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AMA

Both my dc bought their own houses at 23 AMA

717 replies

joezoealfiecasperoli · 05/06/2026 21:48

I hear a lot about this generation not getting on the property ladder and it is a big problem. I was amazed when both dc finished uni, got jobs and bought houses within 2 years of graduating.
To avoid drip feed
Yes they are mortgaged
They both bought with partners

OP posts:
MrsM2025 · 07/06/2026 08:49

My DS and his girlfriend were both 21 when they bought - a 2 bed flat - yes we’re in the south east v v near London.
How?

  1. Girlfriend worked from 18 and is v good at saving
  2. Girlfriend lived at home (I don’t know if she paid some sort of rent)
  3. DS went to Uni - and studied a course that directly led to a specific job (where there were a lot of job opportunities at the time of graduation)
  4. DS’ job involved a lot of (v well paid) overtime opportunities

They still did plenty of going out / travelling - including a 2 month stint round Asia (which as many others have said is important and I agree)

Ironically, I said they shouldn’t buy as I thought they were too young / they hadn’t lived together before / they might have difficulty selling (there are soooo many 2 bed flats in this area - but theirs is a 2 min walk to a train station with a direct line into London)

They have just sold it (it took over a year!) 7 years

I think the key things here is that you really have to think about the job you do / course you do at Uni and try to work out how it will support you in the years after you graduate.

Oneanddonemum2025 · 07/06/2026 08:52

Differentforgirls · 06/06/2026 22:46

Well she has. She’s decided not to live in London or the SE which, I’ve learned from this thread, appear to be over crowded, over priced hell holes where children all leave home as teenagers and pay thousands to live in a house with strangers until they’re in their 40s.

Then scrape a mortgage together for a studio flat and take 30 years to pay it off, while going on forest walks, buying second hand clothes, having endless picnics and never doing a normal thing like having dinner out!

At the same time they laugh at and mock people who live in other parts of the country, are mortgage free in their 50s, let their children stay with them and save up for a deposit so they can by a house in their 20s and be mortgage free when the the people laughing at them have just managed to get one at 40!

Its madness.

Cant make sense of it.

There is a reason why London has the highest social mobility in the country. My Dh couldnt afford bus fare as a teenager and went to a school where they didnt teach maths or english (ultra orthodox jewish primary school) but he was able to cycle to a jewish secondary (mainstream one which is the top comp in the country). Today he would travel free on the bus.

When he got into a london university, he was able to live at home. Same during his gap year where he earned and saved 10k, he commuted to a college in notting hill where he worked. We married in our early 20s and i moved into his mum's house, we saved 60k in 3 years and bought our 2 bed flat in our 20s, dh has worked for an investment bank since 2017. It was just as well as that he worked for a bank as it was through the bank's private healthcare that we discovered he had functional neurological disorder probably caused from childhood neglect/trauma. It took probably 40k of medical expenses he claimed from the private healthcare system to find that out (and in his 30s), nhs didnt do anything for years. They misdiagnosed it as epilepsy and advised he shouldnt learn to drive.

I understand now why dh was so insistent we stay in zone 3 london with our 400k budget in 2019. I am an immigrant so all i have known is London but for him as someone who had no primary education, health issues he had to battle through, what he needed wasnt a house with garden. What he needed was basic scaffolding- public transport to places that could change his destiny, access to the best healthcare specialists in the country (unfortunately you get that through private healthcare). Due to the breakdown in the uk social contract, the only place that offers this is London because 70% of highly skilled jobs are in London and it is these jobs that offer you healthcare which you need if you grew up poor and suffered abuse, the after effects will be suffered for the rest of our lives.

Now we have a son, i am also grateful that we can send him to London's great primary schools. There is a c of e school that we can get to via bys where 56% of kids perform a higher level in english and maths (compared to 8% in the country)and where just attending church would get us in even as practising progressive Jews. And as a teen he can go to jewish school.

