Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

WWYD if OW was moved in?

28 replies

coproxamol · 03/07/2011 22:03

DH has been cheating on you. You catch him out, tell him to move out as this is the DCs home and you're not prepared to move them into a motel, whatever.
DH refuses as it's his house, and he wants to move OW in.

So do you give in and move out or join the cast of Big Love?

OP posts:
mo3d · 03/07/2011 22:05

What? Is this happening to you coproxamol or just theoretical?

mo3d · 03/07/2011 22:10

I would have to move out. I couldn't watch him and ow all over each other. How would it be explained to the DCs? How would you not manage to kill H or ow? The atmosphere in the house would be unbearable. The children would know that you, at least, were very unhappy.

Why would ow move in? She must be very thick skinned to think this is ok.

diggingintheribs · 03/07/2011 22:14

I would tell H that he may have no respect or love left for me but he needs to show some for his children

how would kids not be messed up by that situation?

and what kind of person would see their kids booted out of their home at a time their parents are splitting up?

I would then see a solicitor ASAP about filing for divorce and seeing if there is a way of getting to stay in the house.

Original poster
coproxamol · 03/07/2011 22:21

Not moved in yet, but the subject has been broached by him.

OP posts:
mo3d · 03/07/2011 22:26

Is he serious? I can't believe he's serious. Tell me you're not considering this? If he wants ow then he needs to leave and set up home elsewhere. Not right under your nose.

diggingintheribs · 03/07/2011 22:34

wow - speechless

do you know ow? why in a million years would she consider this?

If he can't think of you he really needs to think of the kids

Does she not have a home he can move to?

If married, it isn't his house and he needs to remember that

Original poster
coproxamol · 03/07/2011 22:37

No I am not considering this, he is.
Obviously I am totally against it, but I cannot leave without DCs and I won't remove them from their home either.
And yes they are both thickskinned enough to do this.

We are at a gridlock with neither of us willing to give in. So I think he's pulling this ploy in order to push me out.

OP posts:
mo3d · 03/07/2011 22:39

Then stand your ground. Im sure this cant be legal on some level. You need to get some advice. See a solicitor asap.

diggingintheribs · 03/07/2011 22:39

have you seen a solicitor?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/07/2011 22:42

You are married and you have children, therefore you have rights over the house even if it is entirely in his name. Go and see a solicitor. You do not have to accept this. A court may order him out of the house or force a sale, and you will be awarded a share of the proceeds if that happens.

Original poster
coproxamol · 03/07/2011 22:51

Apparently it's not illegal, just morally wrong.

I can force him to sell the house, but he is going to make it all as difficult as possible.
I suppose for an easy life I should just move us all out, but am so angry that, as the breadwinner, he can afford to get away with this.

OP posts:
mo3d · 03/07/2011 22:57

Have you explained to him how upset the children will be if this happens? Why would he not consider moving in with the the ow somewhere else? It's the least he could do after having an affair. I feel for you coproxamol.

AnyFucker · 03/07/2011 23:03

I shall tell you what I would do in this situation, and I am totally serious

I would have him knee-capped

problem solved

no man would treat me like this

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 04/07/2011 00:39

Coproxamol, are you saying this because you have seen a solicitor? Because, irrespective of what actually happened in the breakdown of a marriage, I think you do have rights in the family home, which will be regarded by the court as the children's home and their needs will take priority.

AF: I think that is possibly the most ridiculous advice you have ever given.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 04/07/2011 00:42

no, it isn't (AF here)

this bloke isn't going to listen to reason

it seems the law could actually be on his side

if OP has been down all the legal avenues and there really is no other way out, there is only one way to go

get some big blokes to threaten his arse

I would do that (and have done it) when all else has failed

it works fucking wonders with a bully, believe me

sometimes you have to speak their language

mamas12 · 04/07/2011 00:46

It is emotional abuse of the highest order towards your childrens mental health and no way should he be allowed to even consider this for another day.
What on earth do the rest of his and your family think about this fuckwittery.?
Laugh right in thier faces and tell them to go to hell and then get yourself to womens aid and get their advice on how to leggally deal with this horrible man.

