I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

NEWSENMUM maybe because it is something that is so destructive to so many innocent victims as well as the drinkers, but so common unfortunately as alcohol is considered socially acceptable.

I'm hoping you are still reading this .
Your prerogative not to answer these comments . But truthfully and hopefully you can see that the truth hurts .
Maybe you are not replying because this has made you angry and defensive feeling . Maybe you think we have it all wrong.

But deep down , if not for your sake , but for the sake of your children and husband , you do need to take the massive step to curb your drinking and then stop drinking completely ( I don't know if it's bad to stop immediately , please check that out )

Get help for whatever made you start , there is no shame in admitting to ourselves we have a problem . Tell a trusted friend , family member of even your Dr or an online / telephone call to a charity set up to help.
I'll repeat , there is no shame attached , do it for yourself and those around you who you love and they love back.
Start today .

Your children are 3 and 1 and are totally dependent on you. They don't deserve this.

Addicts know they are addicts, they don't get a sudden epiphany just because someone pointed it out. My sister was an alcoholic (2 years sober) there is nothing any of us could have done at the time, confronting her would have lead to alienating her which would have been even more disastrous. An adult who is not ready nor wanting to stop drinking won't.
It took the shock of being arrested and banned from driving for my sister to finally turn her life around. At the AA meetings it is common place for people to share their stories and most people reach absolute rock bottom before they get a wake up call to change.

Some of the posts are heartbreaking, such as the one just up from yours about the 27 year old woman who is at end of life. So many sad, desperate and angry insights from the perspective of children of alcoholics too.

I believe my partner is an alcoholic, even though he doesn't drink every day and very much 'chooses' when to drink but, as a PP just above said, the first drink changes him, it's in his eyes and in his behaviour and personality. My children see it and I resent him for it.

I too sincerely hope the OP gets the help she needs and, crucially, wants.

That could just be acid reflux if it's up high in the middle of your upper back. I say 'just' only because it's probably more likely (and thankfully usually less serious) than it being liver or kidney related, but it's still not good, is it? And if it carries on it could turn into Barratts Oesophagus, which is often a precursor to oesophageal cancer. So you still want to stop it, don't you?

Kidneys? Can be mistaken for "back pain"

Why do you feel it is more likely in someone who downs half a bottle of vodka and 4 cocktails a day? As I don’t.

Because acid reflux is extremely common and alcohol is a massive trigger for it. And it's often felt as pain the upper back.

As is liver disease in alcoholics. I’m still not seeing your point. You cannot diagnose someone and tell them it’s ok like this, if the op doesn’t see a doctor As she just thinks it’s acid reflux, then the consequences are unthinkable.

I didn't 'diagnose' her any more than people telling her it might be liver or kidney related diagnosed her. I put forward another suggestion for her back pain which may well be caused by her excessive alcohol intake and could potentially be very serious if she doesn't stop. At no point did I reassure her that it was 'okay' to have this and not to bother getting it checked out.

I drank too much for 35 years
Both parents killed themselves with alcohol
1 day I woke up to myself and realised I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
Not a drop now for 15 years
it was hard but just keep putting one foot in front of the other for an hour at a time.
You CAN do it ,
Please believe me there is life beyond alcohol

I had an alcoholic mother, pretty much destroyed my childhood and my relationship with her. Could never bring friends home, never knew how she would be. My emotions ranged from embarrassment, to anger and fear and everything else in between. My sister had a bad relationship with alcohol as well when she was younger as did I. Not now though. We never knew why she drunk herself into oblivion on an almost daily basis. Please get help for yourself and your family

My mum was an alcoholic. I think this started after my dad died when I was 12.

I'd get home from school and find a note on the door from a neighbour or a local shopkeeper, telling me my mum was with them as she had not been able to make it home and they had taken her in!

She remarried and went on to have 4 more children, but the drinking, if anything, got worse.

She gave birth to her last child when she was 44, then had a catastrophic stroke a week later and was more or less in a coma for 18 months before she died.

She smoked like a chimney and drunk like a fish and it caught up with her in the end.

My youngest brother never knew his mum - all because of too much booze.
My children never met their grandmother - all because of too much booze.

PLEASE GET HELP

I was becoming an alcoholic, you just have to gradually reduce the amount each day.

I would start with some therapy so you can look at the hows and whys and I would also find an AA meeting where you can at least get out of the isolation of your addiction for an hour and begin the next steps (no pun intended). I wish you the very best of luck with this. If you can’t find a meeting you can find one online. I beg you to try the above with an open mind. The alternative is misery. Good luck.

No one can make you change or give up drinking until you are ready to do so. The reason can only come from inside you, no one else can influence you. My husband was a secret alcoholic and was admitted to intensive care after a tonic clonic fit. He never came out and died last year. It’s your choice not to inflict that pain on those who love you, and the pain is considerable. Please think about asking for help, I am sure that everyone here hopes you will have a successful recovery and live a long, happy and healthy life with your family. I do.

if you are in the UK please reach out to your health visitor, they can refer you for support. If you feel you can’t face reaching out for help, start attending AA meetings. Admitting it to yourself is the first step x

I work for a mental health trust and have recently been talking to some of the people who use our alcohol services. There are different kinds of help available, depending on what you want to do (get it under control/completely stop etc). Maybe something like Drink Coach might offer telephone sessions to see what your triggers are and what might help you? https://drinkcoach.org.uk/

Your children are still very young and it's hard! If they don't go already, could you think about a day in nursery a week, so you can get involved in something for yourself? Running, volunteering, a choir - whatever - something where you'll be sharing time with friendly adults?

OP call the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) helpline 0800 917 7650
Someone will talk to you and share their experience and tell you what they did to get sober.
You'll be guided to meetings and will talk to other Mum's who've faced the same struggles and will hear how they have found sobriety.
Youll make new friends too.
You are not alone.

Think about your health

Your kids deserve a healthy mum. Not one with liver damage

Have you seen this?

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0025fyj

You are taking the first step by acknowledging thay you need help. That must have been difficult, however if you're prepared to change you're half way there!
In the first instance speak to your GP.
Do you feel you could discuss with your husband? A problem shared is a problem halved?
Could you use the money you'd use for alcohol for activities for you and the children (this may help with a distraction?).
Good luck OP, you'll get there!

@SugarPlumpFairyCakes I drank from age 15 onwards pretty much daily. If you drink more than three drinks five days a week for ten years apparently you will almost certainly have a degree of liver disease. If you cut down or stop drinking all is not lost. It's never too late to try and get healthy. X

Hi OP I am the adult child of an alcoholic father. My life is an absolute nightmare as is my sisters due to trauma, PTSD and various terrible situations. Part of being an alcoholic is thinking you’re functioning and no one knows. Of course they know. If you think you are functioning completely normal on half a bottle of vodka and 3 cocktails I’m sorry but you’re not. I could go on but there’s not enough time or space on the internet to list the things my dads done to me and my sister. I think if you know you’re drinking too much and if you think you’ve got a problem you owe it to your kids to seek help. At least you have recognised there’s a problem.

I'm not an alcoholic, but I get this too - drinking makes my bad back noticeably worse. I think it kicks up an inflammatory response or something.

Not a healthcare professional either so no actual insight.