I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

There are other things I could do, I agree, however I don't think there is anything else I could that would earn the same that I could fit in around a fulltime job. That's why I choose to do this instead of getting an evening or weekend job. It's more money for less hours.

I don't agree that I have no self respect I think I just view sex differently to others. It's not a big deal to me whether that's because of abuse I suffered or just the way I am I don't know. I don't feel like I'm damaged. I'm not depressed, or anxious. I'm quite happy with my life the way it is.

The question is how many actually want to do that? And it's not just about individuals who are happy, it's about creating a larger demand which tends to get satisfied by trafficked women or women in financial difficulty.

is that because they dont advertise with various govt departments etc ?

No, it's because being forced to sell sex to get off benefits would be state-enforced rape.

Would you be in favour of such, if in your opinion, sex work is merely work, like any other?

fair points on that point

I would hypothesise that this is partly a consequence of the shaming and marginalisation of sex work. People who feel worthless gravitate to sectors that aren’t valued.

Maybe if we valued sex work more, so many abused people wouldn’t fall into it. Maybe if people respected sex workers more, they would be able to build self respect and grow out of it.

I don’t think that’s the whole picture. But I think it’s part of it. You can’t just ignore that it’s very accessible work from many perspectives. So people who lack privilege (who are more likely to have suffered abuse) are going to be over represented. All women could help here. And it would cost nothing but a little consideration.

Just to clarify, the last sentence probably shouldn't have been part of my reply to you, as it was intended more as a general comment towards the tone of some people's posts, and it wasn't really you I was referring to.

Re the part before that, you've commented several times re OP having other options and I'm just wondering why you consider that to be of any relevance.

if i can have a one night stand and get potentially an std for free (and having drinks brought me at a bar, vs choosing my client and making eg £300 for a couple of hours sweet talking and then shagging then its easy money in a capitalist society

very true words

So why aren't you working as a prostitute, then? Honestly, you're not thinking about this very sensibly, and it's quite clear you don't know what you're talking about.

If sex work were more respected, and by you logic, abused women would do it less, there would be a lot fewer women in the sex trade.

Unless you think that if sex work were more respected, a lot more women would want to do it?

because the people i know are not paying what i belive im worth, if im offering the service i want to make sure they can pay a premium , why sell my self short

How many actual sex workers do you think earn that much money?

Thank you for clarifying.

A lot of people earlier are talking as if OP has no choice but to sell sex due to financial need etc or that she was being coerced. That doesn't seem to be the case

. I personally think the sex industry commodifies women and I disapprove of people choosing to do it, so it's relevant to me whether someone is choosing to work in it or not.

people charge what they want to charge, thats upto them not me, why should i charge less for a service just because they may find someone else to offer a service thats cheaper ? like any trade you get the quality you pay for

but society commodifies every person, as we all have a price hench why we have nmw etc

I think you're overlooking that most sex workers can't just charge whatever they want. The market will favour younger women, women who are conventionally attractive, etc etc And it will also depend on what sex acts they're willing to offer, whether they'll have sex without condoms etc

fair points on that and your likely correct,

Thinking that selling access to one's own body is just a regular job is pretty close minded 🤔.
And humanity would manage perfectly well without the patriarchy thanks.

Do you use lube and/or have foreplay in order to lubricate naturally beforehand? And if you use lube do you insert it before the client sees or in front of the client? (I say this as someone who can’t go straight into a quickie - lube and/or foreplay is required every time or it would be painful, especially in my 40s)

I bloody would.

its been good debating with all and apologies if my responses are half baked ideas and points

Very interesting thread, thank you OP.

No questions but I'd like to say that I am glad that you are happy.

Sorry, didn't mean that to sound patronising. What I meant was that to someone who has never had to be a sex worker it sounds unbearable. I am glad it's not so for you.