AMA Income over £500k

[AMAIncomeRelated]

Following the thread on the disadvantages of earning just over £50k, it got me thinking that if some people think that is a huge amount to earn, what do they think of my life.

We live in North London. Husband earns a lot, over £500k most years. We live in a big house, with a huge mortgage, 3 children at private school, 3 dogs, own a ski chalet which is let out as well as for our use. I don't work, I did try a part time job 5 years ago and whilst I loved it, it cause too much stress at home because my husband is used to me doing everything.

We obviously live very comfortably, but also there are lots of things we'd like to do but can't afford the big projects at the moment. My husbands job is very stressful.

AMA. I am absolutely not gloating, I know only too well how fortunate we are.

I've name changed for this as I never ever post on Mumsnet about how much money we have as a family.

We are the same situation as the OP. Some people replying are being pretty nasty (envious?) Yes people earn all sorts and some loads. Yes being a SAHM in this situation doesn't mean you're a lesser woman or unfulfilled. It also doesn't mean you're going to be screwed over.

My DH also earns around 500k per annum. He works in the City in tech for a private equity company. We have a 5 bed period detached house in London and a holiday house in the south of France. Two teens in private school.

I'm a teacher and when we had kids we decided that one parent should be home until the kids were school aged. My wage was already way lower than DH so the choice was obvious. When both kids were at school, I could have gone back to teaching. But it really didn't feel worth it for the type of wages I'd be getting plus the wraparound care needed and higher family stress levels. Also if I was working full time DH would have to be available for some drop off and pick ups. This is more difficult for him as he has early starts and late days and by putting in these hours he rose rapidly through the salary levels. So yes I could have worked but then he'd not be in the position he is in now. So as a family we chose what is best for us.

Our houses are in joint names. We put into ISAs in both our names. Savings are joint.

DH is very involved in the kids lives. He always attends school stuff even if during the day and was around if I needed him to do something like medical appointments etc. He has flexibility in his day. His employers have always been fine with that. So it's not like he has never seen his kids.

Yes we don't have to worry about daily spending but I don't splash out loads. I shop at Tesco or Waitrose or marks. We have a very nice car. We can drop a grand on a day out if we want (which we tend to do once or twice a year eg races). But we're not quaffing champagne with breakfast and going to the salon daily. My hair is not that swishy.

We have a cleaner once a week but no gardener. We have a pool guy in France though!

Many people in London do have this lifestyle and earnings. Many others live in London on much more normal wages.

I realise how extremely lucky we are.

@SameAsYouOP - interesting. I'll ask you the same question as I asked the OP, but haven't had an answer to.
How would you feel if a Labour government were to be elected?

Im not envious of the OP and don’t think many have posted that they are?

I don’t understand how she gets by on 3k a month (which also needs to cover utilities). I think she must be counting every penny…. That is not a champagne or swishy hair budget.

Not sure of the tone of your post. Are you being snarky? Sarcastic? Bitter?

@frequentlyfrazzled

But OP did say that she loved her part-time job and only gave it up because in her words "it caused too much stress at home because my husband is used to me doing everything".
So it doesn't sound like she chose her current situation because it was more fulfilling.

But we ALL make choices that include negatives. I'm sure OPs dh doesn't love working the hours he works or missing dc events. You can like your job but not love every element of it. Being SAHM is no different. I missed the creative stimulation and sense of employment success but I loved the freedom, time, ability to self care and pamper and engage in volunteering that I was able to do.

@Maireas I think Labour will get in at the next election and I am happy with that. The tories are an utter disaster and the country needs a change. If you're asking what we think re 20% vat added to fees - yes it's not great but we can cover that and may be able to pay fees upfront to circumvent this. To be fair though DH paid a huge tax bill last year.

SameAsYouOP I haven’t seen much envy on these posts. Some are intrigued, some are asking tricky questions (perhaps based on conjecture.) Some have said how fortunate OP is.

The one thing it has reminded me of is how pleased I am that we escaped the North London bubble. DH grew up in The Wood and said he would never raise his kids like that. We managed a rather miserable year in Primrose Hill after getting back from a couple of years in the States and swiftly moved out to a large village in Essex. Ironically, DH’s commute to the city now is easier and it has not held back his career at all. And I have been able to work in a professional role locally and have maintained a good career. Many of his colleagues live out here too. We live in a vibrant, mixed community, where all sorts of people get along. My friend off from different backgrounds, and we do normal things together like singing in a choir or going to the pub for lunch. Our kids have been through a mixture of excellent state and independent schools, depending on what to suit them at the time. This means that they know kids from many different backgrounds, understand their experience of life is both privileged and not usual, and really feel part of the community. We have never had to worry about huge mortgage payments or school fees and I’m really pleased we got out of that way of life when we did.

That's interesting. You don't mind the extra on school fees or higher taxation, which is refreshing! There have been many threads with people being quite horrified at the thought of the change to private schools' charitable status.

@Maireas charitable status will not be changed - labour realised it was too difficult. But they don't need to change that to implement VAT increases. To be fair one kid is close to finishing and the other is in receipt of a scholarship so already has reduced fees so the impact on us isn't huge. Different if you're staring down the barrel of 14 years of private school with kids in reception though.

