I home educate - AMA

[MyFavouriteMugHasCatsOn]

I home educate DD1 who would be in y1 if she was in school. She's never been to school but attended preschool part time and hated it. I also have DD2 age 2 at home with me full time. I am a SAHM and have been since DD1 was born, while DH works full time to support us.

AMA!

I'm not an expert, but I'm also pretty knowledgeable about HE as a whole so if you have any questions about home ed more generally, please go wild!

(I'm starting this thread after having seen quite a few threads lately suggesting HE is tantamount to neglect so I'm braced for judgement! I'm hoping some people might read this and see it's valid and the right choice for some families. It's right for my family but that doesn't mean I think you're wrong if you have chosen to send your children to school.)

Tutors for anything I can't teach! But I used to tutor GCSE English, maths and French so I think I'll be able to turn my hand to the bulk of them. If she does music/art/PE/languages apart from French we'll definitely have tutors.

My FIL who we are very low contact with thinks this is what we do and asked DH what she did at break times the last time they spoke 😂 I think he had visions of me sending her into the garden as if it was a playground and her standing sadly by herself because she was the only child out there...

For you, what is the purpose of school?

Does your daughter prefer fact or fiction books? Do you choose the books or her? Does she actually understand what’s she’s reading or is it more reading the words she enjoys?

What’s your least favourite thing about home educating?

Did you plan to go back after maternity leave or was staying at home always the plan?

Is your younger child neurotypical? Do you think she’ll benefit from home education in the same way?

How do you feel you are setting them up to live in a world that won’t cater to them? I ask this as I do think there can be value in the bad bits of school, the difficult classmates, the boring bits, the ‘filler’ bits, following rules etc. Do you try to build this into life in any way? I think this might read more bluntly than I intend but not sure how else to ask.

The purpose of schools is mostly childcare IMO. Some of the threads on here (and my own time working in schools) shows me that not very much learning takes place a lot of the time.

My daughter adores fiction and non-fiction and has good reading comprehension across the board (her reading age in terms of decoding is into the teens, but her reading skills in terms of decoding are somewhere around y3-6 depending on the text I think, based on reading comprehension activities we have done together). She chooses all her own books, but I choose books to read to her so she gets a balance.

Least fave thing about home ed is the responsibility and the amount I second guess myself. It's like parenting in general but on a larger scale. For example, she recently found her swimming lesson quite stressful and dithering about whether to push her to keep it up or let her drop it was both a home ed decision and a parenting decision and I don't always know the best path.

I planned to go back to work when DD started school (DH's work is very flexible so I anticipated him doing school runs etc).

DD2 is very likely autistic too, although her social skills are much better than her sister's, probably because a) she wasn't born during COVID and b) she's always had another child around in her big sis! DD2 is already benefitting from DD1's home ed - for example, she knows a huge amount about history. We borrowed a book about monarchs from the library and she pointed to a picture of a queen on the front cover and asked if it was Queen Victoria. She can recognise Vikings and planets and can tell the difference between mammals/reptiles/fish/invertebrates. She only turned 2 last week! I suspect she will thrive in home ed but I'm very open to her going to school if I feel it'd be the best option for her at any point.

As they get older I anticipate them doing more activities with children who go to school, such as cadets/guides/having a part time job etc. They do get to experience adversity/difficult characters in their home ed life, but what they don't experience is bullying/unmitigated boredom etc. This is a pro as well as a con in my book.

Well it’s a good thing that ‘childcare’ is in place as those working mums are contributing toward your future pension while paying your NI!

@AgeingMillennial I'm sure there are far more controversial ways taxpayers money is being spent than NI contributions towards state pensions for SAHM home educating their children.

@MyFavouriteMugHasCatsOn sounds like you're doing a wonderful job providing an education for both of your daughters

I'm grateful that schools exist for people who want to use them. I don't think many people are choosing to work so they can pay tax and I'm grateful taxes exist and that my DH pays them.

I think people's value is not limited to their ability to pay tax...

I don't actually think state pension is likely to exist by the time I am state pension age.

As mentioned up thread, I'm saving the state the £5000+ per year schools get for each child, plus the FSM money for the years they'll be eligible, and my DD would also receive extra funding for her SEN so would likely receive an additional £6000 a year or more of taxpayer money. So I think I might actually be saving the taxpayer money rather than costing them...

Thank you so much!

I think you're absolutely wrong about this, sorry.

Nature walks, if done with purpose, are endless learning opportunities. Took my 15yo on one yesterday in preparation for GCSE Geography. Things were named, new terminology was used, discussions were had about urban development, graveyards, local history, human behaviour and career options, among other things. She came home and did 2 hours of independent study.

