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Original poster

Friend has produced unwashed cheque from years ago!

88 replies

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 11:43

Dilemma... have moved abroad and I get a text message with a photo of a cheque written by me 2 and 1/2 years ago that friend has just found and not put in to her bank. Obviously it was important for her to let me know this and she felt the need to produce evidence.....

I'm rather annoyed actually. Obviously I never realised at the time (naughty me, not reconciling my cheque book...). I had no idea what this was for so thought I had better acknowledge the text message & asked what was it for. Was for the amount of £66 for a dinner event (I didn't enjoy the event as it turns out and certainly wouldn't pay that amount for something like that again, thought agree that's irrelevant). Friend says "jokingly", she wondered why she had been short when paying for the event.... Haha, she leaves money & cheques everywhere.

Now, morally I suppose I should now pay her £66.... However, am absolutely skint having just started a new life in a new country and have literally tens of thousands of debt to pay off (will be sorted out through rental income in the UK). I am upset because whatever I say now, whether that be not responding at all ie, sticking head in sand or saying sorry I can't afford it, I will now look like the bad guy. If I had forgotten to cash a cheque which I have in the past, I would see that as totally my fault for being so stupid and certainly wouldn't chase a friend for it.

Is it right for her to obviously make me feel awkward by telling me about it. This person by the way has been dripping in money in the past, openly spending at every opportunity (I don't know current financial situation but they are mortgage free and have a well paid job as far as I know).

Has she just found it funny and wants to share it with me or does she expect the money? What would you do please?

OP posts:

katydid02 · 12/08/2013 12:27

I wouldn't pay the money, you gave her the cheque in good faith and she lost it; if you'd given her the cash and she'd lost it then she wouldn't come asking for it. I wouldn't expect somebody to pay me if I'd lost a cheque they gave me.

Original poster

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:29

I agree with everyone actually, both sides of the issue, which is why I had such a dilemma.....

OP posts:

WhatWillSantaBring · 12/08/2013 12:29

Hmm, but you also now have a good reason why payment will be tricky. You're abroad. When I moved abroad, I didn't have access to any UK bank accounts, and the only way to transfer money was via international transfer, which cost c £24 a time. So I think you could respond saying you'll give her the cash next time you're in the UK or when she comes to visit you. That way, you're offering to pay but making it clear that it won't be soon! [I know that with internet banking you can now access your UK account, but she doesn't need to know that you still have one!]

flowery · 12/08/2013 12:29

Frances hard to know whether it was rude without knowing the motive behind it really. As the friend has not been forthcoming with bank details it looks like it may have more of a "silly me look what I found" rather than a hint for money and just not realising that it may have come across that way. Who knows.

If it turns out that it was a hint for money then I agree it would have been more polite to ring the OP and explain and ask nicely, and it would have been an even nicer thing to do to disregard it altogether and write the money off.

But the fact that one person is rude doesn't mean it's fine for the other person not to do the right thing.

Anyway, all's well that ends well, OP has offered money.

Original poster

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:30

Good point too!

OP posts:

namechangeforthispost864269 · 12/08/2013 12:30

well done op but personally yeah do think losing the cheque is the same as losing the cash...your own fault for not being more responsible with the money....except in this instance you haven't just lost the money youve lost someone's bank details and signature and put them at risk of fraud.

I think the friend was bu for expecting her friend to simply re issue the cheque months later after an expensive house move because she wasn't respondible enough to look after it long enough to take it to the bank...I personally wouldnt be so rude to ask this of a friend.

I'm saying this as a person who recently found a cheque for £120 my mil wrote for my birthday in May. she has no idea I didn't cash the cheque as she'd have mentioned it to me. I am certainly not about to text her and tell her 'look what I found' as I know that not only would she feel obliged to pay the cheque again but I also know she has just come back from holiday and money will be tight I accept its my own fault for not being responsible enough to put it in the bank in good time. I wouldn't expect others to suffer an unexpected pay out for my lack of responsibility

MexicanHat · 12/08/2013 12:31

Wow 2.5 years later!! She obviously can't need the money. If I was your friend I would definitely write it off especially now knowing that you are skint.

Original poster

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:33

Just have to add, am shocked by all the people who forget to cash cheques (I've done it too)!!!!!

