I'm paralysed from the waist down. AMA

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

Female, aged 64, paralysed from waist down following car crash when I was 9 years old.

AMA

I'm a quadruple amputee (5yrs, resulted from Covid) and your last sentence is so right! I tell people I am living my second life - different to my first life but still great!

I didn't do very much. Just sat in my wheelchair by the window watching the world go by. My grandparents were incredibly old fashioned and didn't think I'd be able to do anything. This was the 70s so attitudes were different anyway but my grandparents were even more old fashioned. I think they were embarrassed by me too. Back then I had to wear terry nappies and would end up soaked through, or soiled, if we went out for long.
I probably smelt a lot because it was difficult for them to bathe me So they wouldn't have wanted to take me out anyway.
I was often left alone when grandad was at work and grandma went to the shops or wherever.

I use an electric wheelchair now but when I had a manual, i had times when people would physically push me out of the way if they wanted to be where I was. Awful. Verbal abuse, calling me names, throwing things at me (when I was much younger)
There have been so many times of kindness too. I remember at a train station once, the lift was broke, so a complete random stranger said he'd carry me up. He placed me on a bench at the top then went back for my chair. My friend was with me but she wouldn't have been able to carry me.

I'm not sure. I didn't have much choice really. My grandparents never spoke about my family. No photos in the house anyway etc.

Thank you for answering and you sound like such an interesting person. When was the turning point for you when your grandparents realised you could have a job and needed to have your own life?

By any chance are you in Northern Ireland?

Do you and your husband have PIV sex?

Have you ever had any form of counselling or therapy to help with the grief of losing your family and the paralysis?

I don't remember the a actual accident. My last memory is of us all piling into the car at home, and my dad saying if we were good we would have an ice cream if we saw somewhere on the way. Never did get that ice cream. The accident was about 2 hours after we set off so I've no idea what happened between leaving home and the accident. I sometimes wonder if I fell asleep as I often did when in the car. I then remember being in hospital and this wonderful kind lady fussing over me. That was 2 weeks after the accident. I had been in a coma and they didn't think I would survive.
I wasn't told about my family for a long time. To begin with I was told they couldn't visit me in the hospital. I couldn't understand why though because all the other little boys and girls had their mummy's visiting.

I can’t even imagine how difficult that was for you xx

I'm going to talk about sex.

When I was married the first time, my husband would have sex with me. I couldn't feel anything so I would just lie there. He was a vile man who clearly didn't care about me.
I've not had PIV sex with anybody else. Which is why relationships didn't last.
The man I'm married to now is asexual. We love each other very much but don't have sex.

Normal wheelchair or fancy electric jobby?

Top speed? Can you do any tricks?

(Sorry, trying to keep this lighthearted!)

Do you believe in God?

My grandma died when I was 14 and my grandad was frail. I was moved into a children's home where I stayed until I was 18. Grandad died when I was 16. So it never became a thing where they suddenly realised I could do things they didn't think I could.

Which films and TV shows do you think have the most realistic depictions of physical disability? Which ones are a load of nonsense?

Do your back muscles get sore?

Just wanna send you so many good vibes OP, your positive attitude shines through the screen 🖤 I wish you many years of happiness

Thanks for answering my questions. I think that sometimes people think disabled people are either inspiring or pitiful. So I can imagine you wanting people to know that you have a fulfilling life.

I’m sad to hear that people dealt with your family’s death so badly. Terrible not to tell you straight away and then try to hide you away.

What was it like to witness the world become so much more accessible?
(I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user in my mid-twenties and in awe of those who lived before public transport was made more wheelchair accessible, as well as those who fought for us to have the access - and very grateful to the latter!)

Haha! Electric wheelchair now. Had normal up until 15ish years ago.
Bloody love the wheelchair I've got now. It's proper fancy. The seat rises up and i can lie it back.

I have a manual one too for when I go out as electric one can't go in the car. You can get little motors to go on the back of manual wheelchairs that I'm looking into getting.

Do you do any specific upper body weight training?

I haven’t read the other thread but will do but wanted to say you come across as such a lovely person.

My dad lost an arm before I was born but he didn’t let it stop him doing anything (except driving), he showed me that a disability does not stop you doing anything & he was a real inspiration to me & surprised so many people with what he could do. When he passed away I had so many people tell me how amazing he was & they didn’t know how he did the job he did. I can imagine you are inspiring like this to lots of people too.

Thank you for sharing your experience @BlossomIsSoPretty I’m really sorry to hear about you losing your family and your injuries. It sounds like you have made a lovely life for yourself, which is great to hear.

I have a serious disability (POTs) which is unfortunately under-researched and quality of life for sufferers can be extremely poor (bed bound etc.). I’m always interested to hear what others with disability think about assisted dying, not just for those with terminal illness, but where life becomes unbearable for the individual. Not suggesting this is at all applicable to you, but I often find people with disabilities have given this a lot of thought and have a nuanced view.

@BlossomIsSoPretty

I'm really sorry for the manner I worded my question. It was very thoughtless in hindsight.

I’d love to know about your garden? What do you grow? Is it something you’ve always been interested in or more recently?

What do the carers do that you are unable to do? Your arms are unaffected?

Did you feel when you have your period? How did you know if you needed to change your pad/tampon without looking?

I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much. What an interesting thread …! When you dream do you dream of yourself being in a wheelchair or can you walk? I ask because I have complex disabilities myself (although not in a wheelchair) and when I dream it’s like my body “works”.