I dont think my husband could do what he did in the north. He probably would have been forced to emigrate or be stuck in mimimum wage jobs all his life as his condition means its not safe for him to drive. While in London he could buy within 3 years of graduation. We probably wouldnt move out of our 2 bed flat and are sticking to one child but healthcare and education and mobility is more important to us than square footage. If you are sick, being able to book a GP appointment and get seen in a hour, getting a specialist referral within a week is lifechanging. So many people are in my DH's position and its probably higher for poor people, they should stay in london if there is a chance they can get these benefits because the nhs is not going to help them. At leaat not on its own, they need nhs and private.

Differentforgirls · 07/06/2026 09:13

TheBlissfulSloth · 07/06/2026 08:16

If one more person bangs on about London and the SE ...

I know 😭

Differentforgirls · 07/06/2026 09:19

Oneanddonemum2025 · 07/06/2026 08:52

There is a reason why London has the highest social mobility in the country. My Dh couldnt afford bus fare as a teenager and went to a school where they didnt teach maths or english (ultra orthodox jewish primary school) but he was able to cycle to a jewish secondary (mainstream one which is the top comp in the country). Today he would travel free on the bus.

When he got into a london university, he was able to live at home. Same during his gap year where he earned and saved 10k, he commuted to a college in notting hill where he worked. We married in our early 20s and i moved into his mum's house, we saved 60k in 3 years and bought our 2 bed flat in our 20s, dh has worked for an investment bank since 2017. It was just as well as that he worked for a bank as it was through the bank's private healthcare that we discovered he had functional neurological disorder probably caused from childhood neglect/trauma. It took probably 40k of medical expenses he claimed from the private healthcare system to find that out (and in his 30s), nhs didnt do anything for years. They misdiagnosed it as epilepsy and advised he shouldnt learn to drive.

I understand now why dh was so insistent we stay in zone 3 london with our 400k budget in 2019. I am an immigrant so all i have known is London but for him as someone who had no primary education, health issues he had to battle through, what he needed wasnt a house with garden. What he needed was basic scaffolding- public transport to places that could change his destiny, access to the best healthcare specialists in the country (unfortunately you get that through private healthcare). Due to the breakdown in the uk social contract, the only place that offers this is London because 70% of highly skilled jobs are in London and it is these jobs that offer you healthcare which you need if you grew up poor and suffered abuse, the after effects will be suffered for the rest of our lives.

Now we have a son, i am also grateful that we can send him to London's great primary schools. There is a c of e school that we can get to via bys where 56% of kids perform a higher level in english and maths (compared to 8% in the country)and where just attending church would get us in even as practising progressive Jews. And as a teen he can go to jewish school.

I dont think my husband could do what he did in the north. He probably would have been forced to emigrate or be stuck in mimimum wage jobs all his life as his condition means its not safe for him to drive. While in London he could buy within 3 years of graduation. We probably wouldnt move out of our 2 bed flat and are sticking to one child but healthcare and education and mobility is more important to us than square footage. If you are sick, being able to book a GP appointment and get seen in a hour, getting a specialist referral within a week is lifechanging. So many people are in my DH's position and its probably higher for poor people, they should stay in london if there is a chance they can get these benefits because the nhs is not going to help them. At leaat not on its own, they need nhs and private.

Edited

I'm so sorry about your husband.

Sheepsmellnice · 07/06/2026 09:55

My daughter was 22 ( 4 days before she was 23 )when she got the keys to her first house. She bought it on her own without a partner. My son was 25 when he bought his first house also on his own.

babasaclover · 07/06/2026 10:05

Differentforgirls · 06/06/2026 21:40

What is it you don’t like about it? Genuinely curious?

Went through there once on a road diversion due to lorry being on fire. All broken down shops and a look of destitution.

Not to mention the grooming gangs. couldn’t live anywhere near that.

had to stop for daughter to use the toilet and everyone there were kids running wild in the carpark lots of high rise flats just looking sorry for itself.

