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AMA

I still breastfeed my 5 year-old

1000 replies

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 14:10

I’ve had another baby too so am now a tandem feeder. Happy to answer any questions.

OP posts:
gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:28

I had no idea the average UK mum was so agaisnt extended BFing. It makes me really sad actually.

There's nothing perverse about it, its entirely natural.
If mum and child want to continue, why stop at an arbitrary age?

When does it become "gross" and why? As mentioned upthread, those who think it's inappropriate should take a long, hard look at themselves.

Breasts were designed to feed babies and children a nutritious drink- rich in antibodies among many other things.

It's also a huge comfort for the child, and a bonding experience.

I stopped BFing DS at 2.5 and plan similar for DD, but see no issue with a mother continuing for longer if the child wants to.

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:28

SalfordQuays · 05/05/2025 17:07

I know it’s hard to keep up with the questions OP, but I’m genuinely curious about what you would do if your child was one of the small minority who remain able to latch despite losing milk teeth. Do you have a cut off in your own mind, or would you continue as long as your child wanted to, even if it got as far as secondary school?

No I wouldn’t continue on blindly just because I could. If something exceptional happened I would re-evaluate.

OP posts:
Rockhopper1 · 05/05/2025 22:29

Miyagi99 · 05/05/2025 20:31

The promotion of formula.

This has been a huge factor .

wrinklyoldarms · 05/05/2025 22:31

rosemarble · 05/05/2025 22:27

most of us see nothing wrong with finding comfort in things we don’t “need”.
A favourite mug, a hug with our pets, a bubble bath.
A child finding comfort from a short BF from their mum does no harm as long as both parties are happy to do so.
My children are both emotionally strong, independent young men and have a very good relationship with me. They both self weaned before school. The last couple of years it was 5 mins snuggle in bed. There wasn’t any big End of BF moment, it just dwindled until one day the gap between feeds was such that it just stopped and neither of us made any remark.

What you describe wasn't 'weaning'.

Weaning is moving from milk to solids. Your boys were weaned long before aged 5 but for whatever reason you continued to offer them your breasts at bedtime - for comfort?

Nothing wrong if that's what you wanted but it's not 'weaning' as we know it.

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:32

The sad truth is that the people aghast at a 5 year old drinking breast milk would happily feed them a Fruitshoot or fizzy drink.

Somehow this is better?!

wrinklyoldarms · 05/05/2025 22:33

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:28

I had no idea the average UK mum was so agaisnt extended BFing. It makes me really sad actually.

There's nothing perverse about it, its entirely natural.
If mum and child want to continue, why stop at an arbitrary age?

When does it become "gross" and why? As mentioned upthread, those who think it's inappropriate should take a long, hard look at themselves.

Breasts were designed to feed babies and children a nutritious drink- rich in antibodies among many other things.

It's also a huge comfort for the child, and a bonding experience.

I stopped BFing DS at 2.5 and plan similar for DD, but see no issue with a mother continuing for longer if the child wants to.

Extended bf isn't to school age!

It's usually beyond a year, max.

The benefits of antibodies don't apply to older children who are making their own every day by mixing with other people.

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:34

wrinklyoldarms · 05/05/2025 17:21

Surely the whole point of posting in AMA is to a) seek attention and b) provoke a reaction?

I am sure the OP (if this is a genuine post and not someone just bored to day) started her thread knowing full well she'd get a lot of comments that were not supportive.

She wasn't asking for advice, or sympathy, she was saying 'Ask me anything.'

I disagree with this. There are some great posts in this section which don’t fall into either of those categories. Lots are just helping others to gain a better understanding of things they happen to have personal insights into.

OP posts:
wrinklyoldarms · 05/05/2025 22:34

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:32

The sad truth is that the people aghast at a 5 year old drinking breast milk would happily feed them a Fruitshoot or fizzy drink.

Somehow this is better?!

You're exaggerating.

There is a middle way where people are still surprised at a 5 year old and they aren't offering unhealthy options

BunnyLake · 05/05/2025 22:35

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:28

I had no idea the average UK mum was so agaisnt extended BFing. It makes me really sad actually.

There's nothing perverse about it, its entirely natural.
If mum and child want to continue, why stop at an arbitrary age?

When does it become "gross" and why? As mentioned upthread, those who think it's inappropriate should take a long, hard look at themselves.

Breasts were designed to feed babies and children a nutritious drink- rich in antibodies among many other things.

It's also a huge comfort for the child, and a bonding experience.

I stopped BFing DS at 2.5 and plan similar for DD, but see no issue with a mother continuing for longer if the child wants to.

