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AMA

A Muslim Female in UK Questiontime

242 replies

WhoevenamIinlife · 22/02/2025 23:11

To help those who need educating. Fire away.

OP posts:
Teaformenow · 23/02/2025 00:47

Are there any parts of your religion that you don’t agree with or don’t think is relevant in todays society?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:48

Teaformenow · 23/02/2025 00:47

Are there any parts of your religion that you don’t agree with or don’t think is relevant in todays society?

Nothing that comes to mind that I have to work around in my daily routine...

OP posts:
PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:49

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:38

is this a serious question?

Yes, and I'd love a serious answer. I've had some really bad experiences with other mums at school hence the question.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:51

PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:49

Yes, and I'd love a serious answer. I've had some really bad experiences with other mums at school hence the question.

That's crap I'm sorry you went through what you did.

is this from a teachers perspective or a parent's?

either way I have answered it above.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:51

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:45

It's ok. I don't want to stop answering any posts incase I get accused of ignoring something but as I can't delete the thread not sure what to do.

This has been done several times before. You will get many decent posters who ask legitimate questions but you will also find posters who ask questions designed to make Islam look like a hateful and backward religion. They’re the ones who conveniently forget that Christianity and Judaism have similar views on homosexuality.

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:53

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:10

Yes twice. Both on a Muslim dating app. Not the conventional way.

So you've been married twice and divorced (?)

Is the partner you live with now and have a child with, Muslim too and do you think you'll marry him also?

I guess I'm asking if marriage is important to you due to your religion?

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:54

RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:51

This has been done several times before. You will get many decent posters who ask legitimate questions but you will also find posters who ask questions designed to make Islam look like a hateful and backward religion. They’re the ones who conveniently forget that Christianity and Judaism have similar views on homosexuality.

So what do Muslims think about homosexuality? OP didn’t answer my question earlier on.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:54

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:51

That's crap I'm sorry you went through what you did.

is this from a teachers perspective or a parent's?

either way I have answered it above.

If it helps I have had crappy experiences too from school mums when they found out I was a divorcee...

OP posts:
WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:54

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:54

So what do Muslims think about homosexuality? OP didn’t answer my question earlier on.

I'm not sure? What are you views on homosexuality?

OP posts:
HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:56

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:54

I'm not sure? What are you views on homosexuality?

Live and let live, I say.

Screamingabdabz · 23/02/2025 00:56

marsunin · 23/02/2025 00:37

That's because nowhere in the Quran does it say that a man’s word is worth ten times more than a woman’s. That’s simply not true. The only verse that mentions a difference in testimony in a specific legal context is Surah Al-Baqarah (2:282), which states:

"And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if there are not two men [available], then a man and two women from those whom you accept as witnesses—so that if one of the women errs, the other can remind her..." (Quran 2:282)

This verse is only about financial contracts and does not apply to all testimony. It does not say that a man’s testimony is worth ten times that of a woman’s or that women are less trustworthy. Instead, it simply provides a practical safeguard for accuracy in a field that, at the time, women were less familiar with.

This verse (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:282) is often misunderstood as implying that women are less intelligent or trustworthy than men, but that’s not the case at all. The reasoning behind requiring two female witnesses in financial contracts is practical, not discriminatory—and it makes perfect sense when you look at the historical and social context.

Back in 7th-century Arabia, financial transactions, trade, and business dealings were almost entirely male-dominated fields. Men were out in the markets, negotiating contracts, handling debts, and managing trade routes. Women, on the other hand, were largely focused on family and household responsibilities, which meant they had far less exposure to complex financial agreements. Naturally, someone who isn’t deeply familiar with a subject is more likely to misremember or misunderstand certain details, not because they’re less capable, but simply because they haven’t had as much experience in that field.
That’s exactly why the verse says:
"…so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her."

