I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

If everything is predetermined how is it free will? If we are made to think, feel and act in certain ways how do we have a choice. If we are created to behave in a certain way there is no free will.

That's for good, bad, indifferent or worse. If someone does nothing but good in their life and it's predetermined they are not choosing to are they? They are only acting as they were made to. Either an all powerful and all knowing god is in control of everything or is not. And if all powerful you have to look at the rules of the religion and ask what does that mean about the nature of the god people believe in.

You are repeating the same question over and I think I've answered it in my posts above. I'll explain it with one further post.

The situations you're faced with are all predetermined, but the choices you make are not.
Going back to the example of the thief. The fact that he may have been brought up in the slums and exposed to crime from a young age is all predetermined by God. The situation with the elderly lady sitting on the bench was also all setup by God.
Based on his upbringing he might not even be held responsible for the act of stealing as he doesn't know any different, after all he was brought up with murder and theft. Rather his point of choice will be whether he punches her or not.
God knows ahead how the thief situation will play out but that doesn't change the reality that that man has free will whether to punch the lady or not.
How we respond to situations is entirely in our hands.

"And if all powerful you have to look at the rules of the religion and ask what does that mean about the nature of the god people believe in."
I'm not sure what you're referring to here, but the Torah, which is the rulebook of Judaism aligns perfectly with the nature of God . And I'd like to think that Christianity/Islam/other religions believe that too.

Also if you're going to go on to knit pick and ask for explanation on some bits of the Torah/bible I don't think I'm going to engage. Others here are welcome to.

I hope I've given some clarity.
Signing off now to take my kids to the park on this glorious day ❤

So everything's gods will but it's our choice? Does not make sense does it?

Have fun with the kids.

@Jewishbookwork thank you for this informative and fascinating thread. I grew up in Stamford Hill and my dad still lives in our family home. We were visiting him on Friday evening and my children were asking lots of questions about the Jewish faith as they observed a lot of Hasidic people walking around (unfortunately I didn’t know the answer to most of them) One question was what time Shabbat starts. I Googled and it said 17.23 but it was almost 6pm and lots of people were still walking around as I mentioned. Apologies as think I’ve misunderstood what happens during Shabbat but I thought everyone had to remain at home/indoors?

Hi @Eastie77Returns. That sounds like the correct time that Shabbat begins but no one has to stay at home. You might be confused about an eruv, which means people can't carry/push buggies. I believe part of Stamford Hill has an eruv now, in other parts you would not see babies in buggies out on shabbat.

Typically women light candles about 18 minutes before sunset. Friday night synagogue services start then too so you would see men and boys walking to shul. Hasidic men would probably also be going to the mikva, ritual bath, before shul. (synagogue).

At 6pm you would possibly see people walking home from shul. (shuls have different schedules...in one shul friday night service might take 1.5 hours with some study sessions, in my shul its a 45 minute job. Friday night would be 2 seervices techinically - mincha, the afternoon service, said as shabbat comes in, followed by kabbalat shabbat and maariv either straight away or when night falls - my shul does is straight away, my fathers shul in stamford hill waits until nightfall to do maariv)

Women might go to shul too on friday night but very few go in Stamford Hill, although I used to go every week as a teen, I love the friday night service.

Otherwise women and girls might be setting up their shabbat meals or possibly going over to friends to chat. So at 6pm you might see people walking the streets too.

If a woman needed to use the mikva on friday night she would be going around then too.

To add, probably about 1-2 hours after shabbat begins people would be eating their friday night meal. Then after that, people might be going out to parties, visit people, classes, drop by someone for dessert.

Shabbat is a big social time.

Shabbat starting time varies every week depending on when sunset is. Much earlier in the winter and later in the summer.

I am still working my way throught the other threads so aplogies if this has been covered.

If Ultra Orthodox Jews don't attend university how can, particularly the men, get into professions such as accounting and law. What level of education can Ultraorthodox Jews attain in order to get into a good career and income to support their families and the wider Jewish Community . What jobs do you and your DH's have if you don't mind me asking. Are jobs mainly restricted to jobs within the Jewish community, teaching and religion ?

My husband is a Rabbi and I also work in a pastoral role within the Jewish community.

My husband went to school until GCSE's and then went to Yeshiva.