Monty27 · 04/07/2011 00:47

If you have legal rights as an owner/inhabitant of the house, then surely, surely, an unwelcome visitor can be dealt with by the police? Confused

mamas12 · 04/07/2011 00:47

leggally! I think that's a freudian slip their with regard to AF post

TheFarSideOfFuck · 04/07/2011 00:51

mamas Grin

I am half-serious

but I would do it, if all else failed

no fucking way would some twat think they could do this to me

my house is my castle, and I would protect it any way I thought appropriate, particularly if I had kids living there

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2011 03:31

Good god. My mother did this to my stepfather!

She had an affair. He wouldn't/couldn't leave (partly pride, partly thinking he could win her back if he stayed, poor man - she really screwed him up). She moved out of their bedroom, converted the dining room into her bedroom & didn't move him in per se, but he stayed several nights. He (SF) made sure they didn't cross paths, but looking back now, he must have been heartbroken. He left one day, when it all got too much. We are still in contact & he is a lovely man, I cannot forgive my mother for what she did to him, because he did so much for us...but that's a different thread & part reason why I no longer am in contact with her.

PLEASE op, find a way around this. It will destroy you. The day before my SF left (and I didn't know he was leaving at the time) he was so different to the man I knew (I was 16, he took me & my sister on when I was 7). He lost that lift in his step, the carefree attitude. He looked utterly destroyed. In hindsight, he should have left before that, but she also should have had more respect than to fornicate with another man under the roof she shared with her dh.

I would not allow it under any circumstances & would rather have myself & my children sleeping in my car than live in that situation.

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2011 03:40

To all those saying get a solicitor, it's illegal etc.

My SF went to see his solicitor about it, not long after it happened. They were joint names on the lease, so she could invite into her house who she liked & taht person could stay over, with her consent. The solicitor actually said that she did the right thing by making a separate room for the two of them (rather than kick my SF out of the marital bedroom etc), as not only would the court see they (mum & her BF) were a couple, but it would strengthen things if SHE decided to evict my stepdad...not really sure how, I wasn't there & was 15/16 at the time. This is just what he related to me. This was over 20yrs ago, so may have changed.

But yeah, she had him royally fucked, tbh! Not a road that the OP should go down.

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2011 03:47

What I mean is, as long as he was invited to visit & stay over, he wasn't unwelcome. It didn't seem to matter that his presence was destroying my SF.

Both of them behaved remarkable well, all considered. At weekends, she & J (her bf) had the house one weekend, SF the other. SF left the house earlier than J, so J stayed in 'his' room until SF had gone. J home later than SF, so SF went to his room before he got home. J & mum stayed out a lot, come to think of it. J had a room at some hostel they used to go to. This agreement was worked out by the men, btw!

Both men made sure they didn't cross paths, despite my mother trying to engineer it so they did. In the end, J cut back the time he spent in the house, until SF left for good. He moved in properly, that same night. Into the marital bedroom etc.

God, how that didn't properly screw me up, I don't know!

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2011 03:51

Actually, it probably did...but I was already fighting for her affection as much as I could & this really just proved to me that she didn't give a crap about what I needed/wanted as a teen. She always put herself first.

Being crude, here OP but I don't know what was worse, listening to my stepfather cry, or listening to her & J having sex.

I would leave if you have no alternative, although I understand you saying it is your kids home etc...but believe me, it is no kind of a home really, not like that.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 04/07/2011 08:03

that is horrible, DNFT

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2011 08:18

Yes, thefarside it was...but I had kinda forgotten all about it till I read the OP. I didn't mean to post so many messages, but stuff just kept coming to me.

I hope OP is OK.