It’s not saying women are unreliable—it’s recognizing that memory recall is often tied to familiarity and experience. In societies where women weren’t typically involved in business, it made sense to have two of them confirm details with each other to ensure accuracy. This is actually a built-in safeguard, not a statement about value or worth.
And here’s the important part: this rule applies only to financial contracts—not to all testimony. In fact, there are cases in Islamic law where a woman's testimony is completely equal to a man's, or even stronger. For example, in Surah An-Nur (24:6-9), a woman’s word alone can override a man’s accusation in cases of adultery. And let’s not forget that some of the most trusted narrators of Hadith (the sayings of the Prophet) were women, including Aisha (RA), whose testimony is foundational in Islamic scholarship.

Now, fast forward to today: women are just as active in finance, business, and law as men. Many Islamic scholars argue that since the original reasoning was tied to familiarity with financial matters, and that factor has changed, the rule should be applied differently in modern contexts. And in fact, many Muslim-majority countries now recognize women's testimony as fully equal in legal matters.

So, to sum it up: this verse wasn’t about saying a woman’s word is worth less than a man’s. It was about ensuring accuracy in an area where, at the time, women generally had less experience. It was a practical rule designed for fairness, not discrimination. And as societies evolve, the core Islamic principle remains—justice above all.

Also, Islam does not say that women are responsible for men’s lust. In fact, the responsibility falls on men themselves to control their desires, lower their gaze, and act with self-restraint. The idea that women are to blame for men’s inability to control their desires is a misunderstanding of Islamic teachings and goes against what is actually taught in the Quran and Hadith.

The Quran is clear that the first instruction regarding modesty is directed at men. In Surah An-Nur (24:30-31), Allah commands the men to lower their gaze before addressing women:

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do." (Quran 24:30)

Only after this does the Quran instruct women to dress modestly. This shows that the primary responsibility for controlling lustful behavior lies with men. It's a clear call for men to manage their own actions rather than blame others.
Some people claim that Islam’s teachings on modesty in women’s dress imply that men can’t be blamed for their desires if women don’t dress modestly. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Islam does not justify men acting on their desires or harassing women based on how they dress.

The Prophet Muhammad said:
"The strong person is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls themselves when angry." (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114, Sahih Muslim 2609)
This includes controlling desires. Islam teaches that men are responsible for their own actions. If a man fails to control himself, he is accountable for his actions, and cannot shift the blame onto women for his lack of self-restraint.
A common Hadith that gets misused to blame women for men’s lust goes like this:
"I have not left behind any trial (fitnah) more harmful to men than women." (Sahih al-Bukhari 5096, Sahih Muslim 2740)
While it’s true that the Prophet acknowledged that desire for the opposite sex is a challenge for many men, this doesn’t mean women are to blame. The word “fitnah” here refers to a test, not something inherently evil. Men’s desires are the test, and they are expected to control them, not blame women for their own lack of control.

The Quran is clear about personal responsibility:
"And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another." (Quran 6:164)
This means that if a man allows himself to act on lustful feelings or engages in inappropriate behavior, he is responsible for his actions. A man cannot say, "She made me do it." That’s a failure to take responsibility for his own desires and actions.
One of the strongest proofs that Islam does not blame women for men’s lust is in the area of sexual assault. In Islam, a woman’s testimony alone is enough in cases of sexual violence. This demonstrates that Islam takes these matters seriously and does not place blame on the victim.
In cases of rape or assault, a woman’s word, along with evidence (like medical reports or injuries), is sufficient for conviction. Requiring multiple witnesses would make it nearly impossible for a victim to find justice, so Islam allows for a woman’s testimony to be enough in these cases. This shows that Islam supports the victim, ensuring justice rather than protecting the perpetrator.

Thank you for this considerate and comprehensive response. I just wonder if this needs to be communicated to the many Islamic countries, sharia courts and even in the masjid then, where it appears that women are not treated on a parity with their Muslim brothers.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:56

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:53

So you've been married twice and divorced (?)

Is the partner you live with now and have a child with, Muslim too and do you think you'll marry him also?

I guess I'm asking if marriage is important to you due to your religion?

Marriage is essential before babies and sex yes. I don't believe in sex before marriage no.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:57

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:54

So what do Muslims think about homosexuality? OP didn’t answer my question earlier on.

