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Original poster

Something doesn't sit right - WARNING SENSITIVE

111 replies

poppitypopps · 24/03/2015 20:56

I manage an office workplace.

One of the girls is very quiet, quite subservient, pleasant and generall minds her own business (is a dream to manage tbh) and gets on with her work.

Recently some of her co-workers have told me she seems pregnant.

I had a very careful talk with her on tuesday last week when she confided that she thought she might be pregnant but was firmly in denial, and thought she might be about 6 months pregnant. (she cetainly looked very pregnant).

She had not tld her parents with whom she lives as she felt they would not be supportive as she was not married. She had also not told her partner as he would definitely not want to keep the baby as he is married himself and was having an affair with this employee.

On Friday the employee spoke to me to tell me she had told both her parents and partner and had visited the doctor (she had had time off so it as feasable), was told she was around 22 weeks pregnant and had been referred to a hospital {place name removed} to discuss the options. This appointment was booked for today.

Today she telephones the ofice to say that the "procedure" had been carried out, she was no longer pregnant and that she will be back to work in a couple of days.

I have never come across this kind of situation before, let alone something being discovered and "dealt with" (for want of a better turn of phrase) so quickly, and am not sure whether to believe the employee. That said, I can think of absolutely no reason why she would lie to me about any of this.

Please don't tell me this is none of my business, I have a duty to manage this team of people - something just doesnt sit right with me, and I feel awaful for even thinking this.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 24/03/2015 20:58

How do you think abortion will impact on your workplace?

rootypig · 24/03/2015 20:59

Well, it isn't any of your business. She is a grown woman, and has the right to be as private in the workplace as she chooses.

something just doesnt sit right with me

You need to come out and say what you mean.

Takedeux · 24/03/2015 21:00

Only 2% of abortions are done after 20 weeks according to the NHS.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester General pregnancy
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/03/2015 21:00

Are you implying she was forced into an abortion and you're concerned for her welfare?

DoJo · 24/03/2015 21:01

What doesn't sit right with you? What are you thinking that's making you feel awful?

TiredButFine · 24/03/2015 21:01

She may have gone to a private clinic, and at 22 weeks they would have to move fast.
Wait and see how she is if and when she returns.

christinarossetti · 24/03/2015 21:01

You need to speak to someone either at work or out of work to identify what doesn't sit right with you and why you feel so awful about this situation.

I can understand that it feels awful to think of someone in the situation that this woman appears to be, but not so much what doesn't sit right about it iyswim?

Then use usual prodecures eg back to work after sickness absence when the woman gets back to work.

UghReally · 24/03/2015 21:01

Im not sure what you're getting at but it is possible she is telling the truth, since the abortion limit is 24wks i would imagine healthcare professionals would be very hasty with getting it over with asap

ineedtogetthisout · 24/03/2015 21:02

It isn't any of your business.

That's also a shit load of personal medical information you have put in there which you are only privy to because you are her boss. I'd seriously consider deleting this if I were you.

TeddyBear5 · 24/03/2015 21:02

Don't tell you it's none of your business? Why not? It is none of your bloody business!!

Yes you manage a team of people. So what?! Get on and manage them.

It doesn't sit right with you? What exactly doesn't?! If you don't believe her then that says more about you than it does her.

MaidOfStars · 24/03/2015 21:02

I feel awaful for even thinking this
Forgive me for being dense but what are you thinking? You don't actually say. What is the situation you are concerned about (assuming you are doubtful about a termination, given the circumstances)?

Or are you asking if this situation sounds 'off'?

onepieceoflollipop · 24/03/2015 21:02

I think you have to be very careful not to intrude on her private life.
Do you have concerns about her health (physical or mental) in terms of how it may impact on her work? If so perhaps discuss situation with HR/Occ Health?
On her return I don't think you can do anything more than what you would usually do e.g. return to work interview etc.

AddToBasket · 24/03/2015 21:02

I think you do have a right to ask what's going on. How old is she?

People can be weird with abortion and may be weird with her. You should be ready for a change in dynamics.

UghReally · 24/03/2015 21:02

I have never come across this kind of situation before, let alone something being discovered and "dealt with" (for want of a better turn of phrase) so quickly, and am not sure whether to believe the employee. That said, I can think of absolutely no reason why she would lie to me about any of this. sounds like she thinks employee is lying

littleducks · 24/03/2015 21:02

Surely it doesn't matter why she is off? It's self cert as sick or a doctors note for the time off.

Personally you can think its a bit dodgy (but it could be plausible and i am sure others can offer reasons how/ why it could happen like this) but professionally you just need to stick to normal procedures.

msgrinch · 24/03/2015 21:02

It's none of your business at all. I had an abortion, earlier on in pregnancy and went back to work two days after. my employer knew as he was a friend as well. It was still nothing to do with work and I'd have been beyond disgusted to have been talked about behind my back let alone on the Internet. She's told you what she needs to now you need to back off. This doesn't involve you or her colleagues unless a medical emergency happens at work or she comes for support.

GuiltyOrNotGuilty · 24/03/2015 21:03

are you worrying about her mental health?

rootypig · 24/03/2015 21:03

I agree with ineed, I think even posting this here is professional misconduct tbh, let alone what is "sitting" with you, and your "very careful talk".

Ugh.

MrsFlannel · 24/03/2015 21:03

What on earth? Confused you sound over invested in this young woman's life. Step back a moment!

Original poster
poppitypopps · 24/03/2015 21:03

If she has had an abortion I can signpost her for lots of support and I can ensure she gets more leniency in her deadlines.

If she is pregnant I can carry out a risk assessment and ensure her workplace and the tasks given to her are suitable.

If she chooses not to tell any of us that is also fine, but this isnt the case here.

What "doesnt sit right" is the speed this has happened. She disclosed her pregnancy and has had a termination in less than 4 working days. Is this even possible? And if not, why would she lie?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 24/03/2015 21:03

I hope she is ok and has some support from somewhere

christinarossetti · 24/03/2015 21:03

I think OP means it's her business because the other woman told her about her pregnancy, the 'procedure' and that she has some sort of managerial duty of care towards this person that she line manages, not because she wants to stick her nose in and interfere unnecessarily.

Boysclothes · 24/03/2015 21:04

There is nowhere in the country that will do your 22 week TOP on the same day you go in to discuss it. Not a private clinic and not NHS. So something isn't right. Perhaps she had already referred and had the counselling and arrangements bit before you spoke to her, but didn't disclose it?

Either way, I don't think there is anything you can do except be supportive and gentle when she comes back.

UghReally · 24/03/2015 21:04

she confided in you that she is having an abortion due to so many personal factors(that you've shared) and you post it on the internet? 10/10 for being a bit of a twat

Mrsderekshepard · 24/03/2015 21:04

Abortion isn't routinely carried out at that gestation. Normally only if there is something terribly wrong with the baby