I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

I appreciate your question.
Judaism believes that the purpose of us humans here in this world is to bring "light" to it and to bring more Godliness into the world.
We have 613 commandments on how to do this. These commandments are grouped into 2 area:s a) Between man and others b) Between man and God.

Many commandments relate to how we interact with others. These include doing acts of kindness, charity, caring for those who are less fortunate, respecting others etc.
And then there are others including prayer which are between man and God. The purpose of prayer is for each person individually to build a relationship with his creator and connect with Him. To put it into perspective on a regular weekday, orthodox men spend roughly 1.5 hours a day in prayer.

Prayer is meant to lead to doing more good things.

Both me and my husband spend our days trying to do good things for other people. (Hopefully succeeding)

A side benefit of all that prayer is community building.

@jewishorthomum thank you for answering that in a so much better way. :)

Very interesting thread, thanks!

(@istoodonlegoagain Here's another Jewish orthodox AMA if you'd like to ask anything)

Orthodox women cover their hair in all sorts of ways (or not at all). Scarves, wigs, hats.

Some Hasidic women (not my group) shave.

Most women wear a wig on top of thier hair.

I cover my hair even at home, (with a scarf) obviously not in the shower. Other women might uncover their hair when no one is around, or no men are around, or in the bedroom.

Will all your children get the same education, the boys the same as the girls? will that include facts such as evolution?

My boys learn more talmud and hasidut and less secular subjects as they get older. (after GCSEs). My girls learn more secular subjects and also more of the written torah rather than talmud. They learn a small amount of Talmud but don't spend hours on it every day.

In more M.O schools the girls and boys learn more similar things.

My kids read a lot (all sorts of books) so probably read about evolution, or learnt about it in primary school which isn't/wasn't a very religious school.

I've heard this parable. I don't think it ever actually happened, but it is a parable brought down I believe in the Midrash to teach us that we all have struggles and each person's hardships are perfectly tailored for him and his development. (I'm not sure exactly where it is quoted in the Midrash, but I can ask my husband if you'd like an exact citation).
Judaism in general has a very perceptive understanding of the human mind and psychology.

Sorry haven’t read all thread but I have a question about the wigs!
why? How do you look without it? Does your husband ever see you without a wig?
thank you

You said that the father doesn’t count when it comes to the children being Jewish, just the mother. Does that mean if you, for example, had children with a non Jew you would not consider them Jewish and why would that be if the case?

Are your kids vaccinated and if so what do you think of the very low vaccine rates among chasidic jews?

The Jewish lineage is past down through the mother. The mother being the one who birthed the child is the one who determines if they are Jewish. So if a Jewish woman marries a non-Jew then her kids are still Jewish. However if a Jewish man marries a non-Jew his kids will not be Jewish.

Fascinating thread, thank you @Jewishbookwork . I missed the previous one so will have to read that, too.

I can't imagine only dating someone a few weeks before becoming engaged! Were you both bowled over with each other or is that standard within orthodox communities? Where and how does love fit into romantic relationships?

Is it permitted to date someone without your family's prior approval?

Don't answer this if it feels like tmi but within an orthodox Jewish community, how is a period defined? Its pretty common for woman to have intermittent 'old' bleeding for a few days after the main flow...is this why married couples wait a week after the period before sleeping together?

How is homosexuality treated within your community, are gay people accepted and tolerated or would they feel unable to be honest about who they are? I appreciate this may vary between communities!

Are men and women permitted friends of the opposite sex?

Finally...I wanted to say how much I regret and condemn the sharp rise of anti semitism in this country. I don't know if it means much, but I'm appalled at what I've read and heard in the press and on social media over the last few years. When hatred becomes so loud in a country, it must feel as if it outweighs the support of those targeted but I don't believe it does and it's deeply shameful to us as a country.

Do you have to follow specific rules during your period? And if so what are they and what's it like to follow them?

I'm a New Yorker and there are several Orthodox communities in my area.

Following with interest, thanks for starting this.

I hope it's okay that I answer here.
There are many thoughts on why we cover our hair. The most common is that a married woman's hair is beautiful and is therefore reserved for her husband alone. So yes, a woman's husband may see her hair.
There is also the idea that covering her hair is a sign that she is married and not available. This is a reminder for others and herself.
Jewish woman's hair covering customs vary wildly. Some women don't cover their hair at all, some cover with a scarf, some cover with a wig.
Chasidic women shave for Kabbalistic reasons and also to ensure that no hair at all will be shown.

I look like a person without a wig without it. Although, I don't style or blowdry my hair, so its not very exciting. My husband sees me with my hair.

@StBrides Thanks for your supportive words against antisemitism. Its a scary time for Jews in the UK. The hatred does feel very loud, people like you make us feel less alone. Thank you

Have you ever found yourself torn between what your religion dictates and what your gut/morals tell you is right? Or are they always 100% aligned?

mine are vaccinated.

There are pro and anti vax Jewish parents.

I guess they have their reasons.

Thank you for this thread! It’s very interesting! Are you allowed to keep pets? Dogs, cats etc? If so would you need to feed them kosher food too?

no sex, no touching, no sleeping in same bed.

Its hard but its always wonderful when you (finally) get to do it all again! really like a mini honeymoon.

I'm perimenopausal and believe it or not, I think I will actually miss my periods. The last time I went to the mikva i thought: This might be the last time I ever go, and I was really sad. (because you never know when your last period will be, do you!)

Mikva - this is the ritual bath you immerse in after the seven days before you can have sex again. Most are beautiful nowadays.

yes, we have pets. They don't need kosher food. Exception is Passover, when food needs to be grain free.

Many very religious Jews don't have pets. We have small pets like hamsters and birds, our lives are just too busy for dogs, plus current housing sitch doesn't allow big pets. (we have had some dogs/cats temporarily and i grew up with a cat) My dc would love a dog though!

I just hope it's short-lived that sanity & tolerance return to us soon. I do know that I'm not the only one who feels this way, please don't despair.