I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

Probably a bloke in a skirt typing one handed.

Did you miss that OP said that a ‘consequence’ (punishment) of her not doing what he wants is her being ‘told off’, ‘sent to bed’ or not getting what she wants?

There you go again with your self-protecting and very juvenile delusions. You’re an adult, OP, whether you like it or not. You have children, some of them approaching adulthood. Your failure to engage with the world is incredibly harmful to them. You’re teaching them that the world is a scary place, and that adulthood is optional if you can find a sufficiently screwed-up man to ‘protect’ you from it. Grow up. It doesn’t matter whether or not it feels ‘unsafe’. You need to be an actual parent, which means being an actual adult.

No, I think that would focus more on getting ‘sent to bed’ and ‘punish ent’. I think is a deluded and very damaged woman.

Given you have given up your ability to think for yourself is that what your husband has told you to say?

Do you think it’s creepy that your husband is attracted to a childlike woman?

This isn't you being a submissive wife, this is you and him role-playing being a parent and child

I agree with this, and that infantilisation of a partner is why I think relationships like this are a massive red flag. I find it very concerning that an adult man would be happy in a marriage where he is effectively parenting his wife.

Cross posted but that's my take as well, and it's not surprising that he found a vulnerable woman with daughters.

Agree!

It's not the model of marriages 70 years ago.

I know women who have been married for 70 years.

They would not accept punishments for daring to speak their minds or not obey their husbands.

They might like to be a SAHM - their choice or the result of lack of education for some.

They may have been less educated so they did defer in some financial matters to their husbands.

But they would not be prepared to put up with a bully.

Too many women did that when divorce was a scandal to be avoided at all costs.
Thank goodness the world has changed.

You were far more articulate in expressing what I was thinking! So many awful red flags here.

When it comes to children learning unhealthy relationship dynamics from a parent who sticks their fingers in their ears and is actively avoiding any adult responsibilities then harsh is what is needed

Before I ask a question op, I just want to reassure you there's no judgement from me.

Other things maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed

Can you expand on this?
Do you mean he punishes you like you would a naughty child?

Does he tell you what you need to do on any given day and expect you to follow orders?

It sounds like that you have been holding the fort for many years, making decisions, running a family and you are tired of that and have let your new husband take over for a bit. There's not a problem with that as long as you could pick up the reins again if something happened to him and there is no coercion or control. If you are discussing things together and he generally tries to do his best to make the best decision then that's fine. Just keep checking to see if you are both fine with it every now and again. Adjust if you need to.

Peachesx2606 Have you ever considered that you might have ADHD

Did you miss that OP said that a ‘consequence’ (punishment) of her not doing what he wants is her being ‘told off’, ‘sent to bed’ or not getting what she wants?

That wasn't apparent when I posted.

Would you agree that he infantilizes you? Do you think you are reluctant to accept the responsibilities and stress of adulthood and all the decision-making, and that's why you prefer for him to control you? What was your childhood like?

Not sure if it’s been asked but what happens if he’s unwell and/or got into an accident and you had to take control in his absence?? It’s a concern that you have so little say over your life and willingly do so, it’s surely not making you very resilient if anything deviates from the norm?

So agree with all of this! My grandmothers generation of course had different social expectations on them when it came to work and family but as part of a partnership they were equal and the thought of them being told to go to bed a certain time is almost laughable!! I’m not even sure that happened in the Middle Ages!

Looking at my parents’ marriage I would also agree it was not at all like the possibly controlling ones of 50-70 years ago referenced by a previous poster.
like many MC women at that time, (1950s/60s) my mother did not work at all after marriage and ny father was always the breadwinner. However she definitely had her own life and most definitely her own opinions! They were partners and she was not submissive in any way.
The only major decision left to my petrolhead DF was what car to buy next — she wasn’t interested at all and he chose good quality family saloons anyway. Neither was he so invested in them that he was in any way phased about the actual car when she wrote one off! (We were all ok.)

I have a family member who was in a traditional marriage. It seemed to work for them, each playing to their strengths etc but when he left after a decades long marriage it was very hard for her because she wasn’t used to living in the modern world and doing things for herself. She also wanted to be “looked after”.
She also found, as many of us do, that the man you divorce is not the man you married. I noticed upthread OP that you confidently said he would always see you ok financially and that is absolutely not the experience of women who divorce.

Are you the lady who prefers to sit on the floor and not a chair? Sorry there was once a thread like that( also a sub/dom relationship kind of thing) , where she sat on the floor all the time in the house .. I was just wondering it it's you

I noticed upthread OP that you confidently said he would always see you ok financially and that is absolutely not the experience of women who divorce

This. Men are nice to you when they like you. When they no longer like you they are looking after themselves. And many men convince themselves they no longer like their wives when they want to divorce. It makes it easier for them to screw their wives over in the divorce. And you already have a man whose psychology means he feels justified in punishing you when you displease him. The chances of this man not looking out for himself alone in a divorce would appear to be remote.

Also you seem to think your relationship dynamics will not influence your kids' future relationships. But you yourself have a difficult childhood and have gone on to have two unhealthy relationships.

I was trying to read this thread with an open mind but this has done my head in!
If you dont obey him over minor things you would expect "a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed."???
Its like you are his teenage child!

It might be very hard for you OP to have your marriage under scrutiny here.But I'd say everyone here is concerned for you.

I notice you've avoided answering questions about when you 'deserve' a punishment, what you have done or not done, and what the punishment is.

You also seem to believe your children (one of whom is now an adult living at home) do not appear to see/ here/ feel what's going on.

Is your H very devious about punishing you?
Does he do it in such a way that he tries to avoid the children knowing?

Do you cover up for him like perhaps saying 'I need an early night' rather than 'Your dad has punished me and sent me to bed'?

What does he punish you for and what punishments are they?

And do you secretly enjoy the 'thrill' of being dominated- or is it the price you pay for keeping the peace?