John Porter & Gizzy to the rescue! Oh, how I'd love to see my in-laws faces
Oh yes indeed. I can picture the scene now. A bit of a commotion outside has Mrs Outlaw twitching anxiously at the lace curtain in her front parlour and peering outside.
''Mr Outlaw, dear, come quick!! There?s a big horse trampling all over the lawn and chewing up your prize hostas!"
''Are you sure, dear?'' comes an indifferent voice from behind a paper in an armchair.
Just then there is an almighty clangour as someone leans on a doorbell that normally plays Edelweiss, turning the twee chimes into something more like a track from a not yet recorded Muse album.
MrsLN is confined to the kitchen up to the elbows in soapy water but she is still told to 'get that, will you'
All right, all right, keep your hair on, she mutters crossly as she stalks to the door.
??Wot??, she growls, head lowered aggressively like an angry bull as she flings it open.
Slowly her eyes register a large pair of extremely stompy boots planted on Mrs Outlaw?s Home Sweet Home doormat. Travelling slowly and incredulously upward, they encounter a pair of extremely well fitting black leather kecks, multiple belts and ironmongery slung round a slim waist, sinisterly large broadsword much in evidence, and a broad chest slathered with more leather and metal . Oh, yes, and the gloves. They are there too..
?You! Horse! Now!? growls a rough voice and she looks up at last to find herself gazing into the blazing blue eyes of Sir Guy of Gisborne.
Gulp, she answers intelligently, for suddenly all the starch has disappeared from her knees and backbone and she is finding it impossible to breathe..
Snorting with impatience at the delay in carrying out his arrogant order in the way he thinks he is entitled to become accustomed, he picks her up and slings her over his shoulder.
?You in there,? he yells, ??I?m abducting your DIL, so I can have my wicked way with her. Just so you know??
Oh, good, thinks MrsLN, as she is slung over Richie?s long-suffering withers I rather hoped you might,
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John Porter climbs slowly out of his 4 x 4 and stares glumly after the cloud of dust and the hearty hi-ho Richie. He should have known better than to take the route that crossed the main railway line for he had been delayed for ten whole minutes at the gates. Just you wait, Gisborne, he thinks. I?ll get there first next time. And you don?t have a great big Heckler and Koch, either.