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Original poster

debt and thoughts of suicide

270 replies

joee123 · 25/10/2012 21:33

I am a single mum with a ten year old.i am drowning in debt and santander are taking me to court on the 5th november for repossession.the council and debts agencies are pushingme from pillar to post.my daughter goes away on sunday for 1 week.i feel quite calm now as im planning to take my life.i know she will be looked after.i dont even know why im here.im jyst desperate i suppose

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Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 21:33

I have a brilliant boss and work colleagues luckily.get regular supervision Xxx

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lucyellenmum · 26/10/2012 21:40

Joee you are truly amazing! You are an absolute fighter, you are right you will be very up and down. When you are down, one of us, at least, will be here for you. Do please keep us posted of progress.

How long is your daughter away for? Have you thought of ways to keep yourself busy?

brightermornings · 26/10/2012 21:43

Enjoy your weekend with dd before she goes away. It's hard when there away my dd went away with school at the beginning of October. I missed waking her up in the morning and sleepy cuddles.
Next week just take one day at a time.

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 21:45

She is away for 1 week with her dad which is unusual.i work full time which is always manic.with the court on the 5th november in desperation i was wsiting for her to go this week.i had made a plan which probably sounds mad xxx

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amillionyears · 26/10/2012 21:45

So glad things are a little brighter.
And glad friends know that you need some support.
People on here can help you with the financial stuff. Or if not on this thread,on the money matters and legal boards.

Defragged · 26/10/2012 22:00

Joee i am so pleased to hear you are feeling there might be a way through that doesn't uproot you and your daughter - I really hope that comes together for you - and to go to work today knowing how you've been feeling and the fears you have had, you are a right trooper! And well done for opening up to colleagues and friends - brave lady.

You know, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but as much as it is great that you are feeling more positive, it's clear you do recognise yourself that there might be times again coming up when you may feel challenged to stay positive. That you want to come on here is fab, but there are a few other things you could do that would be taking steps to ensure you keep safe, to protect yourself now, while you are feeling more positive, for times ahead when you might experience a dip.

I picked up earlier (and this might be me being overcautious) but you did say you were planning to end your life when your daughter goes away - if you have made plans, like, getting pills together, working out how etc, do you feel able and strong enough at the moment to get rid of these things safely - so they are just simply not there if things do swamp you again (am thinking when dd goes away). Because, honestly, if things have got that far, then you are still in real danger if emotions swamp you again - I'm sorry to be so intense, but does this make sense to you? For your daughter's sake and all who love you, if you have things like that, get rid of them now, can you do that?

Again, samaritans are great to talk to about all of this, and will advise the same - they won't refer on to anyone else without your permission, if that is what is concerning you. But they will know exactly what to do to help you stay safe xxx

MrsHoarder · 26/10/2012 22:02

Glad it sounds as though you are starting to handle things. Keep us posted.

Defragged · 26/10/2012 22:12

Can you ask your friends to be around for you next week?

Can you ask them to call you each day to check in on you?

Please don't under estimate the risk that is still there, even though you are feeling a little brighter. Next week is going to be tough.

I also think your GP may help. Do you have a good one? You may get some other support from counselling or ADs which only need be a short term thing (6 months or so).

It is a serious thing to be feeling the way you have, having a plan makes it even more serious, but you sound like you have every chance of getting through this, with flying colours Smile

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:15

Defragged I hear what you re saying.going to work feels more normal and positive.Yes I have tablets and I can t bring myself to lose them as yet. I know when she goes away will be the real crunch time also because of the looming court date and pressure from santander.having the tablets sadly feels like security.i also hear what you re saying abiut talking to friends or the samaritans about the way i ve been feeling.i also kniw through friends who have lost loved ones that sometimes people seem brighter nesr the end.I promise though i have felt brighter today and i am prepared that i might feel really down when she goed awsy.thankyou for caring xxx

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ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 26/10/2012 22:23

Have you contacted Shelter op?
I know you probably feel swamped by information from different sources, but these people really know their stuff. There should be one of their representatives at court to help people in your position.
Some info from their website here.

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:24

I have a couple of good friends close by who turn up with shopping and sweets for the girl.They know how difficult this week will be and i can see them coming here even if i dont want them too! I will think about seeing the gp too.not something im known for!! Xxx

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Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:26

Thank u shotgun.i spoke to shelter last week.i cant get legal aid and they dont have a rep at the court, but they said if i get there early the ciurt should provude someone on duty.a friend is coming too for moral support xxx

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amillionyears · 26/10/2012 22:36

joee123,could you put the pills somewhere where it is difficult to access them?
So,you would still have them,but it would be a right nuisance to get to them?

Defragged · 26/10/2012 22:43

I understand joee - thanks for answering my questions. I know they must be hard to hear.

amillionyears idea is good - putting them somewhere that is hard to get to - can you think of somewhere? Can you also promise us you will come on here first before reaching for them? Or call the samaritans?

So what do you have planned for sunday to help you cope - can you get someone to come visit or stay with a friend from work? I am Sad at the idea of you being on your own at home that day.

Defragged · 26/10/2012 22:46

Can you dig them in a hole in the garden tomorrow? It's cold now, it would be a big thing to go and get them, but you would know they are there?

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:50

Defragged and Millionyears promise i will put them out in the garden or something.i also promise to ring/ friend or samaritans or come on here if i feel that low.the bloomin landline might be cut off but ive still got a mobile !! It seems much more comforting somehow to tell you guys xxx

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Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:53

If you guys knew me :-) my pals always say i fight for everyone.i always believe in 'pay it forward' this forum just bolsters my belief in that thinking xxx

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Defragged · 26/10/2012 22:56

Bless your heart, thank you so much for promising that. It means a lot Smile
Let us know when you've buried them!
I'm sure many of us will be around sunday - you also have offers to PM people - the kindness on here is truly amazing
I'm out tomorrow , sunday a bit hectic too but will check in at some point.
Have a lovely day tomorrow with dd

lucyellenmum · 26/10/2012 22:58

Please get rid of the tablets, please please please, i know what you mean about the security, when i was depressed i had enough tablets in the house to knock down a rhino (my dad had passed away and the care home had given me the meds to dispose of, god knows why!!). It actually took me a while to get rid of them. It got to the point where i knew i couldn't have them in the house anymore.

If you absolutely must keep them, will you do something for me - write this number down 0845 790 9090 in big numbers and attach it to the bottle with a laccy band. Its the number of the samaritans. I know that we are all here for you, we are, and there is bound to be someone around relatively quickly, the samaritans are at the end of the line within seconds. You know you want to get through this.

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 22:59

Thanku defragged.i m not sure i know how to pm people.we will definitely be having some laughs tomorrow- one thing we have to bath the rabbit, who is huge!! Xxx

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lucyellenmum · 26/10/2012 23:02

awwww, i had two big rabbits, one brittish giant and one french lop. They were both lovely, and HUGE. The brittish giant weighed 7kg, which is more than my dog!

Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 23:02

Lucyellenmum promise i have that number- i will call them/someone or start posting if i get desperate.thank you thank you xxx

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Original poster
joee123 · 26/10/2012 23:05

I dont kniw what she is, she was from a rescue place.but she s mahoosive !! Xxx

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amillionyears · 26/10/2012 23:05

You are coming across as a strong woman. I think you will get through all this okay.
We used to have 2 rabbits. I like rabbits.

Defragged · 26/10/2012 23:08

Well your huge rabbit is going to need you too this week, that's for sure Smile

to pm - go to the end of the blue line where the person has posted and click on message poster - never done it myself so am sure others will know more about it.
Signing off now, hope you have another good night and day