@LaChienneDesFromages early on in the thread there most definitely were unpleasant posts. Maybe less so further in.

My income is between 300-500K (variable due to bonus) my husband is on 100K. 2 kids, one primary and one secondary, both state school. House worth 1 mil, with 100K left on the mortgage. I’m 49. I went to state school myself and am the first person in my family to go to university. I’m 2 generations from a council house. No family money on either side. Husband had free school meals for a period when young. He was also state school and the first in the family to go to university. I voted labour in the last general election, even though I disliked Corbyn and his policies, was preferable to Boris and his!
I’m new to this money (was on less than 100K only 3 years ago) and still getting used to it, while at the same time not being able to believe my luck and also recognising that it might not last for ever (not great job security in my field). So, we are aggressively overpaying the mortgage, making sure ISAs are full, doing some home improvements and having some fantastic holidays!
I work from home, with both local and international travel. Husband works from home 4 days a week. Both kids always did after school care 4 days a week, I have always done pick up once a week. Now secondary kid walks himself home, but always someone at home when they get home.
So completely different circumstances to the OP and no ski lodge, private schools, or swishy hair, but similar income.

I genuinely don’t understand. If you’re bringing in so much money, why would you leave yourself in this position. Our disposable income is quite a bit higher than the OP’s remaining 3k and I certainly don’t feel wealthy.

Not true in Manchester fees average 3-4K per term

It's not the families with 500k+ household incomes who are worried about the fee increases! They can obviously absorb the costs. Its the families, like mine, whose household income is closer to 100k, who are worried.

State schools are that way ---->

@Moodul not denying this is true. Largely it depends on the character of the DH as to how devious he is to secure his assets. And in any event, even with all that, the lifestyle will still plummet without HIS income continuing - spousal maintenance is generally not on a par with what would have been received previously.

I haven’t seen much envy on these posts.

We must be reading a different thread. The thread is full of posts telling the OP ‘she’ is not wealthy, telling her she’s in a vulnerable position, private school isn’t rounded, she hasn’t protected herself, her children are too privileged and she should worry. she’s nothing but a cleaner and cook, she’s wasting her life, her lifestyle isn’t sustainable…, people are intent on putting her down. People on this MN thread are doing their best to undermine her and are vile (the website where people pertain to all earn £££££ themselves which is BS anyway).

On a recent thread I saw equally awful begrudgers being told to be a ‘better person’. ’. A huge number of posters on this thread need to have a long look at themselves and do that too.

I know this from previous threads.
I was asking the OP, and this poster specifically for their views.

They get (up to) 90K (gross) a year in bonus. That adds another 7.5K a month

hey OP. Would love answers to this:

• how does your DH feel about money?
• do you cover your expenses with you incomings or do you dip into savings?
• how secure is DHs job?
• would you buy a smaller home if you had your time again?
• are the private schools top tier or more ‘nurturing’ ones?
• did you plan on having 3 kids on this budget and lifestyle?
• are you thinking about making more money?
• what would your DH do as a job if he had his time again?

thank you!

I don't think you're read all OP's posts.
She doesn't get by on 3k a month.
There is another 90k approx per year (after tax) at her family's disposal - the bonus part of her DH's income.

Yes, 3k and the v high outgoings would make me stress every single day. Especially in a single income family.. I’ve seen too many redundancy rounds to not feel a bit twitchy at that.
bonuses are also variable not usually contractually defined so normally you can’t count it in your budget! It can easily be 0 some years

I know that feeling. You think people are treating you like you have a terminal illness as soon as you say you are pregnant?
You worry no matter what you choose it’s going be judged by someone?

But in fact, you did everything right. Did well in your job to deserve a promotion, managed with a child already and you were healthy and lucky enough to convince a second. And instead of intense pride, you feel the need to worry.
Something is wrong with society here.

On another thread, there was a post wondering why there is such a low birth rate. All responses missed the elephant in the room: if circumstances are such as its now, many will just decide against children.
Go figure your population problem society.

The assumption that the woman “prefers” to stay home is also just outrageous.
Nope. No need to be “encouraged” to come back to work. In fact, its much easier work and in many ways so much more rewarding, than non-stop watching out (day and night!) to keep the little monsters out of trouble.

The little monsters are very cute though.

And if anyone say anything critical, you can remind them that you would also rather have someone else do the pregnancy bit but unfortunately its not an option because your partner doesn’t have a womb.

You don’t sound like you are afraid of a new challenge. You sound scared that whatever you end up choosing you will be judged for it (not wrong).

As for your bosses, just ASSUME they are there to help: ask them what they would do if they had to keep a little person alive but their priority is their work.
Make it absolutely abundantly clear that

So a million quid a year salary is ‘not unusual’?

ok then.

Ours tidy and clean 🤣

I know where the state schools are. Our closest state school isn't great and my oldest child has ASD and would likely really struggle. He is thriving at his small nurturing private school. If private school becomes unaffordable for us then we will homeschool.