I HAVE TOTALLY STUFFED UP MY LIFE

[StillNoSense]

Terrible background and growing up
No confidence in own abilities
Thought I’d never get a boyfriend
Bullied at school
Thought I was ugly
Tried to start relationships with sports stars and actors
Abused by a boy band member though I walked right into it
Married someone within weeks though I knew there were red flags but someone wanted me so I jumped
Wasn’t happy and tried to escape and had a few chaste dates with another man, husband found out and beat me up and never let me forget my misdemeanours
Looked for a knight in shining armour to get me out
Constantly in debt but on the way out of it
Snakes and ladders with houses because of picking wrong men and careers through picking wrong jobs
Upset when others get on in career
Started relationship with married man went on for years knew it was wrong but felt guilty ending it
Slept with someone because I felt guilty and sorry for him and got pregnant and terminated it
Married man left me because I was a cheat and then policed me
Fell in love with one of my students and made an idiot of myself
Spent loads of money on psychics
I’m a total STUFF UP

Ask me anything about it!

I guess AMA stands for 'avoid my advice' in this case.

Refreshingly modest, compared with the usual AMA vibe.

@Cuckoochanel80 Why not, it was me that made the choices.

"Married man left me because I was a cheat..."

Sounds like a man with high standards... for others!

@KeepYourFingersOutOfMySoup No debts and a good life seeing friends, no relationships. The student was clearly just using me for grades. I didn't sleep with him and I thank God I didn't. I bought him expensive birthday presents too. I feel so ashamed. This was after I had ceased to teach him though and he was on a gap year. He used to flirt with me in the classroom.

I asked psychics if I would get to be with the man I wanted - this varied between the student and the athlete (the second time around). Also an older guy from an earlier band who I liked when he was young. I tracked him down. Also an ex who I connected with on messenger and that turned horrible. I wanted to know what I had done wrong that they didn't want me. How stupid.

Early 50s.

No, absolutely not. I would not put myself in the same position.

@FiatEarth Thank you.

@Mariannas Not my finest hour no. Nothing ever happened between us. But I spent a lot of time daydreaming and in tears. Ridiculous.

50s

@JaneJeffer computer science

@Maroonedjam I've answered that up the thread, but I didn't get to meet all of them. I chased them. There was a boyband member, an athlete and a local DJ that I actually met. A footballer or two and an actor I didn't manage to meet. They would have thought I was a weirdo.

@TorroFerney I have booked onto a waiting list for it. Thanks.

@MaryMack Harry wasn't born when this happened!

@KeepYourFingersOutOfMySoup No I'm not naming him. I did find his address though and wrote him a letter years ago telling him that I thought he was a cad and a bounder.

Why on earth would you make a list and put this out there for comments! Totally destructive and quite frankly weird. Can't think it'll will help you in any way.

Thank you @KikiShaLeeBopDeBopBop

@ForZingyHare It can't make me feel any worse. Some of the AMA posts I have read are weirder than this.

@ValueAddedTaxonomy No don't make the same choices anybody!

I second that you should be kind to yourself. What would you say to a friend who confessed all this to you? You had a shit start in life and were looking for someone to love you, and made poor choices because you were young, and got railroaded into stuff that you might not have if you'd had parents who supported you. So - tomorrow is another day. Get yourself some debt advice (Citizen's Advice?) and make a plan to get yourself out of debt. Have some self respect and confidence that you are decent person, forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and people will want you as a friend.

Have you got borderline personality disorder?

Has anyone ever suggested that you might have borderline personality disorder (aka emotionally unstable personality disorder)? It’s just that some of what you have described about your life chimes with some of the symptoms (I’m definitely not diagnosing you. I’m just suggesting it might be an avenue of exploration).

Ahh!!!!

@CanadianJohn I'd been friendly with someone who got the hots for me and swore he was in love with me and I was stupid enough to sleep with him at a conference, though I didn't want to and I didn't want to be with him or have a relationship with him. I was too much of a people pleaser probably to say no. The man I had been seeing had left his wife and family and we had bought a house. He was outraged and walked out on me but kept saying he wanted us to try again. It was just awful. I was so foolish.

@DazedNotConfused1 and @BananaLambo Not to my knowledge but who knows. I will read up on it. I don't know anything about it. I do have ADHD.

What are you doing to help yourself?

@Beatrixslobber Working to get out of debt, hanging out with good friends, avoiding relationships, focusing on my job and not making these choices again. Doing a lot of journalling. On the waiting list for therapy.

*l fancied the sports star on the Olympics. He was fairly local. I tracked down his coach and got in touch with him but chickened out of talking to the guy I liked Years later I found him online and went to see him in a race. I spoke to him and chatted. Later I messaged him but he blocked me.

This made me feel really horrible.*
What made you think this message would lead to a relationship?
How old was the pupil at school you fancied and bought stuff for? A male doing that for a female pupil wouldn't get sympathy.