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Original poster

Friend has stolen money from me.

46 replies

theblairbitchproject · 24/07/2015 22:18

This is a friend who i have known for 15+ years and until this point, trusted her 10000%. Never had any problems with her what so ever before.

We are both unemployed at the moment, and she has a 16 month old DD to look after. They came round today, I was busy doing something so sent her off to the supermarket with my debit card (done it 100 times before, and ive had hers) to buy some lunch and I told her to buy some nappies and a small treat for her DD as I know she is shorter than I am.

Anyway- went out to get petrol this evening and my card was declined, thought it odd so went to check the ATM and my account was empty. Called my bank, and £100 had been withdrawn today.

Friend has admitted she has taken it, very upset but explained she needed food for herself and her DD and she has bills to pay and has assured me that she will give me the money back next week.

I dont know whether to forgive. A long term friend, who I will be gutted to loose (especially as having a tough time ATM and I dont exactly have 100s) but she has broken my trust. If she asked, I probably would of given it to her minus £20 I needed for petrol so I can get about

WWYD?

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 25/07/2015 15:54

She was obviously desperate- I'd forgive her if she was sincerely sorry. She must be horribly ashamed.

queenofthepirates · 25/07/2015 15:54

So sorry to hear this. I lent a friend £500, we drew up a repayments plan and I fully expected him to pay me back. Six months later, not a penny. Obviously the friendship was over but it so easily could have been salvaged if only he'd been straight with me. I took him to court and won and now he's paying me back over 10 years at £5 a month. I'd give her a chance to repay but be guarded.

MoreBeta · 25/07/2015 15:55

AddTo - her friend would just say.

"The OP lent me her card as I was short and thought she had allowed me to use her card for essential items. It was an arrangement we used t have between us and I thought I had her permission".

No case to answer.

SylvanianCaliphate · 25/07/2015 15:56

Oh and the police would do something.

Giving the card and pin doesn't overwrite the law, it's still theft.

If the OP said nappies and food and cash was taken.

Just like if you invite me around for coffee and I steal all your appliances, they don't just shrug and say tough titties

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/07/2015 16:00

I'd forgive because I'd assume she was really desperate and in a bad place to do that.

ShelaghTurner · 25/07/2015 16:02

This is really tough. Sounds like desperation to me. You know her best, only you can really guess at the reason behind it. But I'm completely soft-headed though.

camtt · 25/07/2015 16:03

agree with SylvaniaCaliphate, OP will say she gave friend the card to by certain things, which were agreed, and the friend then used the card for other things, not agreed. OP's story stacks up as she is hardly going to allow her friend to use all the money she had, leaving her getting her card declined. The police might say she was stupid, but giving a friend your cashcard for one purpose doesn't mean it isn't theft when she uses it for a different purpose.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/07/2015 16:08

As I understand it if you give someone your PIN then you have effectively given them your money. You are not insured even if the person you gave your PIN to is not the same one who took the money. I am sure if you do not cover the key pad when typing in your PIN you equally do not have any rights over the banks replacing the money.

SylvanianCaliphate · 25/07/2015 16:10

Aye the bank won't refund you under the card security clause but it doesn't change the legal part.

Earlybird · 25/07/2015 16:38

Get the money back and distance yourself.

A really close friend would confide her desperation and ask you for a loan. Incredibly stupid of her to just take the money - since clearly she'd be found out!

Fugghetaboutit · 25/07/2015 16:41

She's a thief, sorry.

She could've said she was finding things hard and could you lend her some money. I would get the money back and never talk to her again.

PoppyBlossom · 25/07/2015 16:51

You've been foolish in the arrangement of sharing PIN numbers and its bitten you on the bum. The kind of person who finds it morally acceptable to steal every penny their friend has tend to find it morally acceptable to evade payment.

You won't see that money again, do you want to see this friend again?

Misslgl88 · 27/07/2015 13:24

That is terrible! I'd be livid if a 'friend' did this to me!

I don't blame you for giving her your card especially since she didn't have previous (to your knowledge) and it was very kind of you to buy things for her child. It's a shame that your kindness has been used like that as from now on you'll always be wary of others

AnyoneForTennis · 27/07/2015 13:31

What did she return from the shops with? No receipt? Was she acting differently?

ImperialBlether · 27/07/2015 13:34

But what about people with carers? Those carers go shopping with bank cards, but that doesn't mean the police wouldn't investigate if they decided to empty the person's bank account.

Binit · 27/07/2015 13:44

Op you have a very very strange attitude to money. You sound really kind but you need to be more careful.

Your bank account contained £100 ish. You need to protect every last penny so giving your card to her was reckless and offering a treat for her dd was sweet of you but you need that money to live on!

The thing is, this is unlikely to be the first time she has stolen from someone.

I couldn't have a friend like this. I have a friend who (years ago) had no money to eat, he was not too proud to ask me for £10 which I gave him willingly. Years and years later he gave me £100 in return. He was very successful and didn't get there by lying.

chrome100 · 27/07/2015 14:36

She has really betrayed your trust.

I do not see the problem in giving a friend a bank card, I do it with my friends all the time if they are going to the cash machine etc.

A good friend would never dream of stealing from you. You are not at fault, she is.

cleanasawhistle2195 · 27/07/2015 16:43

Thanks all.

I got the money back today, plus the money she used to pay for the shopping. I know she hasnt done it before- I check my bank everyday and always keep a note of cash withdrawals so I can remember when I took money out.

Still dont know whether to forgive or not. She os genuinley in a tough place at the moment- but she doesnt seem to realise shes kicked me when im feeling down.

FundamentalistQuaker · 27/07/2015 16:56

Whether or not you forgive, do keep a bit more distance and be wary. If she has done it once, she can do it again.

cranberryx · 27/07/2015 16:57

This woman isn't a friend. A friend would have asked, and even then probably would have felt bad about asking if she knew it would put you slightly out of pocket.

Change your pin number and ask for the money back. She has stolen it and if you allow her to keep it you risk her doing this to you again, or to someone else. (My DB did this kind of thing to my DM for many years before we had to call the police). You can't trust this woman. How can you be sure she hasn't done this to you before? Got cheeky, took too much and then retreated when you found out this time?

cranberryx · 27/07/2015 16:58

Sorry X post above with the doing this before comment!

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