Thankyou x I do look back sometimes and wonder how on earth we got through those first few weeks. At the time youre just doing what you have to do arent you, you dont really have time to process any of it because youre just trying to get through the next day and hoping things will be ok. I dont think I really took in how bad things were until later.
Mentally hes doing ok now thankfully, although its been a journey. Hes never been someone who talks about his feelings despite us encouraging him to, and when he was in hospital they offered him support but he didnt want it. They even offered someone to just sit with him and play a board game or Uno and gently talk things through that way, rather than it being proper therapy, but he said no.
When he was on a ward and able to talk, a lot of his feelings seemed to come out as anger. He would tell me to go away sometimes and I usually just went to the shop or cafe for a bit and then went back. It was hard to know what was due to everything hed been through, and what was just him being a teenage boy as well if im honest.
Then when we were home he was also really self conscious about being in a wheelchair. At first he couldnt manage a self propelled one properly because of his hand, so someone had to push him everywhere and he absolutely hated that. Hes got a powerchair now which has made such a difference because he can get around much more independently.
I think lockdown was probably one of the hardest periods mentally. He was 16 and became really withdrawn, but if we asked if he was ok he would insist he was fine and get snappy if we suggested otherwise. Physio stopped as well and he didnt want to do much at home. We had limited space and it was hectic with his siblings around too, so it was difficult.
His friends had gradually drifted away by then. They were all doing things he couldnt do and I think he felt very left behind. They were celebrating each others 16th birthdays and posting things on social media, but DS wasnt being invited. When he asked in their group chat if they wanted to do anything for his birthday, he was ignored by most of them and one eventually said they were too busy revising for GCSEs. His birthday is in November, and they had still managed to do things for other birthdays and Halloween. He pretended he didnt care but I felt awful for him. I think by the time lockdown came along a few months later, all of that was weighing on him too.
He didnt agree to therapy until he was 18, and he did it online because he found that easier than talking to someone face to face. Im not sure it helped a huge amount. He struggled to put his feelings into words and when the therapist asked him to explain things more, he found that difficult. He gave it about six months and then decided to stop.
Hes in a much better place now though, and being able to walk with support is a fairly recent thing which has really helped his confidence. He had an operation on his hand/wrist last year because of the weakness and tightness in the muscles, but unfortunately it didnt make a huge difference. He was offered another operation but has decided against it for now because theres no guarantee it would help long term, and the tightness can return. I think he gets frustrated because he feels like hes not doing enough even when hes working really hard, and I dont want him going through another operation if he feels the possible benefits arent worth it. Hes happy at the moment and thats what matters most.
I hope your son is doing ok too. Ten is still so young to have been through all of that. I think the hardest thing as a parent is knowing you cant make it all better for them, you can only be there and hope they find their own way through it. Sending hugs to you both x
Sorry this is a long one!