AMA: Married to a husband with ASPD

[Goldfinch03]

I've been married to my DH who has an ASPD diagnosis for over 10 years. Ask anything if interested.

A bit defensive maybe?

I don’t think he would be ‘waiting’ specifically, but I do think it’s odd that he has been diagnosed with a condition which he seems to have only shown very mildly over the past 12 years. That to me indicates he is a good masker, some people can do it for decades before it slips, or, perhaps his diagnosis wasn’t accurate.

Im not trying to have a go but you have posted AMA about your DH having a condition but when asked it’s a ‘most people wouldn’t notice’ situation, so what is there even to ask/answer?

Fair enough.
I thought that I had answered the questions as asked but maybe I hadn't. I can't comment much on things that happened before we met.

What's he like with you?
And how does he scare you?

He doesn't mask at home (at least most of the time), so be often seems a bit flat or emotionless. I prefer it over constant masking though.
He is terrifying when angry. He doesn't scream or shout but you can see the anger boiling away. He becomes very destructive then and will do anything to get his revenge. It's sometimes even for pretty stupid reasons.

He sounds dreadful. Why don’t you split up?

Are you not afraid that might turn on you or your kids (do you have them?)?

Do you feel it’s accurate as a diagnosis or was this childhood trauma that hasn’t been treated? Has he ever had therapy?

Do you ever wonder whether the diagnosis is genuinely accurate?

Do you think you're at increased risk of being murdered by him than we are by our male partners without ASPD?

Do you worry he could harm any kids you have as well?

Do you have or will have children?

Can you tell us about a time he took petty revenge and what he did?

Can you answer the question that’s been repeatedly asked about whether you have children living with this awful man ? Or does the silence mean that indeed there are children living on eggshells?

Do you have any mental health diagnoses yourself OP?

Please tell us you haven't willingly taken kids into this relationship OP

I feel sad and frightened for you OP. This sounds like my idea of hell, being married to someone with such sinister features in their personality, and a significant history with the criminal justice system.

We don't have children and we will not have any. It's a decision that we made knowing that we wouldn't be suitable parents. We have pets though.
He has had therapy and still attends sessions but not that regularly.
Yes I have a mental health diagnosis too.
I don't think that the diagnosis was inaccurate. He has found ways to live a normal life and not offend. I couldnt live a life where I'd have to fear every knock on the door.
And no I'm not worried that I'm at any danger with him.

I'd really avoid becoming a burden to him. It isn't about him losing his temper so much as realising that his life would be easier if you just disappeared.

He repeatedly fabricated evidence against someone in work to get them fired.

Just wanted to say well done for making the decision not to have children knowing you wouldn't be suitable parents. This is a reality that seems to escape many others unfortunately

This is vile. How can you be with someone like this?

Why on earth did you marry him

Is this a wind up ?

Did it work, or did they find out what he was doing and fire him instead? I really hope it's the latter.

Has he got any good points, because he sounds absolutely awful?

Why do you have pets with someone who scares you and has no compassion or empathy?
How do you justify that to yourself?

Were you very disappointed when she said she didn’t have kids so you couldn’t trot this out in the way you hoped? 😵‍💫