In my family (parents, siblings, kids) there is a doctor, accountant, computer programmer, university lecturers, therapists, a bunch of Rabbis, (women can't be Rabbis but lots of my sisters work on pastoral roles similar to me) school principal, kindergarten teacher, one runs a Jewish non profit.

In my community (chabad) there a lot of encouragement to work within the Jewish community as a Rabbi, outreach worker, teacher, etc, but for those who don't want to do that, many go into business or other fields. There are religious college programs for those who want to get a profession in the US and Israel, not sure about the UK.

A young man who has gone to Yeshiva can usually get the equivalent of a BA from his yeshiva, some people use this to go onto law school or other grad programs. (the dr in my family had to do some science modules in addition to this and then he got into med school)

Dh and I both have a BSc and work in professional fields. We’ve both done further courses/qualifications related to our field. I have a brother who is ultra orthodox who is a solicitor, one who is an electrician, another is a trainee builder, one is learning (Jewish studies) in kolel, another is a manager of a butcher's, one has some electrician qualifications but works in a computer business

@EllaDisenchanted as an Orthodox Jewish young woman were you allowed to attend a uni alongside non Jews to get your BSc degree. I thought that was not encouraged, or was it not in the UK. I guess I'm wondering how very religous Jews can enjoy university life and get their qualifications . I live near a univesity in the UK and have never seen any Orthodox Jewish students , every other race, religion, creed and colour but never any Orthodox Jewish.

I love Jewish culture. Visited a few years ago, had shabbat dinner at a popular Rabbi's, drove down the Gaza Strip, dunked in the Jordan, floated in the Dead Sea, enjoyed pomegranate juice and hummus!
Ever since, I watch ever Jewish movie I can find. ❤️

My husband didn't go to college. He spent his years from 17-25 in Yeshiva (Religious college) where he studied Jewish religious work. Currently he's a private tutor in higher education yeshiva, supporting boys with their Jewish religious studies. He also runs a small ecommerce business on the side.

I have a degree which I studied for after I got married. I'm currently a teacher in higher education and I help out my husband with his business.

The males in the ultra orthodox community that I'm part of, most find jobs within the community but I know many who work at non-Jewish companies/firms eg. accounting, finance, sales.
Majority of women find jobs at Jewish businesses/schools. This is mostly because they will be accommodating of the Jewish school holidays. Since most families have multiple kids, and due to our festivals the Jewish school holidays don't usually align with national holidays, mothers need the liberty of working somewhere that conforms with their childcare and the Jewish festivals. Schools are the most obvious option.

Again, this is the ultra-orthodox community and I've quite generalised. For eg. I have 2 friends studying nursing at university and my friends husband has just received his accounting degree, so its not uncommon for young people to get higher education, but its not expected.

Thank you for sharing all this information

Hi @Interestedandcurious, even within what to the outside might all be classified as ultra orthodox, there are sub communities and groups, based on things like the shul you attend, or the Rabbi you bring your questions to. Which community you are part of is ideally meant to be an individual choice (there is a commandment עשה לך רב, which in essence tells you to find your own leader/teacher, ie find your pathway in Judaism that works for you), so even though I’d say I’m ultra orthodox to the non Jewish world, within the Jewish world, we would identify ourselves on much more specific criteria. Each sub group will have different opinions on things like university.

So for example I went to a Beis Yaakov high school, I stayed on and did A levels, but most of my class went to seminary after GCSEs; some of them did A levels in seminary, but only a few. Many of them were part of communities that would discourage university. DH and I, although from slightly different communities, were both from communities where uni was a standard option, after seminary/yeshiva. Dh did A levels, then 4 years of yeshiva, then he got married and went to uni. I did one year seminary after A levels, then I had a place in uni, but decided to switch to the OU (I don’t even remember why, it’s a long time ago!).

I've noticed that some of my friends have gone back to college and uni as mature students, after they had kids.

in terms of uni life; with the OU, there wasn’t really a student life. Dh also didn’t join in with student life, as he worked part time, and we had a growing family, although he had a few classmates that he often studied with in uni.

ultra orthodox students who go to uni are very very likely to live in the community and commute, as they need religious amenities (like shuls and kosher food) and will be there for the degree, not the wider experience. This means the majority of visibly Orthodox Jews will attend universities close to Manchester, Leeds, Liverpool, London, or Newcastle (where the main Jewish communities are). We are only a tiny population to start with, and only a small percentage will go to uni every year, add to that the need to live within the community, and you’ll only see a few visibly ultra orthodox students a year, and only in certain unis. Also, besides for conservative dress, ultra orthodox girls stand out a bit less than the boys, so we’re not always quite as easily identified as Jewish.