FourCheese · 07/06/2026 10:16

Mt563 · 07/06/2026 06:14

The faux naivety of essentially saying my kids did it, I hear it's hard, I don't understand why, would you like my help.

When the answer is: live in the cheapest area of the country, be gifted min 12k by being able to live at home, and have a long term partner at 21.

I think everyone knows that would allow you to buy a home young. But very few people are able to be in they specific situation. So it's not really helpful.

It’s an AMA, not financial advice though

PeoplesNet · 07/06/2026 10:23

joezoealfiecasperoli · 05/06/2026 22:21

All lived at home I charged £200 for rent per month each. Their partners, 1 was charged £150 rent the other nothing.
No gifts for deposit We did give them £750 each for furniture.

And there it is!! £200 a month 'rent' (assume all bills included)! My god, there would be no issues with anyone saving for a house if they didn't have to pay £1000 a month in rent and bills. That's the problem - everyone is living pay cheque to pay cheque. Surely you realised before you posted, the real reason your children were able to save up so much money so quickly.

Bisconny · 07/06/2026 10:25

Differentforgirls · 06/06/2026 22:46

Well she has. She’s decided not to live in London or the SE which, I’ve learned from this thread, appear to be over crowded, over priced hell holes where children all leave home as teenagers and pay thousands to live in a house with strangers until they’re in their 40s.

Then scrape a mortgage together for a studio flat and take 30 years to pay it off, while going on forest walks, buying second hand clothes, having endless picnics and never doing a normal thing like having dinner out!

At the same time they laugh at and mock people who live in other parts of the country, are mortgage free in their 50s, let their children stay with them and save up for a deposit so they can by a house in their 20s and be mortgage free when the the people laughing at them have just managed to get one at 40!

Its madness.

Cant make sense of it.

The North South divide illustrated in one thread.

I can understand the resentment from those stuck in the SE by work earning more money but being poorer than those in the North.
What I can't understand is the objection to young people living at home for a while to save up.
Surely unless you are desperate financially you would want to help your child in any way you can and having them live at home free is a nice way to do it? Most of these young people have spent 3 or 4 years at uni living in grotty shared houses and managing on a budget so it's not like they need to be "taught a lesson" in how to be independant. In fact the reason they are saving up is to achieve independance.
If that then means they can buy a house in their mid 20s (as mine did) surely it's a good thing? It happens that they both chose careers where they could work where they wanted, they never wanted London because of the COL.

Good luck to your offspring OP and well done to them.

Waitingfordoggo · 07/06/2026 10:34

Awww, I clicked hoping to see some good tips. My DCs would only be able to afford a couple of beach huts at those prices, and as much as I love beach huts, they don’t have electricity or water and you’re not allowed to sleep in them overnight 😕

My DCs are welcome to continue living with us while they’re saving for deposits. Might take them till they’re 30-odd though. Of course I’ve made my DCs aware that property is MUCH cheaper in other parts of the country, but neither of them want to move- all their friends and family are here in the south east and I don’t think they’d cope with the cold up north 😉😂

hcee19 · 07/06/2026 10:35

My son bought his house on his own at 23yrs old. He was able to do it, because he lived with his grandad for two years and saved like mad. His girlfriend, now fiance was still at uni so she couldn't contribute. His granddad needed a bit of help in the home so it worked out well for both of them

Cowsontheloose · 07/06/2026 10:38

Lived in Barnsley most of my life. I lived in Sheffield for a bit when I met my husband then we both moved back to Barnsley. We live in a nice area, it's not all deprived and the town centre has all been regenerated and looks good. Just because you've seen it on TV or passed through, isn't a true reflection.
I wouldn't want to live in London as the price of housing is insane. People can choose to live where they want to

Whatwasyourpoint · 07/06/2026 10:53

4 privileged young people bought 2 cheap houses, heavily subsidised by mum and dad? It would be a pretty big failing if they couldn't afford to buy a house to be honest.

charliehungerford · 07/06/2026 11:02

Katypp · 06/06/2026 14:45

So you find somewhere you CAN afford as near to where you want and accept a longer commute. As it always has been.

