I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

I would hope men being unfaithful and abuse happens less than in the secular world but I don't know of any studies that have been done so I can't tell you.

It absolutely exists, there are religious men who cheat, and treat women badly, and abuse women and children (and sometimes excuse it) but it wouldn't reflect well upon a man if it was known he was sleeping with women who were not his wife.

My shabbat.

My kids are mostly older now.

I usually have a LOT of guests.

Friday night - light candles, all food is ready on plata (hotplate thingie) or in oven. Just need to make a salad. I usually read, mostly books but also magazines. I rarely get time to read during the week so I look forward to this all week. My kids read too.

A more spiritual woman then me would use this time to pray. The friday night prayers are actually my favourite, before I had kids I loved attending synagogue on friday night.

Then I prep for shabbat dinner - make a salad, set out first course.

Husband and sons come home about 1.5 hours later and we sing some songs, make kiddush over wine, wash our hands, eat challah and then the rest of the meal. People (my husband, kids, guests) might say words of torah. We might sing (we aren't a massively musical family but there are some beautiful songs that people sing at the shabbat table).

We recite grace after meals.

Go to bed.

One of the ways of celebrating shabbat is indeed by having sex. (with your spouse, no one else!)

Shabbat morning.

I like to sleep in now my kids are old enough to let me.

I read a bit and then I go to shul (synagogue). I usually get there close to the end. My kids like going to shul, there are other kids to play with, maybe a childrens service.

Shul finishes about 12 and there is a kiddush until about 1 and then we go home and eat lunch. (usually have guests for that too) Its a shorter meal though.

After lunch we read or sleep. And play board games.

When i had very small kids we would split up the day - if there were 3 hours from lunch to when my husband had to leave to shul we would each get 1.5 hours. Now my kids are old enough that we don't need to do that anymore.

On long shabbat afternoons in the summer i might host or attend a women's torah class, or go for a walk with my husband or a friend. When my kids were smaller i would take them to a playground.

@jewishorthomum apologies if my triplet question gave the impression that a shiksa is part of shabbat celebrations for the men... can't stop laughing at the thought of that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anyhow, how big is your shabbat table and who sits where? The youtubers I watch all have lovely shabbat tables set out, maybe for 8 people then they'll say they had 12 adults and 14 children over and I'm wondering where everyone sat? Is the table mixed men/women? Do some people just hover around? Who, if anyone, gets priority at the table? I assume men/women don't sing together?

So it is not ridiculous to believe that everyone's really born Muslim? Sounds pretty silly to me.

Does the scriptural bit which orders the death penalty for gays still apply? If not why? How does the religious text which preaches death and hatred for gays inform how you view on homosexuals?

We have one regular table and chairs that fits about 8 people and a few folding tables and chairs for when we have more people.

Its miraculous, we have never run out of chairs or food. Athough we might have to round up every chair in the house. my kids might sit on barstools if we run really short.

OMG I just made this cheats baba ganoush dip. It’s AMAZING!!!!!!! Thank you!

This made me cackle 😂

apologies if my triplet question gave the impression that a shiksa is part of shabbat celebrations for the men... can't stop laughing at the thought of that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This shiksa can confirm that it's not the done thing for the Jewish community in my part of New York. 😂

@istoodonlegoagain You seem to know all the lingo, Shiksa, OTD etc and about all the Jewish community inner scandals😆 Is this all from following Jewish youtubers?

@combusting nice! I realised my tomato dip is actually a mini salad. Do you still want me to write how I make it?

I do have a chummus recipe somewhere, that I haven't made for a while, but is yummy, and a roasted pepper dip I can dig out.

@Combusting

Houmous:

1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/2 sp baking powder (if using canned)
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 medium/large clove garlic
1/2 tsp fine sea salt (I just use table salt)
1/2 cup tahini
2-4 tbsp ice water (+ extra if needed)
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tbsp olive oil

Put chickpeas and baking powder in pan, cover with lots of water and bring to boil (about 20 mins). Skim of skins. Using fine mesh sieve, drain and run under cool water for 30 seconds. Set aside.

In food processor, combine lemon juice and garlic. Process until garlic is finely chopped. Leave to mellow for ten minutes.

Add tahini to blender, process untill creamy and thick. Scraped down sides. Whilst running, drizzle 2 tbsp ice water. Scrape down and blend, until smooth, pale and creamy.

If tahina is too thick, may need 1-2 tbsp more ice water.

Add cumin, drain the cooked chickpeas, and blend, drizzling in olive oil. Blend until super smooth, adding more ice water as needed.

Taste and adjust as needed (might need more salt/ lemon juice. I like mine very sharp and lemony).

Pepper dip recipe is MIA, will have to have a dig through other recipe books. To be honest I rarely make dippy dips, I tend to make I guess sort of mini salads, like moroccan carrot salad, and my balsamic tomato basil concoction and buy the dips.

This is a very tasty aubergine dip that I have made in the past a few times, but it's a bit of a bubby's (granny) recipe (a bit of this, adjust as needed lol)

2 aubergines, diced (chunky)
1 red pepper diced (also chunky)
1 red onion sliced

I use a big shallow glass casserole dish: Put roughly 1/3 tube tomato puree, add some olive oil to thin it out, a bit of rice vinegar (less than the amount of olive oil), and a bit of sugar. Mix and warm up for about 5 mins, at 200 celcius.

