in-laws have dangerous dog but want me to leave baby

[cookingoutsidethebox]

My partner's family have a dog that attacked and hospitalised my sister-in-law about a year ago (for five days and she needed surgery). I have refused to leave the baby alone at their house (partner has been there with him) as I am totally not comfortable with it but as an emergency last week they came round to look after him at mine and this, perhaps remarkably was the first time I have been alone with partner's mum and she really laid into me about how she never gets to see the baby and said I was being stupid when I said it was because I don't want to bring him round because of the dog. I momentarily wondered if I am being unreasonable but no, keep concluding that the risk is too great and the consequences too catastrophic despite her assurances that there is no way they would ever let the dog anywhere near the baby and the dog lives in the garden (my partner says he also goes in the back room adjoining the kitchen though). I just cannot leave him there. The obvious solution is to say you are welcome to look after him at our place but I feel bad that they would keep having to traipse over to see us and the truth is I am desparate for a break which would be nice to have relaxing at home by myself rather than going out killing time while they get some time alone with the baby. I don't know the in laws very well at all as partner is a bit odd about family and has kept us apart but really want them to have a relationship with the baby for the benefit of both. From what the mother said though they are clearly questioning my parenting (in particular another very judgemental sister who knows nothing about it and has no children has been criticising my choices - actually the dog is hers). Partner agrees with me about not leaving the baby alone there too btw.

I just don't know what to do for the best as I would love to have the benefit of a break while they get a chance to know the baby and he them.

Don't do it! As PPs have said, any dog that turns on its owner shouldn't be let anywhere near a child. If she can't control it enough to stop it attacking her, why does she think she'll be able to control it around your LO?

Exactly chickens you/me wouldnt trust a dog who did that, so why would we put a child at risk, who is totally defenceless in a potentially deadly scenario.

If they cant see that their dog is dangerous then I wouldnt trust them to look after the baby.

YANBU no bloody way! at your dipshit inlaws who think you are being unreasonable!

I wouldn't go round to their house AT ALL until that dog is gone. Your DP agrees with you which imo is always a bonus when you're on the same page about these things. Dig your heels on this one. The outcome if you dont could be devastating.

Do other children visit?

"they will only take the dog away under bsl eg if it was a staffy rottie or ddb something that is typed as dangerous if its a safe breed lab collie etc its not seen as being dangerous at all"

This is not true at all. BSL in the UK at least does not mention any of those breeds , and a dog may be removed/destroyed regardless of breed if considered a danger to the public (though it's less clear-cut if an incident has occurred on private property).

In this case no I definitely wouldn't be comfortable letting a child visit the house (and I say that as a dog owner/lover, it isn't fair on either dog or child to put them in a situation where a serious bite could happen). Just say no, they can moan all they like but it is your (and your partner's) decision, and your responsibility to keep your child safe.

They don't sound very sensible people (to say the least) or very good dog owners.

My concern is your MiL. She has had a go at you.

What she has not done is acknowledged she has a dog with severe behaviourial issues with people. She has not explained what she has done to address this now she has a grandchild that she wants in her home. She has not outlined what procedures she has in place to ensure both dog and child will be kept safe and separately from each other. The more mobile the child becomes the more important this will be.

She has had a go at you instead.

UANBU. If you need a break get someone else to care for your child. This isn't caring.

It was not the owner it attacked (there are two sisters).

Yes, one of the arguments MIL used was that friends leave their children there (I wonder if they know) also that it hasn't done it again (like that is convincing).

I did think about reporting it (anonymously) at the time as was pregnant and anticipated the problems it would cause. Also pretty angry with them as what if it did it to someone else?

The dog is some sort of huusky type thing (but not a husky) and I have always been a dog lover too incidentally.

DP isn't the sort to take the baby out while I get a rest sadly. He would look after him in house though so may just have to start taking myself out for solo coffees!

Loving this btw, as a first time poster, it is so reassuring to get so many responses (confirming my thoughts!) so quickly after spending the weekend fretting about it. So big thanks to everyone xx

Not a chance in hell.

A dog that can hospitalise a grown woman would kill a child.

I would not take that chance. Particularly since the owners of the dog appear to be defensive about it instead of taking action and laying out exactly how they would 100% guarantee your child's safety.

absolutely no fucking way. No way on earth.

If anything - ANYTHING AT ALL - happened you would not be able to turn back the clocks and you would NEVER forgive yourself.

Your MIL is a moron. No offence.

what i ment was that they dont usually take dogs that r considered safe eg labs collies etc didnt mean to put the bsl bit in my fault for doin 2 things at once n gettin mixed up lol but definatly dont take baby round as dog cant b trusted at all

No way would ds go over there at all!

You are certainly doing the right thing in refusing to take your baby into a house where there is a dangerous dog.
Your MIL sounds very controlling, and her demands should be ignored. Grandparents do not need time alone with the baby.

Try to rest yourself as much as possible, I know this easier said than done, maybe your partner or a friend would sit with the baby while you rest?

Er, I have and love dogs, but no way in the weld would I let my child near a dog which has attacked and hospitalised anyone.

Your MIL sounds odd and rude. If they want to see their grandchild they get someone else to care for the dog that weekend (& to be fair your are under no obligation to leave your child unattended with gps you don't know well, dog or no dog).

I would not leave my baby with this dog.

I would not allow my baby to be with this dog even if my partner were there.

This dog has bitten a person very, very badly. Only a conspiracy of silence has stopped the dog being rehomed (as a minimum).

I wouldn't let my child go there even with their dad.

Babies don't need to be left with GPs to bond. I'm sorry you need a break but I wouldn't be leaving your ds with them even in your own house. They obviously have issues around what is safe and what isn't.

I can't believe that your partner's mum thinks you're the one being unreasonable here.

The dog has hospitalised an adult.

The dog has not been put down.

Your partner's family clearly don't believe that the dog is dangerous, despite it having seriously injured an adult.

I would not let my child anywhere near that dog. I wouldn't be happy about my child being in the same property as the dog, even if me or DH was also there.

They don't sound like responsible dog owners, if they can't address what happened and why you might be worried about it. It's all denial and evasion. So, bottom line, you can't trust them to be sensible or to take the precautions they claim they would take. By all means offer to let them come to you more often to see the baby, but wherever you are, don't let any of them get away with laying into you.

Dangerous dog aside, who the hell decided that it was automatic that a baby should HAVE to stay with Grandparents at all? You have said yourself that you find them odd and you don't see them very often therefore baby won't be used to them. I certainly wouldn't allow them to look after my baby alone, and having a dangerous dog around you should tell them they are lucky baby ever comes over at all.
They know where you live, they should visit you more.

OP - from what you've said, I wouldn't even visit their house by myself for an afternoon, never mind leave my child there.

Your child will be automatically assumed as bottom of the pack, and any interaction the dog sees that contradicts that assumption will get your child killed.

I wouldn't even let them bring the dog when they come to visit you, either. They aren't fit to own a dog, by the sounds of things. Some people simply aren't (and even though i love them dearly, I include my sister and her family in this group).

Aargh, so much wrong with this situation my head is going to explode.

Who are these people who think they can have a go at Anyone, anywhere, let alone a family member in their own home. Your MIL is bonkers and I would be expecting an apology for her calling you selfish. She would not be welcome in my house until I had received that apology and she demonstrated she understood why my children would never be setting foot in her house while the dog is there.

Also, what is all this nonsense about your DP not being the sort to take your child out of the house? What?! Why do you think that is acceptable?!

Japaese akita perhaps?