My daughter’s commute is currently 30 mins on the fast train, two days a week in the office at around £18 a day. The further out you move the more expensive the commute is. I’m a 20 minute drive to a station, and an hour from there into Paddington. Return is £75 a day so for two days in the office it’ll cost £600 a month. The money saved on moving further out is negated by the train costs, if both her and her husband are doing the same commute that’s £1200 a month so £15k a year on travel. Season tickets are more difficult now with the irregular days people are required to be in the office.

Snakebite61 · 07/06/2026 11:06

joezoealfiecasperoli · 05/06/2026 21:48

I hear a lot about this generation not getting on the property ladder and it is a big problem. I was amazed when both dc finished uni, got jobs and bought houses within 2 years of graduating.
To avoid drip feed
Yes they are mortgaged
They both bought with partners

So what? Some people have a better start in life. You're just bragging.

Littlebundledueinsummer26 · 07/06/2026 11:59

IfWhippetsRuledTheWorld · 05/06/2026 22:27

Ignoring whether or not it's that unusual outside of the SE, I'm not sure it's a good thing necessarily. Your 20s are for travel and fun and expanding your career (which for careers with really decent progression often means moving around several times). Being tied to mortgage and partner at 23 is not a universally good thing.

What a load of rubbish

Their mortgage will likely be LESS than rent / service fees etc

Why cant they travel as well as living in their house?

I think very sensible, im time they can sell and move to a bigger property with equity theyve accumulated over the years

Differentforgirls · 07/06/2026 12:05

Snakebite61 · 07/06/2026 11:06

So what? Some people have a better start in life. You're just bragging.

And?

TheBlissfulSloth · 07/06/2026 12:19

4 privileged young people

How can you possibly describe them as privileged when they live in - pass the smelling salts, Petunia - the North!

They've probably got rickets and flat vowels.

Katypp · 07/06/2026 12:25

charliehungerford · 07/06/2026 11:02

My daughter’s commute is currently 30 mins on the fast train, two days a week in the office at around £18 a day. The further out you move the more expensive the commute is. I’m a 20 minute drive to a station, and an hour from there into Paddington. Return is £75 a day so for two days in the office it’ll cost £600 a month. The money saved on moving further out is negated by the train costs, if both her and her husband are doing the same commute that’s £1200 a month so £15k a year on travel. Season tickets are more difficult now with the irregular days people are required to be in the office.

Clearly the further out you live, the more expensive the commute.
All i am hearing on this thread is excuse after excuse and justifications why young people can't possibly get on the property ladder with a blind refusal to think outside the box. With a side helping on sneering at those unlucky enough to live in The North with its grim housing, poverty and feral children (my recent bus ride through Elephant&Castle was not that edifying but hey, it's London, so it must be better).
The bottom line is anyone with a sensible wage should be able to buy something. It probably won't be the 'nice house in the perfect area' but then it never was.
It is regional - no one could deny that - but mocking children who stay at home to enable them to save then complaining that their marvellously metropolitan offspring who spent a year travelling then rented in the city with their partner can't afford to save because houses are too expensive is unfair.

Wtaaaaf · 07/06/2026 12:26

I know a lot of people drowning in debt and living in shit holes because they're fundamentally too cowardly/unimaginative to consider life ourside London/Surrey/Sussex.

Katypp · 07/06/2026 12:28

TheBlissfulSloth · 07/06/2026 12:19

4 privileged young people

How can you possibly describe them as privileged when they live in - pass the smelling salts, Petunia - the North!

They've probably got rickets and flat vowels.

I know!
They can only dream of paying £1200 a month for a bedsit on a wage of £22k.

Kths · 07/06/2026 13:13

Differentforgirls · 06/06/2026 21:41

Were yours not?

