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Original poster

in-laws have dangerous dog but want me to leave baby

46 replies

cookingoutsidethebox · 15/10/2012 11:19

My partner's family have a dog that attacked and hospitalised my sister-in-law about a year ago (for five days and she needed surgery). I have refused to leave the baby alone at their house (partner has been there with him) as I am totally not comfortable with it but as an emergency last week they came round to look after him at mine and this, perhaps remarkably was the first time I have been alone with partner's mum and she really laid into me about how she never gets to see the baby and said I was being stupid when I said it was because I don't want to bring him round because of the dog. I momentarily wondered if I am being unreasonable but no, keep concluding that the risk is too great and the consequences too catastrophic despite her assurances that there is no way they would ever let the dog anywhere near the baby and the dog lives in the garden (my partner says he also goes in the back room adjoining the kitchen though). I just cannot leave him there. The obvious solution is to say you are welcome to look after him at our place but I feel bad that they would keep having to traipse over to see us and the truth is I am desparate for a break which would be nice to have relaxing at home by myself rather than going out killing time while they get some time alone with the baby. I don't know the in laws very well at all as partner is a bit odd about family and has kept us apart but really want them to have a relationship with the baby for the benefit of both. From what the mother said though they are clearly questioning my parenting (in particular another very judgemental sister who knows nothing about it and has no children has been criticising my choices - actually the dog is hers). Partner agrees with me about not leaving the baby alone there too btw.

I just don't know what to do for the best as I would love to have the benefit of a break while they get a chance to know the baby and he them.

OP posts:
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 15/10/2012 11:22

Your baby, your choice

I wouldn't do it

SamSmalaidh · 15/10/2012 11:22

I wouldn't let the baby go over to theirs at all, even with your partner!

lisad123 · 15/10/2012 11:24

I wouldn't let him there at all even with partner!! You would never forgive yourself if something happened.

NomNomingiaDePlum · 15/10/2012 11:25

i wouldn't leave him anywhere near a dog that hospitalised somebody for five days, and i think it's astonishing that they think you should. make it clear that you are happy for them to have a relationship with your baby, in a safe environment. if they think that's unreasonable, i think they probably aren't fit to care for him anyway.

Frontpaw · 15/10/2012 11:26

Not on your life! If the dog has already hospitalised someone, I am amazed that it wasn't removed from the home. If the dog did to a child what it did to your SIL, it would be dead. Most stories of dogs mauling children are 'pets who wouldn't harm a fly' or family pets who managed to get alone with a small child and go for it.

Your DPs family are being very stupid. What type of dog is it?

MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 15/10/2012 11:28

Your inlaws are being ridiculous. Don't risk it.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 15/10/2012 11:28

Wow. No way would my baby be within 100ft of a dangerous dog.

Horrible thought.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 15/10/2012 11:30

I wonder if your partner has been keeping you away from them because he knows what they are like?

Definitely DON'T let them have your baby.

Also, how is the dog still there if he hospitalised someone for 5 days? Can you talk to the SIL who was hospitalised - she may be an ally?

Frontpaw · 15/10/2012 11:31

I really hope it bites you MIL. Not badly, but enough to give her a reality check.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/10/2012 11:31

No way would I be letting my baby go to their house if they have a dog which they cannot control. How did your SIL end up bitten? And what have your PIL done to make sure it never happens again?

colditz · 15/10/2012 11:33

I would say a big resounding NO!

I am not a dog hater, I have a dog, but vicious dogs and children do not mix, and babies are likely to be viewed as some sort of squeaky toy!

justbogoffnow · 15/10/2012 11:34

You know that under no circumstances are you going to be leaving your baby there. I'm astonished that they still have the dog. You will have to put with DP's family's totally unreasonable view that they should be able to see the baby at their property. Don't ever go there either with or without your baby. Lots of people don't get a break because they have no family/friends nearby to look after a child for a couple of hours. Your priority is the safety of your baby and you know this.

BobbiFleckmann · 15/10/2012 11:34

I wouldn't even take the baby over for a visit where I remained the whole time unless the dog was securely chained outside.

RummidgeGeneral · 15/10/2012 11:34

Trust your instincts. Don't take the baby to their house while they have that dog.

MikeOxardForHalloween · 15/10/2012 11:35

I think you are completely mad to even consider it for a second. No way I would leave my baby there, and I'd have massive reservations about leaving a child in the care of idiots people with such a serious lack of judgement when it comes to keeping the child safe.

Original poster
cookingoutsidethebox · 15/10/2012 11:37

Spoke to SIL last week as she is the one I know best in the family and she bizarrely thought it would be ok too. They are all in denial and at the time totally downplayed the whole thing so that nothing would happen to the dog (hence it still being there).

Thanks for all these answers - I obviously knew I was right on this one but it feels good to get some back up!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/10/2012 11:38

NO WAY my child would ever be at theirs with that dog in a million years.

jill666 · 15/10/2012 11:38

they will only take the dog away under bsl eg if it was a staffy rottie or ddb something that is typed as dangerous if its a safe breed lab collie etc its not seen as being dangerous at all :( i hav 3 dogs one of who is a staffy and i trust them all with all 6 kids but i wld never leave the youngest who is 3 alone with any of the dogs as he cld do anything to them and they are not capable of saying pls stop that hurts .... cld u ask them to muzzle the dog when the baby is there if u can trust them to do it but no knowing the dog has bitten and been hospitalised for 5 days due to injury even i wouldn leave baby with them ...

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 15/10/2012 11:39

If ANY dog turns on its owner whom it is supposed to love and trust and does enough damage to hospitalise them for almost a week then it is dangerous, regardless of breed/size.

I speak as a dog owner. No way would I leave my baby with anyone who allowed their animal to behave in such a way. Keeping it outside probably doesnt help the dog either.

your inlaws are clearly delusional.

fraserboysmum · 15/10/2012 11:39

I'd rather have the MIL rant and rave at me for being 'selfish' any day of the week than leave my child in a home with a dangerous dog ~ you'd never forgive yourself if anything happened, so don't do it ! And DH agrees with you, so you have back up too, it's a no brainer xx

colditz · 15/10/2012 11:39

They don't need time alone with the baby and the baby doesn't need time alone with them. Get our partner to take the baby to the park for a walk if you need an hour alone in the house

maillotjaune · 15/10/2012 11:40

How is the dog still there? Was it the SIL who owns the dog who was bitten and therefore didn't report that It was her dog?

I am quite nervous of dogs generally so wouldn't consider it and as your DP agrees you just need to stand firm. At least it's a disagreement with his parents rather than with him.

colditz · 15/10/2012 11:40

And tell them they are welcome to visit and play with the baby while you get a bath

jill666 · 15/10/2012 11:41

cookingoutsidethebox its just a thought but you could report them to the police or the rspca under section 3 of the dda i know its harsh reporting family but just an idea

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/10/2012 11:41

I am a dog lover, and I wouldn't feel comfortable around a dog that had bitten someone that badly. To ask you to leave a baby or a child in their care while they blatantly can't see a problem would be madness.

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