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AMA

A Muslim Female in UK Questiontime

242 replies

WhoevenamIinlife · 22/02/2025 23:11

To help those who need educating. Fire away.

OP posts:
WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:29

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 23/02/2025 00:27

Yab ridiculous… a female Muslim in the UK is hardly unusual. Posting in this way is not necessary

I know it was tongue in cheek initially because some people actually talk on behalf of Muslims and ignore the voice offered to them!

OP posts:
Clavinova · 23/02/2025 00:29

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:22

I have no issues with Jews. I get anxious when I come across a visible Jew in my daily contact because it's obvious I'm a Muslim and I wonder if they have views about me that I won't get the opportunity to address.

In what way is it obvious you are a Muslim if you don't cover?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:30

marsunin · 23/02/2025 00:26

Where does the Quran say that a man's word is worth ten more than women?

I don't know tbh - I'm sure it's culture based experience back in pre Islamic Arabia.

OP posts:
ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:30

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 23/02/2025 00:27

Yab ridiculous… a female Muslim in the UK is hardly unusual. Posting in this way is not necessary

Yep, it screams arrogance, like we're all going to say 'Oh do please educate us oh great anonymous internet poster' 🙄

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:31

Clavinova · 23/02/2025 00:29

In what way is it obvious you are a Muslim if you don't cover?

My name, my details. (My gp is a Jew).

OP posts:
WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:32

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:30

Yep, it screams arrogance, like we're all going to say 'Oh do please educate us oh great anonymous internet poster' 🙄

Not at all it was a reactive response to another thread and tbh I did try deleting it and I thought I had but here we are.

OP posts:
HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:33

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:31

My name, my details. (My gp is a Jew).

So you get anxious when you go to your GP because he is Jewish and he knows you are a Muslim?

Echobowels · 23/02/2025 00:33

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:22

I have no issues with Jews. I get anxious when I come across a visible Jew in my daily contact because it's obvious I'm a Muslim and I wonder if they have views about me that I won't get the opportunity to address.

Hi, OP. I am Jewish and have the same anxiety re. Muslims' views about me. It's so sad, isn't it? I wish you well.

PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:35

I'm a lesbian mum - how would you react if my child was in your child's class?

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:35

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:32

Not at all it was a reactive response to another thread and tbh I did try deleting it and I thought I had but here we are.

I did try deleting it and I thought I had but here we are

What made you think you had, given there's no option to delete your own thread? 😳

GildedRage · 23/02/2025 00:36

were you born into a muslim family?
why do you choose to practice the muslim faith and if you could choose another faith which would you choose?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:36

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:33

So you get anxious when you go to your GP because he is Jewish and he knows you are a Muslim?

I get anxious about not having the opportunity to address any thoughts he may (or may not) have. I mean spend a day on MN and you feel quite crap if your belong to some groups.
I mean I was asked about Jews in particular. So it's fair to say I can think the same about him being a Muslim no?

OP posts:
WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:36

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:35

I did try deleting it and I thought I had but here we are

What made you think you had, given there's no option to delete your own thread? 😳

I'm sure there is. I have done in the past...? 😱

OP posts:
marsunin · 23/02/2025 00:37

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:30

I don't know tbh - I'm sure it's culture based experience back in pre Islamic Arabia.

That's because nowhere in the Quran does it say that a man’s word is worth ten times more than a woman’s. That’s simply not true. The only verse that mentions a difference in testimony in a specific legal context is Surah Al-Baqarah (2:282), which states:

"And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if there are not two men [available], then a man and two women from those whom you accept as witnesses—so that if one of the women errs, the other can remind her..." (Quran 2:282)

This verse is only about financial contracts and does not apply to all testimony. It does not say that a man’s testimony is worth ten times that of a woman’s or that women are less trustworthy. Instead, it simply provides a practical safeguard for accuracy in a field that, at the time, women were less familiar with.

This verse (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:282) is often misunderstood as implying that women are less intelligent or trustworthy than men, but that’s not the case at all. The reasoning behind requiring two female witnesses in financial contracts is practical, not discriminatory—and it makes perfect sense when you look at the historical and social context.

Back in 7th-century Arabia, financial transactions, trade, and business dealings were almost entirely male-dominated fields. Men were out in the markets, negotiating contracts, handling debts, and managing trade routes. Women, on the other hand, were largely focused on family and household responsibilities, which meant they had far less exposure to complex financial agreements. Naturally, someone who isn’t deeply familiar with a subject is more likely to misremember or misunderstand certain details, not because they’re less capable, but simply because they haven’t had as much experience in that field.
That’s exactly why the verse says:
"…so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her."

It’s not saying women are unreliable—it’s recognizing that memory recall is often tied to familiarity and experience. In societies where women weren’t typically involved in business, it made sense to have two of them confirm details with each other to ensure accuracy. This is actually a built-in safeguard, not a statement about value or worth.
And here’s the important part: this rule applies only to financial contracts—not to all testimony. In fact, there are cases in Islamic law where a woman's testimony is completely equal to a man's, or even stronger. For example, in Surah An-Nur (24:6-9), a woman’s word alone can override a man’s accusation in cases of adultery. And let’s not forget that some of the most trusted narrators of Hadith (the sayings of the Prophet) were women, including Aisha (RA), whose testimony is foundational in Islamic scholarship.

