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Original poster

in this situation?

107 replies

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 19:40

It's my dad's significant birthday in a few weeks. Mum and dad have booked a restaurant near them for a big family party. DH and I went with them a number of years ago, and DH was quite ill afterwards, not been since. We didn't mention it to either them or the restarurant at the time, which I now regret.
DH says he's not going. Parents are a bit irritated. Is there any compromise here?

OP posts:
lastnightidreamt · 14/04/2013 20:39

Sat Bains is a bit Heston Blumenthal - depends if that's your sort of thing or not!

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:40

Life is too short for this shit

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:41

I googled sat bins, looks good but we aren't really going anywhere near. I didn't know if it was your way of subtly dropping a hint, but it seems though it is genuinely nice

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Badvoc · 14/04/2013 20:43

I have just heard very good things about it and thought your dh wouldn't be able to complain about it! :)
I would love to go.
And yes, life is too short.
Have a lovely time x

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:49

Ha! If he's in a complaining mood he'd manage :)

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lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2013 20:54

He's being riduculous (if the place had a record of poisoning people it would have been shut down, made to improve or closed through loss of custom) but it sounds as though you'll have a nicer time without him. If he does go, you must prioritise having a nice time yourself over pandering to his obsession. Hope you enjoy yourself!

WorrySighWorrySigh · 14/04/2013 20:54

Is he most likely to

a. go with but poke at his food suspiciously putting everyone else off their food?

or

b. plan to go but worry himself into green faced misery the morning of the event then have to cry off at the last minute?

Actually, in either case just leave him at home but make sure there is nothing to eat but dog biscuits (buy them in if you need to!).

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 20:56

Lol at dog biscuits. Unfortunately he can phone a takeaway shop

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Hassled · 14/04/2013 20:59

Is he a bit phobic about D&V? I mean I know none of us exactly welcome it with open arms, but it's a lot harder for some people to cope with. Is it actually anxiety about the risk of possibly having D&V, if you see what I mean?

WorrySighWorrySigh · 14/04/2013 21:00

Not if you accidentally take his wallet with you!

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 21:05

Well he has plenty of practice hassled. No, I don't think he's any more bothered than average about d and v.
What do I say when we're all tucking into our meals and great aunt Sylvia asks where he is?

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lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2013 21:10

If he's not going, he has to provide the excuse. Otherwise you think of an embarrasing one and assure him you'll tell people that.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2013 21:20

But really, I do think he needs to stop being such a silly billy and recognise than when we become grown ups, we sometimes have to do things we don't like, for the benefit of other people.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 21:31

"Well, Great Aunt Sylvia, thanks for asking but it's like this. My husband prefers to cut off his nose to spite his face. I have no idea why. Hopefully one day he will discover A Grip. Until then, how are your bunions coming along...?"

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2013 21:32

Yes, agree. But I'm not responsible for his behaviour or decisions. Fast coming to realise that

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2013 21:38

I'd go for, lowered voice, 'men's troubles. He went to see the doctor yesterday and he's feeling a little bit uncomfortable... down there.' Conspiratorial nod.

Unless you have very uninhibited aunts, I don't think that line of discussion will be progressing further.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 21:43
Grin
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 08:42

oh thatis evil :)
I think DH is coming to the conclusion he should get a grip and go.
I'm not sure what would be best tbh

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Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 09:24

Urgh sick of this fight

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Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 09:31

Just told him that people don't tend to miss their wife's fathers birthday unless there are significant problems in the marriage, and anything I say to 'explain' will sound like a weak excuse.

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Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 10:09

So bloody annoyed with I now. I won't be seeking one out but if a divorce lawyer knocked at the door right now I'd consider it

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HorryIsUpduffed · 15/04/2013 10:44

If he genuinely had a bad D&V experience that he believes originated from there then I can understand why he would be anxious about going back - and anxiety can often result in an upset stomach anyway so it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I haven't dared to go back to Alton Towers, put it that way Grin Or indeed France (less rational).

That's the benefit of the doubt. His feelings could be genuinely deep seated.

On the other hand, it is a royal pain dealing with someone whose dietary preferences/needs cut out places or events you'd prefer to try. If he has form for making things all about him then I can see why you'd feel less tolerant.

I'm torn. I think in general adults should "man up" for this kind of event, and it would be the height of rudeness to go but fuss about the food once there. If he does go, he acts like an adult. If he doesn't go, all you need to say to enquiries is "he isn't well today".

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 10:55

Lol. He doesn't have dietary stuff but I do feel he's always ill. But then he says not. Don't know what to think tbh. He's now saying he will come. So why did he absolutely put his foot down yesterday and I had to call and upset my mum.
Don't think I'm thinking about this clearly any more. All tied up with other stuff. I need a break from it all

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Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2013 13:56

Oh now I've been speaking to dad and am in floods of tears again. It shouldn't be this hard for them t buy us a meal for his birthday

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Badvoc · 15/04/2013 14:05

Look, stealth.
Just go.
Enjoy yourself.
Let your dh do what he wants.
Do not make excuses for him.
I think there must be more to this tbh.....
Are you ok?