I'm paralysed from the waist down. AMA

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

Female, aged 64, paralysed from waist down following car crash when I was 9 years old.

AMA

Is it OK if I ask a Personal question? No need to answer if it isn't OK. How do you manage your bowels? I'm an allied health professional but have never come across this problem, if it's a problem and would like to be prepared/understanding if I do. Thank you.

Hi, I have a colostomy bag and for urine I have a catheter.

Are you the woman from the other post about getting over things you thought you’d never get over?

Some questions:
Do you work and what is your job? What are your hobbies?
Have you found that people’s attitude to disability has changed since you were little?
What’s the one thing you wish people knew about your life?

Are you married/do you have a partner?
Have you found that people assume you don't want a partner, or want a partner who also wants a disability?
What assumptions do people make about you, and which assumptions are the most and least accurate?
Are you angry about your accident?

Your story from the other thread is horrific 😔 if you don't mind me asking was anyone at fault for the accident?

How did the accident affect your schooling? Were you allowed back at your old school?

Do you hold any anger or bitterness towards the driver?

Is there anything that you wish people who aren't paralysed knew about being paralysed? Especially something that would make a positive difference.

Have you been able to live independently? Work? Travel?

Anything!

So sorry to read your story on the other thread OP.

My question is do you think that provisions for people living with this have improved much since you were 9? Given the advancements in other areas of life (phones, internet etc) I hope that they have.

Do you get turned on sexually, if so is it frustrating to not be able to pleasure yourself

Yes I am.

I've had various jobs over the years but for the past 12 years I've been a sign language interpretor.
Many hobbies! I love gardening.. I have raised beds. Also love baking, crochet, photography.

Yes attitudes have definitely changed although there is still a long way to go!

The one thing I wish people knew about my life that it's just as full and varied as someone who isn't a paraplegic!

I was married when I was in my 20s but looking back, I think I just married him because I didn't think anybody else would want me.

Ive had a few relationships throughout the years. Aged 50, I told myself to enjoy life without a man. Until I met my wonderful husband when I was 54! It took a while to get there, but I've never been happier. I don't have any children, he has 3 daughters and 5 grandkids who I adore.

Yes I've had many assumptions over my relationships.
You that programme the undateables that used to be on? Couldn't stand that as they always matched the disabled person with another disabled person!
I did date somebody who had an arm amputated.

People assume I can't do things for myself when I can. The only assumption people should make is that I can't walk!

I'm not angry about the accident.

Nobody at fault. Tyre burst, car spun out of control, rolled 20 feet down an embankment with the trailer still attached. No other cars involved.

I was in hospital for 3 years then moved in with my elderly grandparents, who lived too far from my old school. They didn't think I would manage at school so I never went back. Times were different then.

The driver was my dad who sadly died in the crash along with my mum and sisters. I didn't want to mention that in this thread as I didn't want to derail it.

I'm not sure really. I don't really remember life before I was paralysed so I don't really know what it's like being different, if that makes sense.
I'll have a think about that one.

I haven't and wouldn't ever be able to live completely independently, as in I need carers to help me with personal care more than anything.
I have lived alone, with carers coming in 4 times a day and I've lived in a residential place. I live with my husband now and have carers in to get me up for the day (husband says I don't need carers as he would help me but I like to keep that side of things separate from my marriage) I don't currently have carers any other time of the day, I can transfer myself into bed with a little help from husband.

I've never been abroad but have visited majority of the UK.

I know this is the one question so many people want to ask!

I have absolutely no sexual feelings. Some paraplegic do but it depends on which part of the spinal cord is damaged.

Doesn't stop me fancying people though.

what did you do if you didn’t go back to school?

Have you had any particular encounters that stand out to you where you’ve been surprised by people’s kindness/unkindness because you’re in a wheelchair?

How did you manage all that loss at such a young age? Loss of your family and loss of your mobility.

You’ve been through such a lot OP.

Do you remember much about the accident/life before or are most of your memories post-accident?

Yes! It's amazing how much "easier" life is these days. Having an electric wheelchair, being able to do most things online etc.
There is so much more awareness nowadays too.

In your relationships have you pleasured your partners even though you don’t get anything out of it? Or are you with asexual people

Goodness me. How tragic. You’re such a strong person. To deal with the death of both of your parents and your sibling as well as becoming paralysed at such a young age.. absolutely heartbreaking.

You are amazing 💐