Well I am massively outraged and disgusted by homophobia or any mistreatment of those who are gay or lesbian because of their sexuality. As long as people are happy and safe, their relationship is of no concern to me.

Any more questions?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:58

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:56

Live and let live, I say.

Snap. My bf is a lesbian.

OP posts:
marsunin · 23/02/2025 00:59

Screamingabdabz · 23/02/2025 00:56

Thank you for this considerate and comprehensive response. I just wonder if this needs to be communicated to the many Islamic countries, sharia courts and even in the masjid then, where it appears that women are not treated on a parity with their Muslim brothers.

Fully agree! It's a sad reality in too many cultures nowadays.

PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:59

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:51

That's crap I'm sorry you went through what you did.

is this from a teachers perspective or a parent's?

either way I have answered it above.

As a parent. Gay teachers are somewhat protected by the Equality Act, but there is no law that makes parents be nice to each other at the school gates (nor should there be!) Which is why I asked the question as to how you'd react to a gay parent in your child's class and I can see that you answered that you work with a lot of young people and you'd treat a young person you worked with equally.

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:59

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:56

Marriage is essential before babies and sex yes. I don't believe in sex before marriage no.

I didn't ask if you believe in sex before marriage but since you mentioned it, how come you have a child with a man you're not married to then? 😳

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 01:01

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:59

I didn't ask if you believe in sex before marriage but since you mentioned it, how come you have a child with a man you're not married to then? 😳

You're so invested I love it! Im
Islamically married but in the eyes of the law I'm living in sin.

OP posts:
PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 01:01

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:54

If it helps I have had crappy experiences too from school mums when they found out I was a divorcee...

It does help actually - not quite sure why but the divorcees and single parents and gay parents at my child's school tend to gravitate to each other away from the sanctimonious crowd!

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 01:02

PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:59

As a parent. Gay teachers are somewhat protected by the Equality Act, but there is no law that makes parents be nice to each other at the school gates (nor should there be!) Which is why I asked the question as to how you'd react to a gay parent in your child's class and I can see that you answered that you work with a lot of young people and you'd treat a young person you worked with equally.

i misunderstood I thought you were asking what I would do if I was a teacher and had a child with a lesbian / gay couple not as a parent.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 01:03

marsunin · 23/02/2025 00:59

Fully agree! It's a sad reality in too many cultures nowadays.

Edited

Islam’s biggest problem is Muslims (and non-Muslims) confusing culture and religion. There were some cultures I just knew I would never be able to marry into because those boundaries are too blurred.

MiserableMrsMopp · 23/02/2025 01:07

I work with quite a few Muslim young people. My experience so far, with only a few exceptions, is that the girls are incredibly motivated and hard working but the boys are lazy.

Is this just the batch of teenagers I'm coming into contact with, or is this representative.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 01:11

MiserableMrsMopp · 23/02/2025 01:07

I work with quite a few Muslim young people. My experience so far, with only a few exceptions, is that the girls are incredibly motivated and hard working but the boys are lazy.

Is this just the batch of teenagers I'm coming into contact with, or is this representative.

I think what you've described is typically teenagers. Nothing to do with religion I would guess.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 01:12

MiserableMrsMopp · 23/02/2025 01:07

I work with quite a few Muslim young people. My experience so far, with only a few exceptions, is that the girls are incredibly motivated and hard working but the boys are lazy.

Is this just the batch of teenagers I'm coming into contact with, or is this representative.

Just the batch you’re dealing with. The majority of men in my extended family and friends are motivated and have all worked hard to become doctors, some other consulting job in the medical field or engineers.

Also, putting aside religion, isn’t that common amongst teenagers - teenage boys tend to be lazy but teenage girls work hard…

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2025 01:13

Where I live I'd say around 40% of people are Muslim. My best friend is Muslim and so are my next door neighbours.
I think practicing Christians are probably harder to find in many places, especially among younger age groups.
So I can't really think of any questions I'd need answering. It just sounds unremarkable.