Well I guess it would be considered gross if the child was taller than their mum?

wrinklyoldarms · 05/05/2025 22:35

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:34

I disagree with this. There are some great posts in this section which don’t fall into either of those categories. Lots are just helping others to gain a better understanding of things they happen to have personal insights into.

Well you would- clearly! Hardly going to agree are you!

Parktrips · 05/05/2025 22:40

BunnyLake · 05/05/2025 22:06

I personally don’t think a child of 5 or 6 needs the comfort of bf, they only do because that’s what they know, like kids who won’t relinquish their dummies long after they should. The house training example was to show if you put in a bit of effort you don’t need to be tied to bf for more years than you need.

Except dummies have proven harmful effects on children and breastfeeding has proven positive effects on children. Don’t use the two interchangeably as they are not comparable.

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:40

Hallywally · 05/05/2025 17:37

Is your child at school or nursery? Do they mention it to their peers? Do your friends/family know? If so, what sort of reception do you get?

Yes. And AFAIK, no. I haven’t mentioned it to anyone family or friends in quite a while. There’s been no particular need to and none of them hsve expressed any interest.

OP posts:
Parktrips · 05/05/2025 22:42

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:32

The sad truth is that the people aghast at a 5 year old drinking breast milk would happily feed them a Fruitshoot or fizzy drink.

Somehow this is better?!

The conditioning is real!

AliBaliBee1234 · 05/05/2025 22:45

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:28

I had no idea the average UK mum was so agaisnt extended BFing. It makes me really sad actually.

There's nothing perverse about it, its entirely natural.
If mum and child want to continue, why stop at an arbitrary age?

When does it become "gross" and why? As mentioned upthread, those who think it's inappropriate should take a long, hard look at themselves.

Breasts were designed to feed babies and children a nutritious drink- rich in antibodies among many other things.

It's also a huge comfort for the child, and a bonding experience.

I stopped BFing DS at 2.5 and plan similar for DD, but see no issue with a mother continuing for longer if the child wants to.

People have posted in this thread and have said that they were BF until they were older children and it had a negative effect. I was bf and if I had any memory of it, I would be utterly traumatised.

There is no need for children of that age to breastfeed. If they must have the milk (which they don't) then they can have it from a cup.

I'm pretty sure you'd judge a 5 year old taking a bottle or dummy for 'comfort'

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:45

@ParktripsI genuinely don't understand what you're saying

BunnyLake · 05/05/2025 22:46

Parktrips · 05/05/2025 22:40

Except dummies have proven harmful effects on children and breastfeeding has proven positive effects on children. Don’t use the two interchangeably as they are not comparable.

Please don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.

AliBaliBee1234 · 05/05/2025 22:47

gertrudebiggles · 05/05/2025 22:32

The sad truth is that the people aghast at a 5 year old drinking breast milk would happily feed them a Fruitshoot or fizzy drink.

Somehow this is better?!

I don't think anyone is aghast at what they're drinking, it's the fact they're being breastfed.

Said it multiple times tonight but if you saw a 5 year old having a bottle or using a dummy. You would most likely complain about it ...

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:48

LGBirmingham · 05/05/2025 17:53

This is am interesting thread. Thanks.

What's the rationale behind not making your son wean? I'm curious because I gently nudged mine to fully wean at around 2 and a half years, so I breastfed for a good while. It was the biggest non event! He had a little cry the first night we didn't do it at bed time and then he never mentioned it again. It had stopped sending him to sleep a year or more before that point.

If he didn’t have a baby sister who feeds around the clock, I would do this. I don’t think it would be that hard at this point either. And actually, if she hadn’t come sling, I suspect he would have weaned naturally by now.

OP posts:
AliBaliBee1234 · 05/05/2025 22:50

Parktrips · 05/05/2025 22:40

Except dummies have proven harmful effects on children and breastfeeding has proven positive effects on children. Don’t use the two interchangeably as they are not comparable.

What a ridiculous point.

Have you taken the time to read the responses from those who were BF late on this thread and how they absolutely didn't find it positive?

BertieBotts · 05/05/2025 22:52

It is worth noting that the 0.5% receiving any breastmilk at 12 months is from the Lancet 2016 meta-analysis which relied on estimates, because most high income countries only gather stats on breastfeeding rates at 6 OR 12 months, rather than both. For the UK data, they used the Infant Feeding Survey from 2010, so it is quite out of date now (and did only collect info up to 9 months and I can't find the 0.5% figure anywhere in it, so I assume it is an estimate). Due to a lack of funding, the survey did not run in 2015 or 2020, despite running every 5 years since 1975, but there was one comissioned in 2023 based on babies born in December 2023 and this has not yet been published - I expect we might see it by the end of this year. They are collecting data up to 8-10 months so we should get a good estimate of BF rates at 8-10 months.

