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Original poster

Friend has produced unwashed cheque from years ago!

88 replies

sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 11:43

Dilemma... have moved abroad and I get a text message with a photo of a cheque written by me 2 and 1/2 years ago that friend has just found and not put in to her bank. Obviously it was important for her to let me know this and she felt the need to produce evidence.....

I'm rather annoyed actually. Obviously I never realised at the time (naughty me, not reconciling my cheque book...). I had no idea what this was for so thought I had better acknowledge the text message & asked what was it for. Was for the amount of £66 for a dinner event (I didn't enjoy the event as it turns out and certainly wouldn't pay that amount for something like that again, thought agree that's irrelevant). Friend says "jokingly", she wondered why she had been short when paying for the event.... Haha, she leaves money & cheques everywhere.

Now, morally I suppose I should now pay her £66.... However, am absolutely skint having just started a new life in a new country and have literally tens of thousands of debt to pay off (will be sorted out through rental income in the UK). I am upset because whatever I say now, whether that be not responding at all ie, sticking head in sand or saying sorry I can't afford it, I will now look like the bad guy. If I had forgotten to cash a cheque which I have in the past, I would see that as totally my fault for being so stupid and certainly wouldn't chase a friend for it.

Is it right for her to obviously make me feel awkward by telling me about it. This person by the way has been dripping in money in the past, openly spending at every opportunity (I don't know current financial situation but they are mortgage free and have a well paid job as far as I know).

Has she just found it funny and wants to share it with me or does she expect the money? What would you do please? Smile

OP posts:
NulliusInBlurba · 12/08/2013 11:54

"YOu need to offer to pay. Maybe explain that your're skint and send 3 cheques for £22 per month?"

Yup, this would be the right thing to do, as long as you don't find it too embarrassing - but lots of people are going through tough financial times right now, you're not the only one.

You need to concede the principle that you pay, but accept the reality that a lump sum is not workable right now. Suggest a concrete payment plan and offer to send the first instalment right now, so she knows you're being serious. Chances are she might then say something like 'oh, never mind if you're in a fix' - but if she insists on payment, as is her good right, then you need to go through with it and not be peeved with her. In return, she should not be peeved that her failure to cash the cheque right away means you don't have the readies at the ready.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 11:54

I dont agree. Op made every effort atthe time to pay and in fact handed over a cheque. Shoukd she have frog marched her friend to the bank?

namechangeforthispost864269 · 12/08/2013 11:56

I wouldn't offer to pay. you gave her the cheque she lost it her problem not yours

if you had her paid cash and she'd lost it only to remember months later would you repay her? no because she had the money and wasn't responsible enough to take proper care of it.

I've found loads of cheques I've forgotten to cash over the years (im really rubbish like that) if I don't cash a cheque with 4 weeks of it being issued i just don't bother as I think it's unfair. the person who wrote that cheque accounted for it that month not 6 months 12 months or a year down the lines.

I think your friend has missed out tbh. I'd just ignore it if she mentions it again just tell her you'll have to do it over a few months as your skint but also mention you won't be sending a cheque as a cheque has all your bank details on it if she can't keep that safe she is putting you at risk of fraud.

GibberTheMonkey · 12/08/2013 11:56

I would just reply
'Goodness you are scatty'

If she wants the money she has to ask for it. After all it's her fault she didn't actually get it not the ops.

Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 11:56

You owe her the money. I don't see an issue here at all???

burberryqueen · 12/08/2013 11:56

i do not agree either, op wrote a cheque and the friend fucked it up. not her problem.

Onesleeptillwembley · 12/08/2013 11:59

Whatever she has to spend and you dont, whether you enjoyed the evening or not, you owe it. Pay your debt. It's not nice to look for excuses not to pay, as you're doing. Have you got morals?

CancellingTheApocalypse · 12/08/2013 11:59

I don't think you owe the money. I have forgotten to cash cheques and its my fault so have let it go. Your friend is at fault. I would reply - ha ha silly forgetful you! Or something similar.

