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Original poster

in this situation?

107 replies

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 19:40

It's my dad's significant birthday in a few weeks. Mum and dad have booked a restaurant near them for a big family party. DH and I went with them a number of years ago, and DH was quite ill afterwards, not been since. We didn't mention it to either them or the restarurant at the time, which I now regret.
DH says he's not going. Parents are a bit irritated. Is there any compromise here?

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:09

Doctrine I suspect because he knows no ne will listen. My parents go to this place regularly. Tbh I don't like it but its for my dads birthday.

OP posts:
TippiShagpile · 14/04/2013 20:10

I think you ought to leave him at home with a bit of dried toast. You and the dc should go out, make a fuss of your parents and have a lovely time.

It's not about him, it's about your parents so go without him.

And enjoy it.

HoneyDragon · 14/04/2013 20:10

I don't think you deserve a flaming SPB, but maybe some larger boots for butt kicking purposes Grin

Go and enjoy. If dh doesn't go and you ll get ill then he will be well enough to mop up Wink

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:14

That's the thing though tippi. This isn't about him being a party pooper. In discussions we've had recently he's talked about throwing a surprise party for my dad, or taking all close family out for a meal. While he can be an antisocial bit at times, he's not like that with family. He would usually be second in the line to make a fuss of my dad. But not this time.

OP posts:
Trills · 14/04/2013 20:14

I can see why your parents would be irritated.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:14

You know what? He'll probably decide to come, but then be too ill on the day...

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Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:15

Hmm.
Tricky.
I can both sides here.
Food poisoning is grim :(
But your dad likes this place and goes regularly.
I would suggest that possibly your dh caught noro from said grim toilet?
Does that make sense?
ESP if no one else in the party was ill?
In these situations (manky eatery) I tend to order the blandest, most boring thing on the menu (pasta and sauce etc) and no pud.
Perhaps that would be a compromise your dh could cope with?

Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:15

(And lots of alcohol to kill e germs obv) :)

Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:16

Is this place in notts?
I wonder if I know it......

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:17

No it's not but we are visiting soon so pls let us know where to avoid :)
It isn't grim though. I don't like it but it's popular and well rated. It's just dh who thinks it's dirty

OP posts:
Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:19

Well, if I were your dh, I would make sure not to use the toilets whilst there, order bland food, make pleasant conversation and go home.
I am sure he could do that.

Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:19

I hear good things about sat bains btw...

pumpkinsweetie · 14/04/2013 20:20

What are the chances of him getting food poisoning if that's what it was Hmm, again, many years later?? Probably zilch, either tell him to man up or stay home!

AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 20:20

spb, I am at a loss as to why you would be flamed

your H's arse, btw, should be burning right around now

and I am not talking about the food poisoning ring of fire Wink

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:20

Hmm yes. But I'm sure he'd come back with an argument about the ppl in the kitchens using those toilets.
Or say "ok ill risk it then"
I'd really just be better off without him

OP posts:
Trills · 14/04/2013 20:21

Your parents are probably either annoyed that:

a - (if they think your Dh is a reasonable person) he didn't mention it at the time so they would know not to visit that same place again

or

b - (if they think your DH is not a reasonable person) he is making a massive fuss over something that it is too late to change, when he is often ill so can't even be sure that it was related to the restaurant

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:21

What is sat bains?

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:22

Yes I know that and am inclined to agree with them. Question is what do I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:23

I thought I'd have been told off for not notifying environmental health at the time and for expecting dh to risk his health for the sake of keeping up appearances.

Or

I thought I'd be told to lt malingering b

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:30

Which I suppose I have
L t malingering b at home with a slice of dry toast

OP posts:
foryonisonly · 14/04/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 20:35

you don't need to leave the malingering bastard (unless you want to, of course)

but you do need to call his bluff and not allow him to spoil your own enjoyment of the celebration

and if that necessitates telling him to stay at home with some dry toast, then so be it

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:38

Actually no, I'm not telling him anything unless he asks. I've told mum and she's counting him out. He can tell his parents, unless they ask me directly. I'm not having this argument again with him, on the day ill just go.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 20:39

Good for you

Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:39

Yes, sorry, it's a restaurant.
If he has form for this (being difficult and/or spoiling family occasions) then go in your own with the dc?
If he has a valid medical complaint (does he?) then dont force him to go.
Just go without him and enjoy yourself.
Don't let him play the martyr card.

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