Based on what I've noticed on parenting forums between my 2008 and 2018/2021 babies, in 2010 most people thought 6 months was the "recommended" length of breastfeeding, with 12 months (NHS actual recommendation at the time) being seen more as a deadline to have stopped by. I think that has shifted and it is now seen as 12 months is the usual, and then people's views seem to vary but somewhere around 18m-2.5 tends to be the cut off for being "weird" if you haven't stopped by then. People used to refer to "walking and talking" and now talk about "saying full sentences". So I think that the 0.5% may be reflective of this - with breastfeeding prevalence (how long people feed for regardless of other foods/milks) you tend to see a very sharp drop off in the first few weeks (I predict this will have got worse - I don't think breastfeeding support these days is any better) but then it's fairly stable until weaning takes over at ~6-9 months and then it starts to drop off more sharply again - I think it's likely this curve will soften, due to slower weaning and more acceptance of BF past 12 months.

You can see a similar trend if you look at the older surveys too. BF rates often drop off in the first few weeks because it can be difficult to establish BF. This seems to be higher when more mothers initiate BF in the first place, which shows very clearly IMO the consequences of heavily promoting BF without investing in adequate support. But then things stay fairly stable until you start to reach an age where you can see (and is often separately measured in the survey) solids start to overtake milk in the baby's diet, or when mums go back to work if this happens before 6 months of age. Statistically, once you pass 6 months maternity leave, return to work doesn't significantly affect breastfeeding rates. But then past the point where solids are established, you tend to get a fairly stable rate again until you get to an age where BF is considered culturally unacceptable, at which point they dwindle to almost nothing. You can see that pattern in every country that takes stats.

IME it is quite a specific demographic who continue to breastfeed as well, there is often some kind of driver which overrides the cultural norm because the most influential aspect of how long you breastfeed for is generally how long you see people breastfeeding around you, including how long you were breastfed yourself.

You tend to get really 3-4 rough groups which of course overlap and are not exclusive - but they are mothers who are highly educated/intelligent/possibly slight overthinkers and tend to read up on everything and follow this more so than following what is the "norm" (overrepresented on MN, or at least they were 15 years ago!) mothers who lean towards a more "natural" or eco-friendly/hippy/alternative type lifestyle, mothers influenced by a different cultural norm where breastfeeding is more accepted, and then mothers who have extremely difficult to settle babies and/or clingy, sensitive toddlers, who perhaps would not have sought out attachment parenting or continued breastfeeding otherwise, but their baby/toddler seems to need that more intense level of nurturing, and it's somewhat of a relief when they find that other people are doing this and it works for them too and nothing terrible has happened to their older children. Often those babies/toddlers later turn out to be neurodivergent but not always.

So I don't think it's hugely surprising that it would be a minority, because all of these things are quite niche, although I do also think the 0.5% figure is suspect. The figure at 9 months (in 2010) is 24% so it seems like an extremely sharp drop off.

Babyghirl · 05/05/2025 22:54

Notafanoftheheat · 05/05/2025 15:02

Does the school know? As this could be considered a safeguarding issue.

I was just going to write this, if school knew this would definitely be reported, please stop letting your 5 yo suck on your breasts and let them grow up, they are no longer babies and you babying them is not going to help them.

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:55

Eventer22 · 05/05/2025 18:09

I cannot help but feel this thread is peculiar. The AMA aspect is not that much.

Can I ask a question ? Are those feeding 'later' in the UK or in the USA or somewhere else ?

I’m in the UK. Those I know of from extended breastfeeding groups are from both the UK and US and beyond.

OP posts:
FenellaFurchester · 05/05/2025 22:55

Just to add to the positive extended breastfeeding stories. My son BF until he was four and a half. I think his latch started to change and my milk started to dry up so ‘weaning’ just happened by itself.

NameChangedOfc · 05/05/2025 22:56

Thank you very much for creating this thread: I've learnt a lot 😊🙏💐

I'm sorry you have to experience so many hateful projections heated reactions: ignore them, please. Luckily you sound strong and self confident 👏

TandemFeeder · 05/05/2025 22:56

ElaineBurdock · 05/05/2025 18:15

I think it's great you're breastfeeding older children. I breastfed mine, but one weaned himself off it at 1 yr old and the other at 2. I'd have been willing to go longer as I found it very relaxing.

The question I have is, are you worried the older one consumed all the colostrum meant for the newborn?

Again I’ve already c

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