Modern Orthodox/traditional Jews are much more likely to a)go to uni and b) live in uni accommodation and be part of the student life, but you wouldn’t necessarily know they were Jewish by sight.

some unis also have a reputation for not accommodating flexibility around the high holidays/ Shabbat (eg with placements) and might be avoided.

Can I just add to the NHS / private issue.

In Manchester a Jewish hospital was established in 1904. It was staffed by volunteers. When the NHS was established it was absorbed into the NHS but was still in existence until 1992.

I worked with someone who had trained there, the cutlery was all marked with 'meat' or 'milk'.

Manchester General has wings named after the hospitals that closed when it opened, one is Jewish Victoria Wing. It's Jewish in name only but is a nice bit of history.

The NHS in Manchester now has 'Shabbos rooms' basically a Kosher pantry.

https://ezracare.co.uk/services/hospital-respite-rooms/

Food is also supplied by Bedside Kosher.

I know this is an old thread, but I was reminded today of Shtisel (loved that show!) and how a woman wanted to pay Shtisel's sister a lot of money if she named her unborn baby after her dead husband, as they had been childless (or maybe they didn't have sons?). What is that all about? What would be the benefit of having someone named after a dead person, and why would someone pay a stranger huge sums of money to do so?

Naming after deceased relatives is very important in Judaism, and can lead to lots of family tensions when a baby is born. Like seriously - from currying favor with one set of in-laws (richer?) even down to inheritance issues and stuff.
Also things like, if a name is out of fashion, is it acceptable to change it to a more modern equivalent? (This is a near guaranteed way to anger certain types of older relatives). I have a friend who prays her grandmother will live forever so nobody in the family ever has to use that name ;-)
After a certain number of kids, a couple will have often named all the "required" names, so then they can get a lot more creative.
But Shtisel is an entertainment show (a great one), I never heard of anyone buying/selling such a thing with strangers - it's exaggerated.

That makes sense. In the show this woman had put an advert in the paper offering a big reward for anyone pregnant with a son to name him after her late husband. The pregnant woman wanted to do it for free as it was a very good deed, but her husband wanted the money :-)

In my family/circles its pretty unusual to use a name just because you like it. (although many religious couples do do this) All our kids are named for relatives or great people we admire. Or possibly other people, for example, about 20 years ago, a Chabad Shluchim couple were murdered in a terror attack in Mumbai, I know of many people who named their children after them.

One of my relatives actually named their child after a family friend who died childless, like the couple in Shtisel, but I don't think they got paid!

One of my kids has a slightly unusual name after a grandparent, so we added some other names that we like and use those. My relative also had to use a (really unusual and somewhat odd) yiddish name after a grandparent, they added a name which means comfort (Nechama/Nachum).

Thanks @Jewishbookwork Can I ask what is the benefit believed to be in naming after dead people? Why would it be important to have the name continued, is there religious significance in it?

I guess some of the same reason why all people name after parents or relatives. Comfort, they loved them, they want the child to continue their legacy...

I don't think its an actual mitzva, its more custom.

Sefardic Jews name after living parents/grandparents but ashkenazim only after people who have passed away.

In my family many of the grandchildren have the same name. My daughter is named after her grandmother, she has approx five cousins with that name.

I just wanted to add that we personally named our children after people that meant a lot to me or my husband because we didn't want them to be forgotten. I personally find that very, very important because of how little I know about half my family because of the Holocaust. I truly hate the idea that there are people who perished who I am closely related to whose names will never be uttered again because we simply don't know the names. There was no one left to tell us about them. I find that so incredibly sad. So to carry on remembering those who are no longer with us, we have used their names as inspiration for our children's names. In some instances it's more that we've used a name with the same meaning as the person we're naming after even if the names sound completely different, in others it's the exact same name or a derivative of the name. Either way, it's our small way of ensuring these people are hopefully talked about to some extent for at least another couple of generations.

(I'm Jewish but not religious - just thought I'd share another perspective to the whole name thing!)

@Humdingerydoo, I found your post very moving

Kol Hakavod.. such a really, really lovely thing to do.