I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

[IAMAthroway]

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

Wayne rooney infamously paid for the services of a 48 years old grandmother.

Which was a fetish.

Plenty of 40 year old women on dating sites get pursued by 20 year olds.

This is irrelevant as plenty more don't.

I'd bet my house on the fact younger prostitutes are far busier and earn more than those aged 40+

This is borne out by all the lecherous, pervy middle-aged and older men who chase after younger women.

Have you ever been beaten up by a violent client? Do you have to consent to anything and everything a clients wants?

Some of the posts on here are quite astonishing.

The idea men only want to have sex with 20-year-olds. My dating experience in my 50's tells me this is not true.

That the OP should be shamed for her choices, even though many people have pointed out she has a history of childhood abuse- that calls for sadness and empathy, not shaming, pity in a nasty way or anything else.

More listening, less judging. I hope the OP feels she can come back.

"I'd bet my house on the fact younger prostitutes are far busier and earn more than those aged 40+"

I repeat, I suspect op is quite happy with the the "easy money" from 4 hours work and not looking to maximise her income....

The idea men only want to have sex with 20-year-olds. My dating experience in my 50's tells me this is not true.

Has anyone said this?

If men only wanted to have sex with 20 year olds, the OP wouldn't have any work at all 😳

And again, dating is irellivent.

We're talking about men wanting pure sex here and effectively being able to 'choose from a menu' of women.

They don't get to do that on dating sites unless they're wealthy and it's some sort of designated 'Sugar daddy' site.

I suspect she is too 🤷‍♂️

Not sure what your point is?

My original reply that you picked up on was to @cottagebytheseaside saying she was shocked at how little OP earns.

I'm sure she would've earned far more during her younger days.

Yes, quite a few posters have intimated that the OP is over the hill, her desirability in the market is going down, and that is designed to degrade the way the OP feels about herself IMO, not an opportunity to discuss how age might play out in sex work.

I am in roughly the same situation as OP. Late forties, two degrees, professional career pre kids, widowed parent, teen children. Not worked for years. Can’t even understand job descriptions now. They are so obscure. Minimum wage customer services is my best option. That’s about a hundred quid a day, with travel and parking, bosses, appraisals, workwear, policy etc etc etc.

You tell me how else I can go earn a hundred quid, tonight, in less than an hour, with nothing I don’t already own and no preparation, and be back with the mental and physical energy and enthusiasm to listen to my teens witter about their friends over dinner and play goalie.

I’ll wait. I really will.

@IAMAthroway I suppose my question is that - honestly - do you feel that sex work has an effect on your mental health that non sex work jobs wouldn't?

I'm not judging btw. I was a sex worker / prostitute for nearly a decade myself. I don't think it's something that can be really understood without experience. For me I did have trauma unrelated to sex work before I started and I still have that trauma. Sex work did make my trauma harder to deal with though. Not because of the act itself as many would think but because being alone with a male stranger multiple times a week kept me in fight or flight always anticipating the possible danger I'd face next client even though there were only a handful of times in those years I was ever actually put at risk the potential was always there, and also I felt hounded by having to try screen out undesirable clients and it was difficult to connect properly with any real life partner.

Like you, I used sex work to make the basic standard of living that benefits were not enough for. I don't mean a fancy standard of living, just the basic things that the majority of working people are able to access. I find it funny that those frothing about sex work are often found frothing about benefits too!
I chose sex work for the ability to flexibly earn in one day what I could on NMW in a week. Like I say, I had mental health problems, young children on my own, and probably some form of ND that made it difficult for me to work a 'normal' job. Sometimes I beat myself up and wonder if I am just 'lazy'.

But it became that the burden of fear of assaults or prosecution (working together for safety is criminalised under brothel keeping laws and no the nordic model does NOT make us more safe the opposite in fact) outweighed the benefits and I wanted a 'normal' relationship and I was thoroughly fed up of my 'worth' being based on physical attributes. So I left, but I do think about it often even years later.

Quite. Sweet men can form friendships and get dates. This is paying for the use of her body.

Go for it, if that's your choice. Keep safe 🙏.

That is 100 percent victim blaming. She should have chosen a better man and not tolerated abuse. Not the man should have BEEN better and not abused her.

Oh no, I completely disagree with this.

Obviously the OP is getting work, but it's still a fact that younger prostitutes have always been more popular.

Her desirability in the market WILL be going down but that's just the way it is.

Nothing to do with a desirability to 'degrade'.

I'd say the desirability to do that lies with the punters.

Thank you for this, and I think you've obviously battled with the internalised trauma for a long time. Would you consider trying to deal with the trauma with professional help?

God, that's grim.

"Hang on kids, I've just got to suck off some pathetic man who sees me as a mastubatory object to use, before he huffs and humps away at fucking me, spunking in a condom in my vagina, in order to get the money to pay for your birthday presents."

I can only imagine how your kids would feel if they ever found out. How horrendous. It'd be like blood money to know that everything that's been paid for in your life is because perverted men have been using your mother like a disposable sex doll. Personally, I wouldn't want a bar of any of it if I knew my mum had done that 'for' me.

I mean, I understand your situation, and it's the clients that are the grotty ones not you - but it's just grim.

How is your self esteem? Sorry if this has already been discussed but your choice of username makes me think it may not be great. I wonder what you think about the concept of the patriarchy in general? That society as it is is set up by men to benefit men, and that women are products to be consumed? Not sure if that’s the dictionary definition lol, but how I understand it. Would there be any woman who would make this choice without the financial element? How can it not be exploitation?

If you go for the customer service job your not putting health and safety on the line every day are you?
The Op doesn't seem to be coming back, so difficult to say who or how safe her clients are.
74 percent more likely to experience violence as a prostitue.18 times more likely to be murdered.Yes AI pulled this off internet, but I did read about this in the guardian there were studies showing likelyhood of violence.
Would you really want to consider this life style rather than some customer service job?
Yes crappy job but you get to see your kids, you could really damage your mental health doing this work!!

Do you think lonely and shy women use sex workers and if not why not?

Why?
We don't have enough information it isn't given, if she chose him, or how they came to be together.So why is it victim blaming?

You said "I'd screamed for help there were bouncers but I did sometimes feel forced into doing things I didn't want."

Isn’t that rape?

How do you keep yourself safe? Physically and emotionally?

Are you safe?

Do your children know?

In that case, I am little different in paying for (non sexual) services from people who are ‘coerced’ into providing those services - ie because they need to pay bills. Many of us, using your terminology, are ‘coerced’ into doing work we don’t particularly like to pay the bills.

I think to use ‘coercion’ in the context you do does a disservice to those coerced into sex work through trafficking or coercion (in the usual meaning of the word). And which is somewhat different to those who do sex work through ‘choice’, however questionable that choice and available options may be

Why ‘when’?

No it doesn’t did you not read this

"I'd screamed for help there were bouncers but I did sometimes feel forced into doing things I didn't want."

There is a very large and obvious difference between being used sexually for money, and scanning items at a checkout for money.

I don't think anyone would think their 16-year-old daughter should get a job as a prostitute (although she'd probably do gangbusters, being so young - men love 'em young), but a lot of people would encourage her to get a job working in a shop.

Neither would be fun, but working in a shop probably wouldn't cause her long-term subtle or overt trauma, or risk rape on a daily basis.