Add the veg. Bake for 1 hour, stirring every 15 mins.

It's been a while since I made it, so I don't remember if I just mixed it, and that was the dip or if I pureed it at the end. I assume as you don't remove the skins, it probably just is mixed, rather than blended.

Thank you soo much!! It’s interesting you boil your own chickpeas for the hummous - they turn out better than canned I guess!

I love chopped salads (the Indian kachumbher, the Middle Eastern parsley salads) so if there’s time or a link I’d appreciate the tomato one!

Pleasure :)

No I boil the canned chickpeas! You use the baking powder if it is canned. If I remember it makes all the skins rise to the top and then you skim them off.

1 Aurbegine cut into cubes, deep fried
1 tin chopped plum tomatoes
1-2 cloves fresh garlic
Fresh basil & parsley
Fry garlic for a minute or two add the chopped toms and cook on lowish flame for about 1 hour.
When done add the herbs and flavouring (salt, pepper, sugar) and then add the aubergine and mix together.

Removing the skins is what makes it really smooth. Also fresh lemons makes a difference in the flavour, compared to bottled.

I can roughly tell you how I make my tomato salad, but it's not really a recipe, I made it up, so I just kind of do it by sight/taste. I can guesstimate what I do.

2 cubes frozen basil, or a big handful of fresh basil (yummmmmy!)
a healthy squirt of silan
a glug of balsamic vinegar
a garlic cube (on Shabbat I can't crush the garlic, so it is easier to use the cubes as they are ready crushed, also it blends into a dressing better, and no need for a food processor)
bit of salt
I use a pepper that has added lemon and garlic, or regular coarse ground black pepper
Mix, then add in a load of cherry tomatoes sliced in half

I googled kachumbher, as had never heard of it. Very interesting as it reminds me of my grandmother's chopped salad she has at every meal. (She is Israeli).

She basically makes a really simple finely chopped tcp salad (tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers - red or yellow). Then she adds in fresh parsley (flat leaf, finely chopped), chopped green olives (the stuffed ones you get with pimento in), salt, pepper, bit of lemon juice (fresh is best).

That's the base, and then we mix it up. I think she adds in chopped radishes sometimes, I sometimes add in sweetcorn, and finely chopped pickles.

I love the aubergine ones! Thanks so much :)

I have a cookbook with a whole chapter of Indian-Jewish recipes 🤤 best of both worlds!

Another fun thing to do with aubergine, slice in half longways, (leave green bit on) criss cross flesh with knife so you have diamond shaped cuts. Don't cut all the way through. Drizzle with EVVO and bake in hot oven as in my first recipe till golden.

Serve cold drizzled with tahini. (not straight from tub, you need to make it into tahini dip first, most tubs come with instructions)

You can also be fancy and sprinkle with fried onions, pomegranate seeds, parsley...

I had a role where part of it was supporting/advocating for women, and this involved a few Strictly Orthodox ones. Came across SH, the TV programmes associated with it, the bloggers who write about life there (ie the scandals!). I heard about the shiksas from Shtisel 🤣. "Stamford Hill" would be an excellent TV drama!

What is the overarching parenting style within the orthodox community? Ie is it gentle parenting or do most people discipline their kids? Are kids expected to behave in a certain way or because you consider children such blessings do you allow them to get away with more rowdy behaviour? I know that it depends on each family but what would be the normal? Is it hard not having more of your parents attention when you have so many siblings?

And if anyone knows any of the people from SH who were on the programmes and can give me an update on them please pm me, don't want to encourage any public loshon hora 😊

@Mamabear04 I think each family has their own style.
The trend is definitely leaning towards more gentle parenting. Being that we're so kid focus, many parents are keen on educating themselves on parenting. In my community, there are numerous parenting courses being offered by Jewish educators and parenting experts and most are now teaching gentle positive parenting. I'm in the middle of one these courses currently, and its all about positive discipline, respecting kids, parenting with positivity etc. (Hitting is not encouraged at all, if that's what you're wondering.)

You asked if we'd allow kids to get away with rowdy behaviour, because they are such blessings? I'm not sure I understand the connection. Some mums are okay with rowdiness and some just aren't. Personal choice.

You ask, is it hard to have so many siblings and divide parents attention?
As the oldest of my siblings I don't know if I'm the right person to answer, but I personally didn't feel I needed to fight for my parent's attention. I think that in a healthy functioning large family the kids shouldn't feel a lack in their parents attention. Remember, many of these ultra-orthodox families don't have TV's and personal iPad, so there is a lot more presence and social interactions at home.

I'm not trying to romanticise it, and there are dysfunctional families and struggling parents around, but the assumption that large families means neglected kids is not factual.

Sorry I didn't mean to imply that a large amount of kids means they will be neglected or ignored by parents. DH has 5 siblings and is the eldest as well and a lot of the time his parents struggle to devote much time to each kid regardless of electronics etc and purely because of life tasks, working full time etc. I was more asking because of this aspect because DH and I grew up in a very similar way and culture but because I am from a 2 child household I received and still receive a lot of 1 on 1 time from my parents.

Also wasn't asking if people hit their kids, would have asked it outright if so. Was just curious if because your life seems so structured and full of rules that it is the same with your parenting style or if that rigidity is reflected in how people want their kids to behave if that makes sense? I'm not sure if I'm making myself understood!