DS was in a coma for 8 weeks at 13 AMA

[GreySharks]

When DS was 13 he was knocked off his bike on Boxing Day and suffered a really severe brain injury. He was in a coma for 8 weeks. It was touch and go at one point and we genuinely didnt know if he was going to survive.

He’s come a long way but he’s still in a wheelchair most of the time. He can walk whilst holding onto something/someone but gets tired very quickly. He has problems using one of his hands properly and has had quite a few operations over the years. He works so hard at physio, sometimes harder than I think I could manage myself.

Hes one of 6 children so it was really difficult also trying to be their mum. Christmas has never quite felt the same if I’m honest. At the time I was just trying to get through each day and keep things going for the other children as well.

He’s got his own life now and I am so proud of him, although I still worry more than I probably should.

I know people might have questions about the coma, the hospital, his recovery or how we coped as a family so thought I’d do an AMA. It feels easier to talk about now i’m not “in it” daily

How are you?

I can’t imagine how traumatic that time was and how much you’ve all been through since.

It sounds like your son has done incredibly to recover as well as he has.

How old is he now?

@bunnypennyIm okay thank you!

@WoahbodyforrrrmHe’s 22, almost 23 so this year will be 10 years since. He has worked so hard and he continues to, i’m incredibly proud of him. It was extremely hard especially when he was in the coma and then still at hospital as I had 5 children at home but also wanted to be with DS, I think i spent most of the time in survival mode just trying to get through the day

That must have been incredibly traumatic for all of you. Did he manage to avoid significant cognitive/personality impact, or did he have to adjust to that as well? He sounds like a very determined young man.

Did the person who knocked him off his bike stop?

His memory isnt great, especially when hes tired. You can tell him something and the next day he will say nobody told him, or he doesnt remember being told. It can be frustrating for everyone sometimes but we have learnt that if hes tired it’s much worse.

He does get frustrated himself too, especially if someone assumes he cant do something and just tries to do it for him. He hates that. He wants to do as much as he can himself and if hes genuinely struggling he will ask for help eventually, although sometimes you have to wait a while for him to admit he needs it!

Its hard to say with some things whether its down to the accident or just him growing up and becoming an adult. Hes always had a sense of humour and hes always been very stubborn, even before it happened so I wouldnt say every bit of his personality is different. Hes still very much himself in lots of ways.

@GreySharks that must have been a horrible experience for all of you. How are you doing now?
Sending the biggest of Mumsnet hugs to you all x

Yes he did stop, thankfully. He called an ambulance and stayed until they arrived.

Thankyou thats really kind of you x

I think im doing ok now, at the time I was just in survival mode really and had the other children to think about as well. I dont think you realise how much its affected you until things start to settle down.

I still worry about him more than I do the others if im honest, probably always will. But hes doing well in his own way and we have all learnt to live with things being different. Some days are harder than others but life does go on x

@GreySharks i think you go into survival mode during the crisis.....hugs x

Thank you, I think I also spent alot of time actually “in it” and in survival mode and having to do almost everything for him that now he has more independence I feel somewhat lost if that makes sense x

Did you as a family get much support both at the time and now?

It sounds awful for all of you.

We had a lot of support from the hospital staff at the time, especially when he was in intensive care, but once we got home it was a different story really. There was physio and appointments obviously but a lot of the day to day stuff fell on us as a family.

The other children did have some support through school, which did help, especially as they were all dealing with things in their own way and we couldnt always give them as much attention as we wanted to.

Family helped where they could but everyone had their own lives too. Now theres support for him with his needs but not so much for us as a family if that makes sense. People see how far hes come and think everything must be ok now, but theres still a lot to manage. We just get on with it really x

What happened re his schooling ?

This will sound accusatory when I absolutely don’t mean for it to, but was he wearing a bike helmet?

I don’t have any questions but want to thank you for an interesting thread. I’m so sorry you and your family went through this awful time, and I’m pleased to hear your son is doing so well. 💐

I am very sorry for your experience.

Were you given mental health support at the time?

Was anything offered to your other children?

Do you believe that it has had an effect on them?

Gosh, how awful for you all. How are his siblings? Must be so hard to be a child when a sibling is really unwell.

When he was in the coma did you think he could hear you? What kinds of things did you do with him eg. Chatting, music etc. Did his friends visit him? Does he live at home with you now or in a care facility?

Sorry, more questions... Was there any gradual progress in those 8 weeks or did he just suddenly wake up one day unexpectedly?

We were told to talk to him as much as possible so I just talked to him about anything really, what his brothers and sisters had been doing, what was happening at home, silly little everyday things. I didnt know how much he could actually hear or take in but I wanted him to hear familiar voices. I just sat and held his hand and talked to him about anything that came to mind really .

His friends did come and see him but not until he was out of ICU and back on the ward and was more awake and able to talk a bit. They were only children themselves so it depended on their parents being able to bring them in as well.

He didnt just suddenly wake up one day and be back to normal. There were changes over time but it was very gradual. When he first started coming round he was still really drowsy and out of it for quite a while. Even when his eyes were open and he seemed awake it took a lot of time before he could properly communicate with us, and some days he was much more with it than others. It was a long process.

He lives at home with us now, he doesnt live in a care facility. He needs help with some things but we try to let him do as much as he can for himself. x

My youngest was only 3 so doesnt really remember much of it. My DD who was 14 (only 12 and a half months between her and DS) struggled more if im honest.

She was constantly being asked by teachers how he was, his friends would ask her and people in his year would ask her about him too. I think it was a lot for her to deal with when she was trying to get on with being a teenager herself. She did play up a bit and did say at one point that everything revolved around DS, and she wasnt wrong really but it was unavoidable especially when he was in hospital and we were just trying to get him through it, but I can understand how she felt pushed aside.

Shes absolutely fine now and graduated uni last year. We have talked about it since and I think she understands why things were the way they were, but I do feel for her looking back because she was only a kid herself really

Gosh what an awful experience, thank you for sharing.

Was DS able to continue with education in any form after his accident? Does he/will he be able to work?

I'm so glad that he's ok now.

My son spent time in a coma 2 years ago after complications due to an illness. He was touch and go as a result and is also in a wheelchair now, though full time.

Do you wonder how on earth you managed to get through it? Especially the early days when things were touch and go? I look back now even just 2 years later and don't know how I got through those awful early days.

How is your son doing mentally? I always worry about that with my son when he's older, he's 10 now.

I wasnt really offered much mental health support myself at the time, everything was very much focused on getting DS through it and then his recovery. I think I was just in survival mode for a long time and didnt really stop to think about how I was coping.

The other children did have some support through school. The secondary school were much better with it than the primary school if im honest, they were more understanding and checked in with them rather than just expecting them to carry on as normal.

My youngest was 4 so doesnt really remember it properly, but one of the hardest things was when the younger ones would ask if their brother was going to die. In those first days and weeks he was on all sorts of machines and we honestly didnt know what was going to happen, so trying to answer that when you didnt know yourself was awful.

I do think its affected them all in different ways. My DD definitely struggled at the time and I think the others did too, even if they didnt always show it. Theyre older now and things are much more settled, but I wouldnt say something like that just has no effect on a family