I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

And how would that help people taking their first steps in getting help? Particularly while we agree that there are is long term damage to children but absolutely no evidence here of immediate danger. There is nothing for ‘the authorities’ to act on meanwhile we drive something underground which could’ve been fixed a long time before it got critical.

A family member was a secret alcoholic. We didn’t know until they were in a coma. They sadly died and it wasn’t pretty.

their adult child now lives with us and is quietly very traumatised.

please seek help. That relative never did and it causes pain every day as they would have had so much love and support

My mum is an alcoholic, functioning. Drinks at night. I think it's bringing on early onset dementia. She is not a nice mum when she's had a drink. She's been an alcoholic as long as I can remember and it's destroyed my memories of my childhood. She also has depression and won't do anything about it. My ex partner of 40 is an alcoholic, he has blood clots stomach problems, failing liver and has nearly died at least 3 times from alcohol. He won't change because he doesn't have a problem. He lost everyone because of his lies and behaviour . He's struggled to held down a job and has drove under the influence even knowing I lost a partner in a RTA. He is also in 1000's of pounds worth of debt.
My ex will be lucky to make it to his next birthday, and my mum has heart disease from a heart attack due to poor choices.
I hope you get the help and support you need.

Unfortunately some people are more suspectable than others to liver disease. She wasn't lying about her drinking, it's truly unlucky some people can suffer at such low levels of chronic drinking whilst others can drink more. But that's the way it is with heart and lung conditions too. That's why you're recommended to have alcohol free days as well. Livers can't take the chronic strain in some people. The lady and her family were utterly horrified

OP please do use this as the start of a new chapter in your life. School parents and staff will notice, your kids will eventually notice. Change before that happens. My mum was a functioning alcoholic. When the kids gets older and do normal kid things that irritate you and your drunk you might be more likely to loose control of your words and actions.

I remember my youngest being about 6 & 8 and one of them opened the kitchen cupboard to step up and get sweets in a high cupboard. The shelf snapped and I'm not exaggerating when I say they smashed every bowl and plate we owned. I sat quietly while my teen cleaned it up. If that had been me as child my mother would have beaten me then told my dad who would have punished me again as he didn't know mum beat me. Rather than be fuming quietly while my teen sorted it out, I'm dealing with my memories and wondering what stopped her killing me in moments like this. She drank because of her demons who live in my head now. I'm sure at some point she swore to herself she would never hurt us too.

Don't go there. The longer you carry on, the more you need, the closer you creep to being pissed and loosing control.

Your so much better than this. You deserve so much better than this.

I really don't.

Either way, the OP clearly needs help.

Sore backs when you drink can be a sign of liver of kidney damage. Where is the pain?

Hi OP. I've had two 10-year periods in my life addicted to alcohol: teens to mid twenties then mid-thirties to mid forties. I drank maybe a bottle and a half of wine 3 times a week in those periods while holding down a professional job and 'functioning'.

I guess you posted here because you know you're not functioning. You've had some great pointers to resources here and I second the advice to begin posting on the alcohol support threads here - friendly, non-judgemental online support helped me become sober: I do think total sobriety is the way to get free of alcohol and is actually easier than trying to moderate but I also believe all alcohol-free days are good. If you can afford counselling with a person-centred counsellor I'd also recommend that support.

You say you've been doing this since you were sixteen. Alcohol is a depressant so you've been looking at the world through its influence. It could be great to be finally free of it.

Wishing you all the best on your recovery.

Wishing you all the best on your recovery.

My mother was like you. She died aged 62, sepsis from a belly full of fluid from her liver.
She’d spent the previous 10+ years a shaking, yellow, vomiting mess whose teeth all fell out along with her hair. She had no relationship with her only grandchildren as quite honestly she frightened them and I didn’t want them exposed to what I put up with as a child.
You might think you’re functioning now, you won’t always be like that and I promise you it’s so slow and insidious you won’t even notice until you’re extremely ill and everyone around you hates you for what you’ve become.

Your kids are so young OP, if you stop now they can have a childhood unblighted by alcoholism. My drinking was a crutch to help me through horrible anxiety, and it sounds like you’re using it to cope with the loss of your mother. You deserve help and support with that, not to have to self medicate with drink. Your life really can be so much better I promise.

I came to say this, I know people who drink like this and they're in their 80s!! Most people at my work drink this amount, it's fairly normal. Not that I agree with it either.

So sad to read all the stories from posters whose parent(s) drank themselves to an early death ( or are on that course) , and the damage it has done. Don’t know what to advise OP except to say you need to get alcohol completely out of your life, or it will destroy you. My dad found his sister dead from alcoholism in her bed sit. The alcoholism has definitely hurt and damaged my cousins, especially the youngest who has attached himself to some very damaged women, I believe in a subconscious attempt to rescue his mother.

