine doing the same to her? It would never occur to me to betray somebody in such a way, and I'm sure it's the same for you.

I'd put some serious distance between yourself and her once your money is back next week - no later. You showed generosity and she took advantage of your kindness. It's a very serious breach of trust and if you let it go, she may well feel she can do it again.

Sorry you're going through such a horrible thing. I totally understand the feelings of betrayal you must be feeling, it's really awful - protect yourself to make sure she can't do it again. Sad

Baffledmumtoday · 25/07/2015 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 25/07/2015 14:55

I don't see how you could ever trust her again, and I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive what she has done

You were helping her out already and buying nappies and things for her dd and she steals from you? She obvioulsy has no respect for you or for your needs

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 25/07/2015 14:57

Also if she withdrew cash she must have seen that it would leave your account empty and you with nothing, if she cared about you she wouldn't be able to do that

Kewcumber · 25/07/2015 14:59

I couldn;t get over her taking all my money and leaving me effectively worse off than she is.

I'm sorry thats a horrible situation to be in.

Nolim · 25/07/2015 15:00

I wouldn trust her again at all

LIZS · 25/07/2015 15:05

Change your pin no. Does she still gave the card?

AyMamita · 25/07/2015 15:07

Get your money back and never speak to her again.

winterinmadeira · 25/07/2015 15:08

Wait until the money is given back (if it is of course) and then either ditch her or distance yourself or stay friendly and never ever trust her again - with your card or anything in your house which may be of value. She may be in desperate need but she has betrayed you and now left you in an unacceptable situation.

Millipedewithherfeetup · 25/07/2015 15:15

Sorry to put more doubt in your head, but how do you know she hasn't done this before ? Odd £10 here and there? , i would find this hard to forgive tbh.

FenellaFellorick · 25/07/2015 15:15

She's no friend.
She took all your money, knowing it left you with nothing.
And she came back to your house, looked you in the eye, knowing she'd left you with nothing, and just went home, waiting for you to find out?
And if you'd had DD s that bounced and you got charged? And if you went hungry? Or your child (if you have any? ) went hungry? Bugger that, eh?

It would be the end of the friendship for me.

Atenco · 25/07/2015 15:24

You sound lovely and I'm so sorry this has happened to you. As for your friend, it sounds like the kind of personality change that happens with drug addicts, actually.

Only you can decide if you can continue the friendship without ever being able to trust her again. Of course you could never lend her your card, but how much could you trust her in your house?

I have a cleaner who is also sort of a friend. A lot of things have gone permanently missing from my flat, and I do suspect her but not enough to accuse her. She really depends on the work and I also really depend on her work, so I just never ever leave money lying around my house, not a brilliant solution but...

AlpacaMyBags · 25/07/2015 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppaWellington · 25/07/2015 15:27

I would be nice to her (but firm) until I got every last penny back - and I would picture having to threaten to involve the police if she was slowing down with the repayments - and I would never, EVER trust her again.

She has stolen much needed money from you
She has lied about it - because she didn't tell you when she'd done it, she waited for you to find out.
She is playing a very manipulative hand, claiming she needed it to feed her child.
She has assumed her need for YOUR £100 was greater than yours, and thus helped herself.
She has in no way behaved like a good friend, she has behaved like an abusive partner. "I need it, I want it, it's not mine, I'll have it."

If she valued your friendship she could have asked you for it. Perhaps fearing you would say no, she took it anyway and waited for you to find out.

I think she has a hell of a lot of explaining to do, and you should tell her in detail exactly what you think of her, her attitude, her actions and her morals, before you can even approach forgiveness.

And that doesn't mean it's unforgivable - you know your friend, maybe she is under pressure from a source you don't know about, or maybe it was a moment of madness. But it would take me a long time to forgive. And for me, it would be about the deception, more than the money.

SylvanianCaliphate · 25/07/2015 15:28

It would depend.

If my best friend had the perfect shit storm of circumstances, owned up immediately and paid it back asap I could forgive but not forget.
It would make me cautious though.

And it really would have to be a massive crisis and I would need to be convinced.

AddToBasket · 25/07/2015 15:35

You haven't said how you are going to pay for your petrol/food/needs now she's emptied your account.

She probably hasn't spent all the cash yet. I'd go over with another friend and ask for whatever she hasn't spent back. I would be there in person with a witness. I wouldn't accept crying over the phone. I'd be livid and scary. What a fucking breach of trust after you were offering to buy her things!

MoreBeta · 25/07/2015 15:42

Sorry but legally you haven't got a leg to stand on.

You gave her your card, your pin and invited her to use it to pay for items for her and her child.

No bank or police officer would give you the time of day listening to your complaint.

gamerchick · 25/07/2015 15:45

Get your money back and distance yourself. It's a shame but to clean out your account and not tell you is unforgivable.

mrsdavidbowie · 25/07/2015 15:47

She's a lying untrustworthy piece of work.
And you are a fool for giving someone else your pin number.

SilverNightFairy · 25/07/2015 15:49

I'm so very sorry for you. This women does not give two shits about you. She took what was not hers and put you into a bad situation. She is a thief. I'm sure if she had asked if you would loan her some money to carry her through, you would have given her what you were able to afford. I might chalk the money up as a loss and cut her off immediately. Please know I can understand a bit how you might be feeling, something very similar happened to me. Flowers

AddToBasket · 25/07/2015 15:50

MoreBeta - are you sure? I wondered about this and am interested to know if the police wouldn't give you the time. I thought that they might investigate, depending on how you approached it. They will think the OP is a total fuckwit for handing over her card to someone.

Even if it isn't criminal you would have a civil case against her - i.e. you could get the money back through the courts if it came to that. It just wouldn't be a criminal matter.

Pretty irrelevant since I guess the OP is not going to court.

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