OP posts:

Bluegrass · 12/08/2013 12:34

I agree with flowery, a cheque in itself isn't payment, just an authorisation for payment to be made on your behalf by a bank.

Perhaps you could have said "Here is my authorisation for payment but if you don't use it by x date you don't get paid" so that it was clear you offer to settle the debt was time limited. In those circumstances though my reply would be "Actually I think I'll take cash instead".

Of course she should have cashed it straightaway but if for some reason that doesn't happen you can't just shrug and say "Not my problem, its your loss".

Well you can, but it would be a shit thing to do!

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:35

I suppoee I picked up more o the ops awkwardness. I wouldnt have dreamed of sharing it in a "humorous" way because of exactly how it looks - like a pa "you owe me money"

CreatureRetorts · 12/08/2013 12:37

Of course this is cheeky of the friend! Who's responsibility is it here? The op or the friend? She got her cheque but she cocked up. I wonder if she sat there thinking all this time that the op had somehow evaded paying her full share.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:37

OK I'll amend my previus answer. The OP does/did have a responsibility to pay. The friend had a responsibility not to take the piss, to look after the payment and to cash it as soon as practically possible. Yet from this thread it seems like the OP is the bad guy for not noticing and bringing it up sooner.
" she wondered why she had been short when paying for the event"
sounds like a guilt- and blame- inducing statement to me.

namechangeforthispost864269 · 12/08/2013 12:37

I always forget to cash cheques op I think thats why everyone sends me birthday cheques they never have to pay a penny out lol!

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:39

"
Perhaps you could have said "Here is my authorisation for payment but if you don't use it by x date you don't get paid" "

Or "Here is my authorisation for payment, please accept it in a timely fashion as I don't know what my financial or practical circumstances are likely to be 2.5 years in the future and cannot guarantee to be able to pull out all the stops to reissue payment"

flowery · 12/08/2013 12:39

I agree it definitely could look like that. But some people have a bit less awareness of how things come across to other people, are a bit more clumsy in their communications, and just don't think as much. Don't know if this friend is like that or not. If she is, then I'd say it's more thoughtless than rude.

MerylStrop · 12/08/2013 12:40

You paid her by cheque. Her error or choice not to bank it.
Let her actually ask you for the money if she want/needs it.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:40

true

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:41

and I completely agree it's her cock up so the onus is on her to ask the OP to help her sort it out

Rockinhippy · 12/08/2013 12:47

IF the said friend IS indeed asking for payment this far down the line for a cheque SHE forgot to cash, then personally I think she is out if order - I've done it several times myself & even when skint I wouldn't dream of contacting the person whose cheque it was & asking them to honour it so far down the line - rude & unreasonable to say the least - banks put a 6 month limit on cheques for a reason & legally your friend doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Maybe she is just reminding you & saying look at me, how scatty am I - or she may have already tried to bank it & the bank have rejected it.

Either way you have been very generous offering to pay at all, especially as you now live abroad & it won't be easy.

If it were me, I would acknowledge the text, but let her know its a shame she didn't cash it at the time it was still valid as it now puts you in a difficult position, but you will start a coin jar & hope that you have enough in there to repay her the next time you can afford to visit the UK

Original poster

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:56

Like that too

OP posts:

katydid02 · 12/08/2013 12:58

You could say that you don't have access to English currency and start the coin jar that Rockinhippy suggested - and give her the money in your local coinage

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 12/08/2013 13:10

Too late because you've responded now but regardless of whether you should/shouldn't pay (I also can see both sides) the issue for me would be that I actually think your friend is being quite rude to bring it up in the way that she has. By vaguely sending you a photo she has put all of the onus on you to try and decipher what she means and to fret about whether or not you should be paying and how to offer. She is the one that lost the cheque and regardless of whether she is embarrassed or not is her problem. If if was me I'd have text and said something along the lines of 'well this is embarrassing but you know how scatty I am etc etc' which would have avoided the need to even consider if you had a dilemma or not!

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 13:13

exactly! She has made her lack of organisation your problem in a really nasty (IMO) way.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 13:15

She ate the meal and she paid for the meal.

Original poster

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 13:15

Yes, it did make me feel extremely awkward actually as I really didn't know why she had done it and felt that she shouldn't have told me, let alone added the photo!

OP posts:

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