Daughter in the neighbour's carpark

[iancoady]

We moved into a great cul-de-sac around 5 years ago, and most of our elderly neighbours are brilliant. Our 7 year old daughter makes cards for our 3 closest neighbours and has recently started 'popping round' for a chat, a drink and a biscuit.

On the opposite side of the road is a woman who can only be described as a busy body. I once turned my car around in her drive and there she was banging on the window and gesturing at me. It did no harm whatsoever but I've respected her (somewhat petty) wishes and not turned the car around there since.

Recently though, my daughter has started playing out the front of the house (so her other friends in the road can see her when they get home from school) but due to the large volumes of traffic in the road we have asked her to play in the two communal car parks in the road.

These are two large open spaces where residents know what their space is but they are not marked out in any way. As most residents also have garages AND drives these are rarely used, so provide a great off-road play area that is reasonably large.

Yesterday my daughter came in in tears as she had been playing 'schools' in the car park (she says she was pretending to teach Spanish and wasn't any louder than talking) when the woman started banging on her window and gesturing for her to get out of the car park. The poor thing was crying because she didn't even know what she had done.

My first reaction was to knock on her door and have a go at her but I try not to act impulsively as we all still have to live in the same street at the end of the day.

My first question is am I unreasonable to let my daughter play in the street providing she is not noisy (and she really isn't)?

Secondly, if the car park is a communal area, should she be allowed to play in there?

Finally, as I'm not even sure if this woman has a space in the communal car park (given she also has a drive and a garage) how can I find out if she does without checking the deeds to her house?

Any help you can give is appreciated, as I've already decided I need to talk to this woman and tell her that she isn't to interact with my daughter again. If she has an issue then she knows where I or my wife are and she can talk directly to us. Just not sure what to do about the rest.

YY MN children have to be in. But not in front of a screen.

Unless lots of people are driving into the cul de sac and all turning in that specific driveway, it's unlikely. Seriously, I'd reserve that level of outrage for a stranger walking into my house and taking a shit in my downstairs loo. But turning in a driveway? Why do people care?

I grew up in a cul de sac similar to this and we played out all of the time. It's so lovely your child can still do these things. We played in the middle of the road! I know times have changed but I imagine it's possible to be a quiet place where cars only come if they need to be there, rather than passing through at speed.

We also had a busy-body older neighbour who used to look out for every possible reason to shout at the kids playing in the street. He was a bitter old man and that was that.

You could get a copy of her house deeds from the land registry (for a fee) if you want to check her allotted parking space but I'm sure that won't change much.

I think going round and asking her to leave the parenting to you, as her parent, is the best idea.

The flats I stay in have a car park where all the flats have their own bays. The families in the houses on the other side of the street seem to think it's actually a play area.

Not only do you have to contend with kids and bikes etc but while the parents are enjoying peace and quiet were subjected to a makeshift skate board ramp and the kids running through the communal garden or using the bin area for football, more often than not this leads to the ball bouncing off nearby cars. I just bought a brand new car and I'm already sick of seeing ball imprints on it.

Possibly your daughter is just one of many kids playing in the car park recently and she's fed up with it.

How do people even notice cars turning round in their drive? Unless they have their faces up the window the whole time.

Am very surprised that playing out is seen as odd. I was walking to school at 7 with my mum watching me cross the one significant road. At that age all the kids on the road would be playing along the pavement and spilling into the road. Lived in a suburban estate - not a cul de sac but nowhere else to get to through it. In fact by about 8 we were walking down to play in the park on our own too.

No different in attitude towards my own children and the kids near here all 'play out' independently thank God.

Allowing all and sundry to use your driveway as a turning circle turn is well and good and very generous, until someone bumps your own car or damages your property whilst doing it, and doesn't own up, and you've got to figure out which of your 9 neighbours in the cul-de-sac, or their visitors, it might have been so you can go ask them to fix the damage.

That sounds like the set-up where I live, and my DDs ride their bikes and scoot in our car park all the time.

I would pop over to the woman's house, not confrontationally, and ask her why she banged. And explain that your DD has your permission to be there, but was frightened by her banging. Ask her to actually come out of the house to speak to your DD if she feels the need to communicate something next time, but that you'd far rather she spoke to you as adults are intimidating to 7yos.

At the risk of being flamed I would hate people using my drive to turn round in. I am quite a jumpy, nervous person anyway and I consider my home my sanctuary from the outside world. I'm quite aware of noises at the front of the house like a car coming onto the drive or someone walking across the gravel at the front and it instantly makes me prick my ears up and interrupts my train of thought while I wonder if they're coming to talk to me. It's distracting and irritating. And if it's my property then really no one should be on it.

.

How exactly do you stop them though, when you're out at work?

I put down a line of Stingers to shred their tyres.

Playing out is perfectly normal where I live. And In my opinion 7 is the ideal age. By the time they're ten or eleven they've kind of grown out of it.

Turning in her drive? Bit cheeky because presumably from the set up you describe there are plenty of other places.

Not sure about the use of the car park as play area without seeing it.

'why is she home from school earlier than other children?'. I'd guess she finishes earlier? I mean, I'm assuming the OP doesn't get her out of school early every day. My 7 year old finishes school at 2, most of our neighbours kids finish at 3.

If someone drives up my driveway, I can hear the car pulling up from the front rooms of the house and I would go see who was coming to visit me. If it was a neighbour who was turning around yet again because they're too lazy for a 3 point turn on the street, I can see how over time it would be a problem.

Seriously?

Seriously??!

I wouldn't bother having a look out the front until the doorbell rang. I am sitting here now at the very back of the house worrying if anyone is turning around in my drive, I really am.

Sparkling, I guess it depends on your drive. The distance from my front room window to the pavement is only a car length so if I'm sat on the sofa I couldn't help but hear and see a car as it'll be 2ft from where I'm sitting.

I've never had a go at anyone for turning in it but it irritates me. And someone once knocked down and crushed the boundary marker post between us and next door. Which also irritated me.

I wouldn't be too happy with someone using my drive to around in to be honest.

The rest all sounds fine though.

Playing out at 7 sounds ideal in terms of age, providing not near busy roads.

• which reminds me, its time I kick my 6 and 8 year old kids off the sofa and out to play this morning... :o

Do those who object to playing out have an acre of tree and play-lawn for a garden? Where do theie kids ride their bikes or play chase or football, if they only have a tiny/ no garden and you don't let them off your property? Or are they only allowed to move about at organised activities? Do they sit with them in the park for at least 2 hours on days when they haven't played organised sport?

Drinking tea - I've always gone to the park most days with dd when she was younger and stayed with her / sat on a bench and let her ride her bike etc. I just wouldn't let her go on her own. Lots of things you can do without dc having to play out - have friends round, go to soft play occasionally, go to the park, take dogs for a walk behind dc riding bikes so you can see them but not helicoptering them etc etc.

I have never had a massive garden either.

But what is wrong with playing out?

Lots of things - road safety reasons (even the best children at crossing roads can be distracted), lots of children can mean even the best behaved ones can be easily led into doing more dangerous things than they might normally do, and yes stranger danger. I'm not saying it's any worse than it used to be but why risk it for the sake of them playing out under 10? I just wouldn't. I appreciate others disagree and that's fine but that's just my opinion.