Original poster
sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:01

Good point namechangeforthispost - it was also very careless of her to lose my cheque not even realising she had done so. I didn't think of that issue, all my details and signature being on it, there for the taking........ If I do end up paying her, I certainly won't send her another cheque.

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:01

And she hasn't askd. She also needs to take responsibility for her lack of organisation and not expect the op to offer to re pay.

Original poster
sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:02

Onesleeptillwembley, of course I have morals which is why I am upset about this situation.....

OP posts:
brdgrl · 12/08/2013 12:03

I can't see a dilemma either, you need to send her a new cheque for the £66. It's a shame you didn't ever realise it hadn't been cashed, and it's a shame she mislaid it, but really, you both overlooked it, and why should she be out the money? You had the benefit and never paid, that simple. It's not a legal question, but an ethical one, really.

You could ask her, as a favour, to give you a specified and reasonable length of time to replace the cheque - I'm sure she'd understand if you said that you didn't have enough to cover it this month, but could take care of it next month, e.g....

GW297 · 12/08/2013 12:07

I always pay in cheques as soon as I can after they are given to me and always promise the person giving them that I will do so. I think it is courteous as the person is expecting the money to leave their account in the near future (however small the amount) and have been brought up to do this. I hate it when people are careless with cheques and fail to bank them for ages.

If I was your friend I would be too embarrassed to bring it to your attention after all this time and treat it as a relatively expensive learning experience. I find talking about money owed difficult though - my friend still owes me £28 and I can't seem to bring myself to ask her for it, even though I would want her to remind me were it the other way round!

As an aside, I have known of large charities failing to cash cheques for significant amounts of money for up to three months after they have been presented to them! This enrages me so much for many reasons.

I would not be forthcoming with the money if I were you and try to negotiate with your friend a resolution that you are both comfortable with and both feel is fair.

SouthernComforts · 12/08/2013 12:08

I don't think you owe her anything!

You gave her a payment, she misplaced it.

If you had given her cash and it fell out of her handbag on the way home would you pay again?

Original poster
sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:12

I feel good, have just offered to pay her in instalments saying we are proper skint, as per excellent advice here.... Will update you with the response!

OP posts:
flowery · 12/08/2013 12:15

"If you had given her cash and it fell out of her handbag on the way home would you pay again?"

How on earth would that be the same? Confused

A cheque is not the same as actual money! A cheque is a bit of paper saying that if the person presents the cheque at the bank, then the other persons bank will give them the actual money. Unless and until that point, the person who wrote the cheque still has the money, which would of course not be the case if it had been cash.

Lots of people here looking for excuses not to pay for something.

OP I expect your friend is embarrassed at her own disorganisation and doesn't feel able to directly ask for the money so is hoping that by doing what she's done, you'll offer the money. The gracious thing to do would be to offer it, not to "make her ask" as some have suggested, or to make excuses not to.

flowery · 12/08/2013 12:16

x-posts, sorry OP, glad you have offered the money.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:18

Id be irritated at the implication it was my fault tbh

Original poster
sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:18

Have offered flowery.

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 12:19

Flowerydo you not think it waz rude, what the friend did?

Original poster
sunnymum44 · 12/08/2013 12:22

I very clearly offered and asked for her bank details and also asked that she destroy the cheque. She has responded by asking if I'd like it shredded or sent to me.... I've said shredded please. She hasn't mentioned the instalments or her bank details......

OP posts:
5madthings · 12/08/2013 12:23

what tsc said. it is not the ops fault her friend forgot to cash it, i think she is being cheeky to bring it up now tbh.

kinkyfuckery · 12/08/2013 12:23

I think you've done the right thing by offering to pay up, but if I was your friend there's no way I could even dream of accepting it, especially after all this time. Hopefully she is just sharing in an 'Oh goodness, look what I just found!' way.
If she refuses it, you could always offer to take her out for dinner/drinks next time you are home?

waikikamookau · 12/08/2013 12:25

god if I was her I would have written it off!

waikikamookau · 12/08/2013 12:26

perhaps she doesn't want the money now and is just sharing with you in a humorous way?