Q for the OP - do you ever wish there were like-minded parents in your area you could team up with for eg PE, sport? That would be my biggest and probably only concern.

But what if everyone did it? I do roll my eyes at the exceptionalism, and would like to know if OP claims benefits? I assume she doesn’t but her household finances haven’t been addressed. This is a pertinent point.

You don't have to teach anything yourself, I imagine most parents wouldn't try to teach GCSEs purely themselves.
Mine are doing a mix of GCSEs, iGCSEs, level 2 qualifications, arts awards and through a mix of tutors, classes, online courses and pre-16 college.

@AgeingMillennialno sorry you're coming at this from a strange perspective.

If more people homeschooled, there'd be less overcrowding in schools, schools would be nicer places to be, teachers would be able to do a better job, be less likely to retire from stress and who knows, perhaps even enjoy going to work?

Local authorities would save £££££ on specialist care, hone tutors and hospital schools for children traumatised by inadequate mainstream provision and by the "difficult people" they are forced to spend time cooped up with.

The UK is in such a mess and the government is doing such a terrible job of education that parents are having to take over.

Would be interesting to add up just how much money the government is wasting on its useless and damaging education/Personal Development propaganda lessons, compared to the pittances paid to homeschooling benefits claimants who are not only doing the government's job for it, but also saving it thousands in NHS costs by fixing their children's mental health.

That’s fine. You seem to think every home ed parent would do exactly what you would do, but that just isn’t the case. The ‘nature walks’ I see just seem to repeat the same old things, none of it particularly sophisticated.

We’ve just had the best maths and science results from our young people putting them ahead of comparable European countries.

Schools are as they ever were, is the profile of the children arriving that has changed.

The country cannot afford to pay 10% of parents some kind of teacher wage to home educate their kids. They shouldn’t even get a ‘pittance’ frankly (not that benefits are a pittance).

I have to disagree that the purpose of school is not childcare. I think you should at least understand the purpose of school before choosing to opt out of it. What about Independence, shared values, knowledge, community, resilience, opportunity, critical thinking, cooperation? What is your experience in schools? Being on placement for your PGCE? The education system is not perfect and needs reform but it’s reductionist to say it’s just childcare.

Thanks for sharing some examples and answering my other questions.

Bullying is of course awful and I wish no child would experience it. It does seem extreme though to avoid school to avoid bullying that might never happen? Were you bullied at school? Is it a particular concern for that reason?

I think boredom can have its place in life and is not necessarily a bad thing to experience from time to time. Parts of life and certain tasks can be boring but we still have to do them. Occasional boredom can also encourage self reliance, tolerance, appreciation and creativity.

What’s your opinion on unschooling?

I find it interesting that people are up in arms about you not paying taxes.

From https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/school-funding-statistics/2025-26

Apparently it's over 8 grand a year per pupil to educate in state schools (average over ages 5-16).

If you're on £25k a year you pay about £2.5k income tax and £1k NI. Pretty common salary on MN especially for mums trying to get school hours jobs etc.

Around £40-45k you just about pay enough total tax to make up for one child's educational costs. Let's not even go into having multiple, or SEN, etc...

Fair enough if one thinks that the social value of women being in the workplace etc is worth paying for, or you think the education or social skills learnt in schools is superior, but the maths doesn't really add up for average families from a purely tax-take point of view.

@AgeingMillennialYou don't know what you're talking about, benefits-wise, and aren't giving us the facts to back up your assertions.

Now would be a great opportunity for you to illustrate to the feckless scrounging home-ed community the excellent mathematical and scientific evidence-based learning that you allege is widely available to British children.

But probably a better use of your time to find another benefits-bashing thread.

I suspect the Op is part of a highly educated/high achieving couple and that her husband is a high earner paying a lot of tax. I doubt very much they claim benefits and I’ll be surprised if they do - not that it’s any of our business whatsoever.

If everyone did it the government wouldn't be spending billions on education every year.

Also when yout child is ND forcing them to ‘cope’ makes things a lot worse

But they can’t and they wont. Everyone is different with different skills and different needs.

3rd generation of home education and love every minute. 7 kids youngest 3 under 5. My parents got me and my siblings to GCSE level and we all did the exam last year at school itself and from there one of us chose college and myself and another went to uni. Now adults with own families, businesses etc so I don't think a bad job was done lol. Our oldest is doing exams this term and plans on college

Thanks! How do you keep track of what youre learning and where you want to get to? Do you have rough yearly aims? Do you have a nice home ed community? :)

I think so op