My neighbour was a functional alcoholic. He looked perfectly fine, until he was rushed into hospital a few times. His liver started shutting down, he looked bloated and bright yellow. He died last year because his body shut down he was only 52. His wife gave up alcohol since. Shame really, he was such a nice man. I feel sorry for his children, growing up without a father. Bit selfish of him really. Bit like you? The only way you're going to stop, is if you tell your husband and family. Otherwise you're always going to keep doing it, because you think you can, and no-one will know.

That has made me remember my dad, who had a skilled manual job and who went to the pub every lunchtime, probably a couple of pints but he stank (he also went out at the weekend but that was for longer). He'd collect me from school and he would stink of beer, I hated it, I knew it wasn't right as other parents didn't smell like that and I was really ashamed.

Also remember my mum being so drunk on new years eve that she slid down the wall and had to go to bed, we were at their friends house and she was vomiting all over the bed and then we had to go home. Oh and her still being drunk in the morning one day and fell in the bathroom and banged her head and I was made to ring her work and lie that she was ill. She didn't drink every day she just got very drunk when she did.

Well done for posting and wanting to change your life. Both my parents were alcoholics. They probably thought people didn't know... Everyone knew. It's the heaviest thing I carry with me in my life. Please, please - reach out to someone in real life and make a plan. Things can only get much, much better

As the child of an alcoholic let me give you my perspective....

My dad is an alcoholic. He has been sober for 24 years to the best of my knowledge but he will always be an alcoholic.

My childhood was not totally horrific. But looking back inwas severely traumatised by my dad's drinking and it has done untold damage to me both as an adult and to my relationship with with other people and with alcohol.

My dad was OK as a dad. He wasn't about much as he worked long hours and was often abroad (not forces). But he had an evil steak and I was always his target. Never mum of my sister.

My mum is an apologist and an enabler. She helped hide his drinking a lot. Our relationship is appalling as a result. Even in my mid 40's I harbour anger and resentment towards her.

My dad attacked me with words, and occasionally fists. But words were worse. Marks healed and in the 80's no one cared that you got a wallop as long as it was explained away as punishment for being naughty. Words were infinitely worse and did far more damage.

She has excused him, told me I had imagined it and shut me down as "he was just ill".

Let me tell you. If you do not stop while your children are still young enough to not really know you will damage them.

If they truly are your world then allow them to be the motivation to get help.

Join an AA meeting, get a sponsor etc. But you have to stop completely. It's not a case of "ooh I can just have 1" because it won't ever just be 1.

I’ve read your post and your updates.

You aren’t a “fun Mum” you are a “drunk Mum”.

You are being irresponsible.

Your inhibitions are lower due to alcohol, which will increase your perception of risk.

Your children are too young to seek help should something go wrong.

My brother died, aged 56, from alcoholism. He left 2 teenage children. I was with him in the hospital when he realised he was going to die. He was terrified. Over the next few days his brain and his speech deteriorated until he could barely speak. His children were in the US with their mother and could not visit because of Covid. No one really believes this is how their life will end , until it is too late. It’s hard to beat, but the sooner you get help the better. Please don’t leave it any longer.

Hugs @Iamoldandwearpurple . If you feel like it Al Anon for families might be worth thinking about (there are equivalents if the Al Anon ethos doesn’t vibe with you). I went to them as an older bint, they don’t have a time limit.

Oh fuck, these human stories....
😢❤️

I had a couple of alcoholics in my family, it wasn't nice, worse for them.
I binge drank in the past, disgraced myself,
was a disgusting mess couple of times.
All because of a false "coping strategy".
Now alcohol free for 6 years.

Please, people, be strong for yourselves (I'm not saying for your spouses or even children, it must be you).

I have read the OP's posts, but not the whole thread.

Usually there is something that precipitates someone to take action on a habit like alcohol. People move from denying they have a problem, to wondering if they should do something about it, to wanting to make a change.

Asking for help from your GP is a good first step (if you can get an appointment).

There should be a community service in your area where you can get help and your GP might be able to direct you there.

If someone is drinking every day, it is not a good idea to stop suddenly, and especially without support. There is a risk of becoming acutely very unwell with unpleasant complications.

If you can cut down your current drinking by half though, that is often a good first step. and of course, get advice and support about that as soon as you can.

A counsellor in this field would help you think through strategies for how to deal with different situations in which you might nornally drink, and cope to cope with these sober.

Good luck!

Reality check here. Do you want to see your children grow up? A very dear friend of mine turned to drink after leaving an abusive relationship, she died at 41 of alcohol induced seizures, leaving a 10 year old daughter with no mother! Phone your GP in the morning get an urgent appointment and discuss your alcoholism with him. The amount you are drinking will be doing irreversible damage to your liver.

Do you realise that most people you speak to know you are an alcoholic?
Its not secret I’m afraid.