Page 14 | My boys go to a prestigious boarding school. Ask me anything !

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:17

OldieButBaddie · 07/08/2025 17:13

I am guessing you have given no thought to what will happen later in life

My DH has always joked that he looks forward to the time when he can repay the favour. When his Father (for it was he who mandated boarding aged 7) becomes infirm and wants us to help care for him, he can then say that he is sending him to a lovely place where there are lots of people his own age and he will have a really super time, it doesn't matter that he isn't at home being cared for by his family as it will be SO GREAT.

Well he says it's a joke.

Times are different , it is a different culture, parents expect different things from a school.

OP posts:

Gloriia · 07/08/2025 17:17

There must be some hierarchy that your kids will be aware of. The self funders must look down their noses at the taxpayer funded students?

SalonDesRefuses · 07/08/2025 17:18

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:15

How do I define myself as their mother? i guess i am and I do instill my values. Teachers are not parents

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No, I do agree with that. I was more thinking about being shaped by who you live with/your environment. I don;t discount that they take your advice on board.

Sorry if this has been asked already, but how is your husbands relationship with his parents? Are they close?

ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:18

Your husband is in the military. Do you work? 🙂

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:19

recipientofraspberries · 07/08/2025 17:10

The thing is, that children who go to boarding school are psychologically affected and develop a thing called boarding school syndrome. They have to go into survival mode because they're away from their family and have no truly safe and private space, so of course most children tell their families 'I love it!!'. It's part of the psychological adaptation. They have to believe everything is ok because it's too risky for their young brains and emotional systems to believe anything else. This phenomenon is well studied and documented.

Yes. But it was not a recent study and not everyone was affected. Robust data is fine, broad brush generalisation is just that. We know a lot of happy people who have a great extended family life who used to go to boarding school

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Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:19

ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:18

Your husband is in the military. Do you work? 🙂

Yes I work in the humanitarian sector

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Nanatobethatsme46 · 07/08/2025 17:20

Children are young for such a short time, do you feel guilty and sending them away and missing out on their childhood. As someone who has lost my own mom at a young age i know that nothing replaces a mom. They will wonder why they were sent away too

Themomentsheknewshefkedup · 07/08/2025 17:20

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 13:54

We sent them at the age of 11. they are now 13 and 16.
we made the decision based upon what we thought was the best school for them.
it was my husband’s old school.
we live abroad half the time due to my husband’s work- it was a good way , we thought, to continue stability in their education.
when we are back in England they come home for the day on sunday.
otherwise see them for a long weekend every half term (exeat) and all the holidays. Which are longer than state schools

it wouldn’t have been my first choice but I have seen how it has been really good for them with all the travel we do

God this is awful

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:20

SalonDesRefuses · 07/08/2025 17:18

No, I do agree with that. I was more thinking about being shaped by who you live with/your environment. I don;t discount that they take your advice on board.

Sorry if this has been asked already, but how is your husbands relationship with his parents? Are they close?

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Yes , very. We live 15 mins from them!
we also lived in their annexe for 8 years when we were younger..

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ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:21

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:19

Yes I work in the humanitarian sector

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Did you ever think of choosing a more local job so you could stay with your children/keep them away from boarding whilst your DH works away?

(Not being goady - just genuinely curious 😊)

AzurePanda · 07/08/2025 17:21

I have to say it is pretty crass to start a thread with “ prestigious” in the title in relation to a private school but when it relates to taxpayer funded private schooling it is beyond the pale.

One of my friends, whom I hugely admire, is married to a very senior military man. They spurned the offer of feee boarding school education and instead she’s worked her arse off to help pay for a great local day school. Yes it meant she was separated at times from her husband but they were absolutely determined to put their children first.

I actually think that military families should be entitled to boarding school education to allow for continuity for their children, but really I wouldn’t be boasting about it in a public forum.

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:21

Nanatobethatsme46 · 07/08/2025 17:20

Children are young for such a short time, do you feel guilty and sending them away and missing out on their childhood. As someone who has lost my own mom at a young age i know that nothing replaces a mom. They will wonder why they were sent away too

Sorry about your loss.
I don’t ever feel guilty. I am still very much their mother and I know they are happy with good friends

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cramptramp · 07/08/2025 17:21

I don’t think this is a humble brag post OP. I think it’s really interesting and I understand your reasons for doing it. Does your OH work for the British Military?

JamieCannister · 07/08/2025 17:22

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 13:25

Ask me anything about my boys who board at an all boys’ school ! Any disrespectful questions will be ignored

Why did you have children if you did not want to bring them up yourself?

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:22

AzurePanda · 07/08/2025 17:21

I have to say it is pretty crass to start a thread with “ prestigious” in the title in relation to a private school but when it relates to taxpayer funded private schooling it is beyond the pale.

One of my friends, whom I hugely admire, is married to a very senior military man. They spurned the offer of feee boarding school education and instead she’s worked her arse off to help pay for a great local day school. Yes it meant she was separated at times from her husband but they were absolutely determined to put their children first.

I actually think that military families should be entitled to boarding school education to allow for continuity for their children, but really I wouldn’t be boasting about it in a public forum.

Sorry the word ‘prestigious’ is triggering. Maybe ‘well known’ would have been less misleading

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Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:23

JamieCannister · 07/08/2025 17:22

Why did you have children if you did not want to bring them up yourself?

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I bring up my own children. Teachers are not parents

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Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:23

cramptramp · 07/08/2025 17:21

I don’t think this is a humble brag post OP. I think it’s really interesting and I understand your reasons for doing it. Does your OH work for the British Military?

Yes

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Gloriia · 07/08/2025 17:23

cramptramp · 07/08/2025 17:21

I don’t think this is a humble brag post OP. I think it’s really interesting and I understand your reasons for doing it. Does your OH work for the British Military?

Well no it isn't a humble brag as we're paying for it.

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:24

ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:21

Did you ever think of choosing a more local job so you could stay with your children/keep them away from boarding whilst your DH works away?

(Not being goady - just genuinely curious 😊)

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i did that for a bit but then work took him overseas .

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muggart · 07/08/2025 17:24

OP, have you been surprised to discover on this thread that so many people think it’s wrong to put children in BS, or were you already aware of the judgment parents of borders get?

walkingmycatnameddog · 07/08/2025 17:25

My dad went to a very prestigious school, left with an excellent education and decided he wanted to drive buses, so he did and loved it. It isn’t about the school it’s about the child.

ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:25

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:24

i did that for a bit but then work took him overseas .

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Do you not worry that your children feel like you pick your DH over them? Leaving them to go with him etc?

Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:26

Gloriia · 07/08/2025 17:17

There must be some hierarchy that your kids will be aware of. The self funders must look down their noses at the taxpayer funded students?

No. Kids don’t give a shit. 25% are assisted and at least 20% full funding from low socioeconomic families /inner cities

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Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:27

ItsBouqeeeet · 07/08/2025 17:25

Do you not worry that your children feel like you pick your DH over them? Leaving them to go with him etc?

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The world is a small place, it doesnt feel like leaving them. Communication and travel is easy

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Original poster

tummyduck · 07/08/2025 17:27

walkingmycatnameddog · 07/08/2025 17:25

My dad went to a very prestigious school, left with an excellent education and decided he wanted to drive buses, so he did and loved it. It isn’t about the school it’s about the child.

Yes agree

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