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Original poster

in this situation?

107 replies

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 19:40

It's my dad's significant birthday in a few weeks. Mum and dad have booked a restaurant near them for a big family party. DH and I went with them a number of years ago, and DH was quite ill afterwards, not been since. We didn't mention it to either them or the restarurant at the time, which I now regret.
DH says he's not going. Parents are a bit irritated. Is there any compromise here?

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:07

Not right at the moment, no

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:08

When you say don't make excuses, seriously, what do I say when people ask where he is? Sorry

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garlicyoni · 15/04/2013 14:13

Stealth, it's 100% okay to tell other people H isn't there because he's a big baby and thinks the restaurant makes him ill.

Other people realise he isn't surgically attached to you. Just say "I tried, but he's stubborn like that."

He sounds like very hard work ... :(

garlicyoni · 15/04/2013 14:15

By now I would have told him he's NOT coming anyway, what with all the faffing about and whingeing!

CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:25

Me too, garlicyoni.

Stealth, draw a line under this sorry incident because it's not worth your upset. Tell him he's not coming, and that when people ask where he is you'll just say he's come down with a bug.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:27

Was just hoping to avoid polite chit chat on the subject of d and v over a lovely shellfish starter :o

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Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:27

But half of them will know I am lying. The other half will suspect we are splitting up. And does he fucking care?

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CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:28

And you're not unreasonable to nurture that hope! Which can be achieved by leaving DH at home and telling everyone he's come down with a chest bug. No need to mention D&V at all.

CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:29

Why will they know you're lying? I would absolutely take you at face value.

And sod 'em if they thing you're splitting - time will show them they're wrong.

Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:35

No need to mention d&v!
Say he didnt want to come and change the subject.
Please dont let it spoil your day.
Perhaps a family member you trust could make it known before hand that your dh doesnt want to go and that you are upset and would prefer not to talk about it on the day?
Is that an option?

Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:37

Also, just to add...dh and I often go to events on our own...I am going away for 3 days to ireland in 2 weeks for example!
It doesnt "mean" anything other than we enjoy time spent apart occasionally.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:39

No I agree, in general. But I can't see how not going to your fils sixtieth birthday - the fil you've up till that point got on very well with and who has been very kind and generous to you - can be seen as anything but a snub, unless you are literally bed bound.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:39

Now that really would make me think they were splitting up!

Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:40

You seem to care a lot about how other people percieve you and your life.
I just dont give a crappity crap so its easier for me :)
Seriously, you need to be asking yourself why this is upsetting you so much.
Go to your dads party. Have a nice time. Come home.
x

CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:40

That was to Badvoc, BTW.

Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:42

Yes, I get that.
But, honestly?
You cannot force an adult to do anything they dont want to do.
If he went it would probably spoil it for you now anyway.
So what if people think you are splitting up?
You arent.
So it doesnt matter what they think!!

......................

Or are you?
Is that what this is about?
Why on earth would you think people would jump to that conclusion!?

Voodika · 15/04/2013 14:44

Why don't you and the children go and say DH is at home ill ( which sounds likely) then everyone will be happy?

Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:44

Sorry cinnabar, x posts!
My going away you mean, or someone having a quiet word?
I think I see what you mean with the latter idea, but just trying to think of a way stealth could go and enjoy herself without fending off endless questions.
I am worried about you now stealth :(

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 14:47

Lol at "which sounds likely" whatever gave you that impression? :o
I don't know. I really haven't got a clue.

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CinnabarRed · 15/04/2013 14:52

Someone having a quiet word - that would prick my ears up a treat nosy old gimmer than I am.

Hence saying that he's poorly. And, thinking about it further, make it something irritating and infectious but not debilitating - so he's doing everyone a selfless favour by not turning up!

garlicyoni · 15/04/2013 15:20

Stealth. I luffs you. I'm sure most people do! Just tell 'em he's being a twit and you're looking forward to having a nice celebration, whinge-free. They'll get it :)

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 15:30

Lol. Nasty case of twititis. Symptoms- acting drunk, falling asleep, throwing food. They'll be glad he's at home

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garlicyoni · 15/04/2013 15:34

May I be the first to say LTB? Get Daddy to take you & DC home with them! You can be his surprise birthday present Grin

Glad your twititis immunity seems up to date.

AnyFucker · 15/04/2013 17:43

SPB, you are tying yourself in knots (and going to make yourself ill at this rate) trying to protect this man

Simply stop doing it

Let him feel the consequences of his own actions

I think, like a spoiled 3yo....this is exactly what he needs (and has been missing for a long time, because you cover for him?)

He's not a child, he is a grown man. Let him explain his thought processes. Stop covering up for him.

NigellaLawless · 15/04/2013 18:56

If this was my DH I would be mad as hell at him as i would think its incredibley rude and disrespectful to my father. However I certainly wouldn't lie for him. I would simply tell anyone who asked why he's not there. I would make it clear that I don't think the d&v came from the restaurant but that DH is a stubborn fool (
So as not to ruin the.meal for everyone else)

I'm sorry you are so upset about this. Your dad's 60th should be a really happy time! I hope you can put dhs stupidity to one side and enjoy yourself Smile