Daughter in the neighbour's carpark

[iancoady]

We moved into a great cul-de-sac around 5 years ago, and most of our elderly neighbours are brilliant. Our 7 year old daughter makes cards for our 3 closest neighbours and has recently started 'popping round' for a chat, a drink and a biscuit.

On the opposite side of the road is a woman who can only be described as a busy body. I once turned my car around in her drive and there she was banging on the window and gesturing at me. It did no harm whatsoever but I've respected her (somewhat petty) wishes and not turned the car around there since.

Recently though, my daughter has started playing out the front of the house (so her other friends in the road can see her when they get home from school) but due to the large volumes of traffic in the road we have asked her to play in the two communal car parks in the road.

These are two large open spaces where residents know what their space is but they are not marked out in any way. As most residents also have garages AND drives these are rarely used, so provide a great off-road play area that is reasonably large.

Yesterday my daughter came in in tears as she had been playing 'schools' in the car park (she says she was pretending to teach Spanish and wasn't any louder than talking) when the woman started banging on her window and gesturing for her to get out of the car park. The poor thing was crying because she didn't even know what she had done.

My first reaction was to knock on her door and have a go at her but I try not to act impulsively as we all still have to live in the same street at the end of the day.

My first question is am I unreasonable to let my daughter play in the street providing she is not noisy (and she really isn't)?

Secondly, if the car park is a communal area, should she be allowed to play in there?

Finally, as I'm not even sure if this woman has a space in the communal car park (given she also has a drive and a garage) how can I find out if she does without checking the deeds to her house?

Any help you can give is appreciated, as I've already decided I need to talk to this woman and tell her that she isn't to interact with my daughter again. If she has an issue then she knows where I or my wife are and she can talk directly to us. Just not sure what to do about the rest.

It's not play out or structured activities - it's playing safely in your own garden, or playing in the park with your parents sat on a bench to say 'there there' when you get hurt/ stop you from bullying other kids. Apropriate spaces, not where you are in danger of being run over/causing damage or being a nusiance. I thought we were all scared of stranger danger and dogs these days too? Just surprised street playing is still common.

If 7 is definitely not too little, when is it a bit much? I found a toddler in the middle of the road once, with a car beeping at him - thought that was a bit too much on the side of neglect tbh.

Op it is fine that she is playing there.
The woman is probably a grumpy busybody, tell your daughter that not all grownups are very happy and if the lady bothers her again to come and get you.
Then go over and have a word.

If the car park is a communal space and you are not going to moan if she gets run over then fine ,but turning round on someone's drive is a complete no no.

Why do people get wound up about people turning round in their drive? I wouldn't do it in case it bothered someone but I wouldn't give a toss if someone did it in mine.

not where you are in danger of being run over/causing damage or being a nusiance

A 7YO child is very unlikely to be run over playing in a small, quiet, underused car park at the end of a cul de sac. I assume the OP has had the good sense to remind her not to hang around behind cars that are reversing.

I think kids playing outside without their parents hovering is really important.

My almost 7 year old plays out & we have communal car parks at the back of each row of townhouses, I think I understand the layout you mean. People turn in my friends drive - drives her insane, so she's not being petty with regards to that.

My dd2 thinks she's playing in a normal speaking volume when she's playing schools, she's not, she's very loud & I love her voice. Honestly the volume of her play is quite loud.

Why is it so bad to turn in someone's drive? Maybe if 50 people per day were doing it and driving over plants or something but if the odd time bothers you you must be pretty uptight.

Love it when children play out in the street - reminds me of my own childhood and it's nice seeing them all out together. Although we did used to get told "away and play at your own door!" so maybe that is what is annoying your neighbour?

I wouldn't have a problem with a 7 year old play on the pavement/sitting on her doorstep/in her front garden etc. But I do think it's an exceptionally bad idea to let her play in a car park. It only takes one distracted driver who (quite rightly) doesn't expect a child to be playing there for an accident to happen. Much safer elsewhere.

Using someone's driveway to turn your car -why?

Are we talking about actually driving onto someone's drive when turning round or the bit of pavement from the dropped kerb?

If one person does it, I think it's safe to assume so do others, my friend doesn't like it because she leaves gardening bits & pieces out at the bottom of her drive, sometimes the kids leave their bikes, scooters, prams, football's there & drivers assume there's no one there or nothing lying there and don't pay a lot of attention to what they're actually doing.

I was in her house once and a neighbour beeped his horn at my friends child who was playing at the end of her own drive so he could turn his car more easily.

I'm not one for children playing out to be honest, despite living in a rural area dd is now 11 and only now just starting to play out with her friends. More than anything I didn't trust her road sense before. But that is my own child and she can be scatty (but lovely).

But I do think if you are going to let younger children play out a car park is not appropriate. Front garden / front step / lawn etc okay. But car park isn't really safe in my opinion.

I'm talking about turning into their drive to reverse out, not just mounting the kerb, drop down kerb.

Maybe the woman discourages all children from playing in a car park. Yours maybe playing schools (although I would think that involved some sort of sitting/crouching pretend play which in my opinion is dangerous as she wouldn't be visible to all cars entering)...but what about the kids who start playing with a ball or riding their bikes/scooters and residents get their parked cars dented?

Well said Just.

7 year olds walking to school on their own?!?! [faints]

I think I must live in a very different world. i wasn't trusted to walk to school on my own until I was 11.

Is this an urban/suburban/rural cultural difference thing?

I don't know why you'd think it's ok to drive onto someone else's property to turn your car around, and then call them petty when they object to it.

As for your DD playing on a communal car park, is there really nowhere else for her to play? I guess as long as if she's involved in an accident you're not going to blame the driver and attempt to sue the arse off them, then yeah, it's fine.

I'd never turn in someone's drive.

How do you know you're not the 50th person to do it that day?

Somebody may turn round in my drive 50 times a day but I wouldn't know about it.

I don't get why the neighbour is a busy body ? Because she knocked on her window when you turned around in her drive

Also, are you sure your neigbours like it when your daughter pops round for drink & biscuit ? Do you or her DM go round either her ?

I wouldn't want either if the above & I'm thinking there is a bit of lazy parenting going on.

Ref the car park..& playing, why is your dd coming home earlier than the other kids from school ? Can't you/het call for the other kids & then have them round to play in your or other families back garden ?

All seems a bit odd....definitely no set ups like this where I live, nor where I grew up...we played in our driveways.

People really should be driving carefully enough to manage not to run a kid over in a car park or close. Apart from possibly reversing where I accept if the child is small it could be impossible to see them if directly behind.

But no one is going to reverse into the close are they? And if they either come to a parked car to leave they'll see the kid or if they turn into the close then they'll see the kid.

And that's assuming the kid stays there. Most 7yos are quite capable of seeing a car coming and getting out the way when its going at a slow speed turning into a close.

You call it your neighbours car park in the title but then say you don't know if she has a space in it - do you have a space in it?

I let DD play out with our neighbour's child but I do make sure they aren't playing right next to the house of the neighbours on the other side and also have told her to stay away from the house next to her other friend across the road as it has now sold and isn't empty. It's difficult to say whether what your DD is doing is unreasonably irritating to the neighbour.