My son left home to live with his partner at 19 just as Covid hit as he wanted to be with her in lock down

he came home for a year when he was 22 as they split up and he wanted to save (I charged minimal rent the same as I did when he started work at 19)

he moved out with new partner in to private rent which I didn’t want him to do simply because the rent was £1450 a month he did this for 2 years but struggled the 9 months she went home to her parents

he was fortunate enough to be left his dads life insurance which enabled him a decent deposit on his flat, he will always have a home with me but he wanted independence and I get that

I left home at 16 with the clothes on my back and life was hard, I’m still renting at 44 but it’s cheap enough though I haven’t ruled out buying but I don’t have the deposit (I have the credit score and earnings)

im an example of someone who didn’t have the parental support of a place to live or help with a deposit and that’s ok , its just realizing if you can offer your kids that or had that opportunity that it is a lovely privilege but not everyone gets that

Kths · 07/06/2026 13:15

Differentforgirls · 06/06/2026 22:28

Why do you all live in an area where you can’t afford to do a normal thing like by a house?

What a dumb question

people tend to live where the jobs are or where they have friends and family or kids in school where they have roots

I was born and raised in the south, I will stay in the south as my son and grandson are here and my job which I worked hard to qualify in so have no desire to move north to simply have a cheaper rent or chance of a mortgage

plus if everyone moved north the prices would rise to match the south

you are not all that bright are you

charliehungerford · 07/06/2026 13:16

Katypp · 07/06/2026 12:25

Clearly the further out you live, the more expensive the commute.
All i am hearing on this thread is excuse after excuse and justifications why young people can't possibly get on the property ladder with a blind refusal to think outside the box. With a side helping on sneering at those unlucky enough to live in The North with its grim housing, poverty and feral children (my recent bus ride through Elephant&Castle was not that edifying but hey, it's London, so it must be better).
The bottom line is anyone with a sensible wage should be able to buy something. It probably won't be the 'nice house in the perfect area' but then it never was.
It is regional - no one could deny that - but mocking children who stay at home to enable them to save then complaining that their marvellously metropolitan offspring who spent a year travelling then rented in the city with their partner can't afford to save because houses are too expensive is unfair.

I’m not mocking anyone. All I’m saying is telling people to move further out from the south east to a location where property is cheaper isn’t really the solution. The commuting costs and often unreliable trains negate the benefit of a cheaper property. I left London years ago and don’t have any particular desire to return. London has some fantastic opportunities but it’s not the be all and end all. But young people who were born there, have all their friends there and jobs that are sometimes quite London centric, don’t want to move to Yorkshire. My kids didn’t ‘go travelling ‘ and one of them works in a local pub a couple of nights a week on top of the full time day job, so they can save that extra income.

A two bed flat in Elephant and Castle is around £500k today. That’s a lot of deposit and stamp duty to save, you’d need over £70k to purchase it, especially when the cost to rent a 2 bed flat in the area is £2,600 a month!

Stirabout · 07/06/2026 13:17

Kths · 07/06/2026 13:13

My son left home to live with his partner at 19 just as Covid hit as he wanted to be with her in lock down

he came home for a year when he was 22 as they split up and he wanted to save (I charged minimal rent the same as I did when he started work at 19)

he moved out with new partner in to private rent which I didn’t want him to do simply because the rent was £1450 a month he did this for 2 years but struggled the 9 months she went home to her parents

he was fortunate enough to be left his dads life insurance which enabled him a decent deposit on his flat, he will always have a home with me but he wanted independence and I get that

I left home at 16 with the clothes on my back and life was hard, I’m still renting at 44 but it’s cheap enough though I haven’t ruled out buying but I don’t have the deposit (I have the credit score and earnings)

im an example of someone who didn’t have the parental support of a place to live or help with a deposit and that’s ok , its just realizing if you can offer your kids that or had that opportunity that it is a lovely privilege but not everyone gets that

I know it’s a side issue but I’m just curious
Did your ds girlfriend go home for 9 months then return to the flat and not pay any rent in between ?

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