Now, fast forward to today: women are just as active in finance, business, and law as men. Many Islamic scholars argue that since the original reasoning was tied to familiarity with financial matters, and that factor has changed, the rule should be applied differently in modern contexts. And in fact, many Muslim-majority countries now recognize women's testimony as fully equal in legal matters.

So, to sum it up: this verse wasn’t about saying a woman’s word is worth less than a man’s. It was about ensuring accuracy in an area where, at the time, women generally had less experience. It was a practical rule designed for fairness, not discrimination. And as societies evolve, the core Islamic principle remains—justice above all.

Also, Islam does not say that women are responsible for men’s lust. In fact, the responsibility falls on men themselves to control their desires, lower their gaze, and act with self-restraint. The idea that women are to blame for men’s inability to control their desires is a misunderstanding of Islamic teachings and goes against what is actually taught in the Quran and Hadith.

The Quran is clear that the first instruction regarding modesty is directed at men. In Surah An-Nur (24:30-31), Allah commands the men to lower their gaze before addressing women:

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do." (Quran 24:30)

Only after this does the Quran instruct women to dress modestly. This shows that the primary responsibility for controlling lustful behavior lies with men. It's a clear call for men to manage their own actions rather than blame others.
Some people claim that Islam’s teachings on modesty in women’s dress imply that men can’t be blamed for their desires if women don’t dress modestly. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Islam does not justify men acting on their desires or harassing women based on how they dress.

The Prophet Muhammad said:
"The strong person is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls themselves when angry." (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114, Sahih Muslim 2609)
This includes controlling desires. Islam teaches that men are responsible for their own actions. If a man fails to control himself, he is accountable for his actions, and cannot shift the blame onto women for his lack of self-restraint.
A common Hadith that gets misused to blame women for men’s lust goes like this:
"I have not left behind any trial (fitnah) more harmful to men than women." (Sahih al-Bukhari 5096, Sahih Muslim 2740)
While it’s true that the Prophet acknowledged that desire for the opposite sex is a challenge for many men, this doesn’t mean women are to blame. The word “fitnah” here refers to a test, not something inherently evil. Men’s desires are the test, and they are expected to control them, not blame women for their own lack of control.

The Quran is clear about personal responsibility:
"And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another." (Quran 6:164)
This means that if a man allows himself to act on lustful feelings or engages in inappropriate behavior, he is responsible for his actions. A man cannot say, "She made me do it." That’s a failure to take responsibility for his own desires and actions.
One of the strongest proofs that Islam does not blame women for men’s lust is in the area of sexual assault. In Islam, a woman’s testimony alone is enough in cases of sexual violence. This demonstrates that Islam takes these matters seriously and does not place blame on the victim.
In cases of rape or assault, a woman’s word, along with evidence (like medical reports or injuries), is sufficient for conviction. Requiring multiple witnesses would make it nearly impossible for a victim to find justice, so Islam allows for a woman’s testimony to be enough in these cases. This shows that Islam supports the victim, ensuring justice rather than protecting the perpetrator.

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:37

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:36

I'm sure there is. I have done in the past...? 😱

Nope.

Not on Mumsnet.

But what did you click earlier to make you think you'd deleted this actual thread?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:38

PosyFossilsShoes · 23/02/2025 00:35

I'm a lesbian mum - how would you react if my child was in your child's class?

is this a serious question?

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:39

Echobowels · 23/02/2025 00:33

Hi, OP. I am Jewish and have the same anxiety re. Muslims' views about me. It's so sad, isn't it? I wish you well.

It’s really sad. I’m Muslim and I live in a very Jewish area. Some of my neighbours have actively blanked us since they found out and are hostile to our children. I was always raised to treat Jews as brothers and sisters and always loved that we have so many similarities but instead we’re now at the point of having to sell up and move because I can’t live like this for the next 50 years.

Sending you love and to all my other Jewish and Muslim sisters who live in fear and anxiety.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:39

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:37

Nope.

Not on Mumsnet.

But what did you click earlier to make you think you'd deleted this actual thread?

This has genuinely thrown me. I deleted something. Not sure what now.

OP posts:
HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:40

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:38

is this a serious question?

Why wouldn’t it be? And why haven’t you answered it?

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:41

GildedRage · 23/02/2025 00:36

were you born into a muslim family?
why do you choose to practice the muslim faith and if you could choose another faith which would you choose?

Yes to born Muslim.
Islam to me is the thing that gives me most comfort and has seen me through my darkest days.
I have no need to chose another faith.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:41

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:40

Why wouldn’t it be? And why haven’t you answered it?

Edited

All your posts on this thread have been goady so it’s hard to take you seriously.

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:42

RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:41

All your posts on this thread have been goady so it’s hard to take you seriously.

Erm it wasn’t me asking the question 🤨

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:44

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:40

Why wouldn’t it be? And why haven’t you answered it?

Edited

Because not sure what you're expecting to hear.

Forget you the parent being a lesbian.

I work with YP on a very personal level. Most my YP currently identify as non binary and refer to themselves by all types of sexuality.

i treat those YP like I do my own. Within professional boundaries of course. And I can tell you that I am for some on my YP their favourite adult in the work place.

OP posts:
RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:44

HelloAgain2025 · 23/02/2025 00:42

Erm it wasn’t me asking the question 🤨

My mistake, but my post still stands.

WhoevenamIinlife · 23/02/2025 00:45

RainingRoses · 23/02/2025 00:44

My mistake, but my post still stands.

It's ok. I don't want to stop answering any posts incase I get accused of ignoring something but as I can't delete the thread not sure what to do.

OP posts: