I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

Hello and thank you for this thread.
After reading the above can I please ask

1. What is shidduchim?

1. What are the average fees for private Jewish schools in England? I can understand and definitely see the benefits of wanting to send your children to a faith based school and I think if I had the option I would also take it up for my DC. Is it also difficult to get into schools with waiting lists or does knowing or having certain connections help? And also is there help for parents who want to send their children to certain Jewish schools but can't afford the fees?

1. Are Jewish home schooling families prevalent in the UK?

😆I can understand that. And at the beginning of marriage it really does feel too invasive. But with time it becomes part of life.
I'm married almost 10 years now and I'm appreciating the psychological benefits to Nidah and mikva more and more. Every 2 weeks, once my period begins we abstain from sex, and have a chance to connect and build our relationship in other ways. We chat more, go out together more, during Nidah. Once the 12 days are up, there is a renewed freshness to our marriage. Its like a mini-wedding night all every again. Every month.
I'm NGL, some commandments are incredibly hard to adhere to, some feel beautiful and are easier to understand, ultimately they are all there to make us better people/make the world a better place.

We definitely did not call the Rabbi after we had sex for the first time, and there was no expectation to either. You would only call if you had a specific question relating to nidda - he doesn't need to know the details of our sex life 😅 I've never heard the kitchen roll thing either. Bedika cloths are soft and hygienic, and obviously chucked after every use. Kitchen towel sounds very rough and uncomfortable.

that was to @istoodonlegoagain. @jewishorthomum we are x posting, so I will leave you to it ( i.e. stop bunking off my work, and get off mumsnet ... 😄)

Oh also another question please, are women exempt from any of the prayers or rulings when in nidda?
And what would one do if there was no mikvah nearby or accessible to use when the Niddah period was over? Thank you 😊

@EllaDisenchanted 👋 I'm enjoying reading your responses. As they say 2 Jews, 3 opinions. I'm logging off in a few minutes, so you might want to take another coffee break soon

Thank you. Who interpreted it to mean that you shouldn't mix milk and meat at all and why is that seen as the correct interpretation by Orthodox Jews as opposed to just a straightforward reading about cooking meat in milk?

In Judaism women are exempt from time-based commandments. Prayer is a time based commandment so woman do not have to pray 3 times a day as men are. We still pray when we can, but the obligation to pray 3x daily is not applicable to us. There is no difference in Niddah. In general Niddah only has an effect on her marriage. (I think there is a custom for a woman not to visit a graveyard when she is a Niddah. I'm not sure the reasoning, but I can find out)
There is a mikva, or multiple, in every substantial Jewish community worldwide. Women not local to a mikva will travel to get to one.

So if a Jewish woman marries a non-Jew then her kids are still Jewish. However if a Jewish man marries a non-Jew his kids will not be Jewish

Hi OP, would the children not be considered ethnically Jewish on the basis they have Jewish DNA? My ancestry DNA results list Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jewish as options (though I've 0% of either).

Judging by what my cousin says, the genetic testing is not working

Shidduchim means the Jewish dating process. You would say "My daughter/son is in Shidduchim" meaning that they are open for dates, or in the dating process.

Private Jewish schools in my area cost around £400 - £600 monthly. I'm assuming this varies depending on area. Schools do their best to give deductions to those who need it and some wealthier families sponsor other kids. Usually parents choose the school that aligns with their level of religious observance. The acceptance process goes accordingly. Modern orthodox schools care less about the religious practices of the home and family. In ultra orthodox communities the school tries to understand the level of religious practice in the home before accepting kids.
Connections can help in those schools but most schools are objective and will take any child that conforms to their standard.

Home schooling is not prevalent, I don't know anyone home schooled.

But regardless, if a father was Jewish then his kids would have Jewish DNA, so mixed ethnicity but still Jewish?

Jewishness gets passed through the mother. So if man is Jewish but marries a non-Jewish girl, their kids will not be Jewish, regardless of their DNA. Some reform Jewish communities will accept those with a non-Jewish mother as Jewish, but the general rule is that a clear maternal lineage is required in order to be considered Jewish.

@jewishorthomum thank you

In Judaism there is the written law and the oral law. Both were given to Moses at Mount Sinai in biblical times. The written law is the Torah (bible). The oral law are all the guidelines and boundaries in place to help us to keep the Torah's commandments. This oral law was traditionally passed down from father to son, from teacher to student. Over time this oral law was written down and elaborated on by Rabbi's and scholars. Today we have libraries filled with hundreds of books dissecting the oral law and applying it to today's modern world.
So with our example of not mixing meat and milk. The oral law elaborates on the Torah command. The oral law states that a Jew cannot, mix, eat, cook, or benefit from combining milk and meat. Based on this we have guidelines to ensure this is adhered to.

Thanks to all for the replies. Frieda Vizel said they had to phone their rabbi on day 4 or something because they weren't sure if they'd even had sex or not. I know some communities are very insular, but it's flabbergasting to me that you don't know the mechanics of sex in your 20s. Is it not one of those innate things?
Also if you get invited to dinner do the hosts tell you 8f it will be milky/meaty in advance?

Most shabbat dinners (when orthodox people entertain most) are meat, but yes, lots of hosts might say if it is meat or milk.

I wait 6 hours after eating meat before eating dairy so if i was invited to a dairy dinner I would want to know to avoid meat. Although, I generally never eat meat during the day.

1. Funny, when I joined mumsnet it seemed every other person has a child with ASD or ADHD. Maybe parents with neurodiverse kids are more likely to join online forums.

3.I don't know a lot of people with eating disorders, I certainly don't have one, but I have no idea if it is more prevalent or not. 4.Some women sleep with their hari covered, especially when nidda, others don't. (mine always falls of either way lol) 5.In some hasidic circles men and women are very young and very sheltered when they get married. So they really need to be explained the facts of life, and it seems some couples struggle to consummate or know if they have consummated. I (and my husband) are not so sheltered so it wasn't a huge issue for us. It was really really difficult being nidda right away - fortunately i got my period a couple of days later and we also have 7 days of parties after the wedding but I did not have a negative wedding night experience. From what i understand a lot of orthodox couples lately seem to not rush into consummating the marriage straight away on the first night, but spend a few nights getting into it. 6.I don't send my kids to that type of school but if it was a school that didn't align with my values I would probably think about moving them. My kids school now has rules about the students internet usage, (which I agree with) not the parents. Obviously sometimes parents might not agree about this.

Women either travel to a mikva or in some cases they might use the sea or a natural body of water.

Building a mikva takes priority over building a shul.

During covid were there restrictions on the usage of Mikvas in the UK? And if yes how was this overcome?

It might be useful to point out that the mikveh is not only for women.

Men will go to a mikveh too, under different circumstances.

There was a program on channel 4 from years ago about orthodox jewish families from Manchester (one of them was Chabad OP). What I found odd was they all said they felt the need to protect their dc from outside influences, but they all had non Jewish nannies to deal with the dc. Why is that? Is having a Jewish one too close to home?

Do you consider secular Jews who marry out real Jews? DH is one.

Can you recommend any books or programmes about the social rather than religious aspects of Orthodox Judaism (I get they're somewhat bound together). I find it all so interesting!

During Covid the mikva was extremely careful to sanitise the preparation rooms between each user. Extra chlorine was used and of course social distancing was enforced. Stressful times

Your husband is considered a "real Jew" but your kids wouldn't be Jewish.