I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

[TowerTumble]

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

Fascinating thread and I'm sorry the OP was driven off it.

The late Barbara Cartland was a big campaigner for the rights of Traveller children

https://www.hertsmemories.org.uk/content/herts-history/people/gypsies-travellers-and-showmen/barbara-cartland-and-barbaraville-the-mill-green-gypsy-site

Personally re littering, animal cruelty etc the best way to broach this is by polite dialogue with them, maybe educating them too. How do you think the children gradually got persuaded into staying at school and further education?

What a lovely person.

Yes whole communities shouldn't he judged by the actions of a few however, there is a common thread here that many have experienced anti social travellers and it is a genuine question to wonder if these groups are condemned by other settled travellers or not.

Many if not most of us have experienced large messy camps being set up, i doubt those camping illegally will ever do an ama so surely It's ok to ask someone who has insight and knowledge what they think of these travellers?

I saw Stacey Dooley interview some gypsy women - not travellers, though. It was very interesting. One of them makes a good living from her YouTube episodes about cleaning. She also spoke out about her miscarriage, which apparently was taboo in their community, and she was helping to break the taboo and get it spoken about.

I wish we had a laughing emoji

Several years ago, there was a tv show on American tv called, ”My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding,” about Gypsy families preparing for and giving their daughters over-the-top weddings.
It would follow a different Gypsy family each week, and they all lived in a community of caravans.
There was one dressmaker who all the brides went to (in England, I believe this was) to have their ENORMOUS wedding dresses made - and when I say ENORMOUS, I mean, they could barely move or fit through any doorways their skirts were sooo gargantuan.
And it was almost (or was) a contest for these families to give their daughters the most over the top wedding in Gypsy history.
But underneath it all, I saw the love of these parents wanting to give their daughters the wedding they’d always dreamt of.
No matter how outlandish, the love is what stood out to me and I was very sorry when the series was discontinued.

Are Gypsy weddings really* like this? Still?
Oh and also - are there Gypsy families in the USA?

I think it was the repetitive questioning, after she had already answered similar questions, and the accusatory tone of the last OP that caused her to leave

Very sad but totally understandable

@DreamTheMoors that was a popular series in the UK. The weddings were always very big events. The dressmaker of choice is Thelma Madine, from Liverpool. I think they trusted her and she always created what they asked for.

I get what you're saying @RichardMarxisinnocent but sadly a number of people on this thread have only had a 100% bad experience with the traveler community. This is the case where I live too, unfortunately. OPs thread has been fascinating to read though. Makes me wish the arrival of travelers in my hometown were something to look forward to. Imagine that? It could be, but that would be up to the travelers to make it so.

Sorry you've had some rude and ignorant comments.

In case you do come back, what is dating and courtship like? Do travellers still tend to get married very young?

It was? Thank you.
I thought for sure it was geared towards the Americans because of its unique content.
I’m happy to know someone knows what I’m talking about.
Ms. Madine seemed always very kind and always took the brides’ requests and visions seriously.
Had it been me, there might’ve been some eye-rolling before the appointment was over.
What’s amazing is she was clever enough to put exactly what the brides wanted into their dresses.
And she was always so smiling and lovely about it.

if you're settled and working in a full-time professional job, which aspects of your culture do you preserve in your day-to-day lifestyle, and what makes that lifestyle unique from others of a different culture?

She understood the community and respected them. Understandably, she did well from the business.

The travellers that stay locally to me are staying in caravans worth more than my house so I’m pretty sure they have recourse to ‘facilities’.

I wonder — do the townspeople welcome the Travelers and make them feel welcome? Do they make a day of the townspeople and the Travelers getting to know each other or do they automatically assume the worst and expect the worst?
If you think the best and expect the best of someone they’ll try to live up to it.
But when you expect nothing but bad trouble and hooliganism and the worst from someone, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

Hi @TowerTumble I know you have been busy answering peoples questions, but you didn't answer mine from earlier... This one ^

Are the women very possessive of the men? As I said, when I engaged in conversation with one of the men, I got a death stare from his wife, and she ignored me when I spoke. Is this normal practice?

Can I ask why they want you to remove her from school? I understand it’s traditional to but I wonder how people justify it nowadays when it would so clearly limit the possibilities for your child.

If you ask them outright why they think it would benefit your child to have a limited education and therefore limited avenues open to her, what do they say? Is it that they believe a woman’s place is in the home?

It’s an interesting AMA btw, and I hope people are respectful to you.

The OP has flounced.

It's a shame, I was learning something. But if the communtiy will only engage with questions and issues that are to their liking and won't engage with people's very understandable concerns except to say, well, I don't do that, then we're never going to get very far.

Growing up there was a gypsy who settled in the next village to us. He lived in a horse drawn wagon and had a horse called Daisy. Do travelling families every live like that nowadays or is it a thing of the past?

It's not just traveller women who do this! 😬

Where I live it’s only traveller women who do this.

I see the Pontins / surname thing has been covered already. We have Irish roots ( dh not me) and a very Irish surname. I have had so many assumptions made about us based on our surname in the past recent years by dd school. Someone has assumed we are travellers due to the surname. They absolutely will not accept we aren't and dh dad left Ireland a long time ago and was never a traveller. I had the "your surname preceeds you" lecture too from school staff. It's a weird feeling and we aren't even in the community. But suddenly people are assuming we own the horses in a nearby field as we are Irish and there are travellers in the village. Therefore 1 + 1 = 10

Back where I'm from in Kent the travellers are very different from here. Very different way of life it seems to my outside eyes.

Do you not think that the behaviour of aome of these people might contribute to this?

I think the townspeople would but it would take time. It's a 2 way street though. If you're in a settled community and a large number of people regularly come in from the outside and trash your local area, steal, threaten etc it's hardly going to forge friendships is it? OP mentioned the vast majority of travelers absolutely did not behave like that, so this was a really positive education for me. I have hope.