dh just revealed he's lost/spent our savings

[earthswallowmeup]

this is probably the wrong place but i'm a bit stunned. i really don't know what to do
i'm packing up to move to another country next week to start new life and business. dh has gone on ahead 2 months ago. he has just revealed he used most of our savings on a drug deal and it went wrong and the money is lost.
i can't believe it. i had no idea he was involved in anything like that or even knew people who were.
im still in shock. he told me a couple of hours ago. im busy with selling our things and sorting out house and ds has been sick past 24hrs so im too tired to think straight.
i just don't know what to do. i've cried and screamed and the facts remain the same, our flights are booked and non refundable
i just don't know what to do. to stay or go. what to do about dh.
he's suddenly like a stranger. his solution seemed to be to do something illegal to try to recoup loss. seriously. i'm in shock and have no-one i can tell about this

The only reason he has been trying to recoup the loss is so he didn't have to tell you about it. I wonder if he has done this before, but managed to get away with it? You could be putting yourself and your children in a very dangerous situatiojn if this 'deal gone wrong' has upset the wrong sort of people.

i think that through friends of friends he has decided it was a risk free investment opportunity. he's obviously just been taken for the fool he is with all our money.
i just feel sick and can't really think straight all options seem impossible

yep, agree with TeaOneSugar and Dooin. Could potentially be very dangerous :(

Don't go. Possessions mean nothing. Your and your children's safety is paramount.

Go to a shelter, a B&B anything, but do not join him in whatever country he has gone to.

yes wishingchair i think that's basically it.

i'm just as shocked he's carried on this pretence of doing the building work as planned
a month ago i was having cold feet and suggested staying here until next year and he jumped to agree it was a good idea but i persuaded myself we should just keep to the plan and stay together as a family and then gave notice on the house etc

Stop and breathe.

You need time to think and sort what youre going to do. Can you stay with a friend? Dont get on those flights unless you are absolutely sure.

i don't think it's a dangerous situation there. more we haven't got the money to set up the business so we're fucked with no income and lots of money invested already.
i am thinking i have to go there to fold things up somehow. maybe sell somethings. otherwise if i stay here, where i don't know, i've lost everything

Where is home for you earth, here or there?

You cannot go. You cannot walk into a country where you have no savings, no employment and the only people your DH knows are his associates in a botched drug deal. It is not safe.

Not to mince words (and I am sorry about this) you have already lost everything and I feel very very sorry for you. But following your fuckwit of a husband to this country after what he has done is leaping from a frying pan into an empty grate. There is nothing there for your family. Whether or not your relationship survives this is another issue (mine wouldn't).

What exactly are you going to fold up?

What country are you going to?

s future there?o how does HE propose you all progress? does he see any

jumping laptop!!

i meant,does he see any future there?!!

PResumably you have £7k of savings left
Why not stay here and rent a new place with that cash?

thanks for your help dude..

i'm still in shock but i have to salvage something. we have literally thrown all eggs in one basket for a long time. we have bought property and invested a lot in the new business already. if i stay here with nothing how can i trust dh with what we have left?
i'm starting to think maybe i should forget selling our remaining things here, put in storage and go there next week and try to sell up and decide what to do next

No advice really, but if you shipped your stuff last week, do you mean they packed it and picked it up, or that it is gone on the ship? If the former, call the movers NOW and ask them to hold it, until you can work out what you are doing.

Are you determined to go?

Phone the shipping co. It is v unlikely that the stuff is on the ship already. They should be able to hold it.

the finance issue is that the money dh has 'lost' was supposed to fund the last stage of building work and set up costs, we were already stretched to the bare bones but optimistic that with some careful planning we'd get through the first year and things will build up slowly

the issue of dh and what the fuck i do about him is separate really. i can't let him bankrupt us, the kids are all ready to go. i don't want to whimper off to a life on breadline when i've invested everything in planning this future. better to go it alone perhaps

You'd be a fool to go.

Is there a reason why you won't tell us where you are supposed to be going? You have been asked several times.