I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

I've been to Llandudno several times, it's lovely! We had a school shabbaton (weekend trip away over shabbos) there, and I am sure we went sledding down the great orme. I also (briefly) stayed in the Jewish Llandudno mother and baby home! 6 weeks would have been amazing lol, I got half a week which was pretty nice, but my baby was ill so had to come back. I don't think you can stay for 6 weeks, I think you get up to 2 (not including Shabbos), within the first 6 weeks post partum.

This has just reminded me, is there something about not being allowed to see a dead body? If so, who prepares the deceased? Do you have your own undertakers?
Edited to add: does that mean a man has to go to the mikvah after sex each time?

Sorry Ella misread the story. But post natal to be somewhere that you and baby can get to know each other is lovely. When I had my first it was two days in hospital then seven days in a nursing type home. The nurses taught me so much about caring for a baby and breastfeeding issues. I was totally cosseted.

That's so weird as "mother and baby home" has very negative connotations for me, but I'm assuming it's meant to be a good thing for the mother? How much does it cost? Also is there an element of wanting to be away from the husband because you are niddah?

@EllaDisenchanted so you are from Manchester? There was a TV programme with families from the Manc community. A very... eccentric rabbi who was getting married to an American girl (he had been turned down many times he said), I often wondered what happened to him?! And Bernadette(?) who was keeping her son for "someone very, very special" 😅😀

very similar idea :)

@istoodonlegoagain it's a lovely place to go to if you want to, there is no pressure or anything! Especially if you have a large family, it gives the 'kimpeturin' (post natal mum) a real break! Nothing to do with wanting to be away from DH. It's not standard that you go after birth, just something you can choose to do if you want to/are able to.

There are also usually meal rotas for a week or two after birth organised by friends and family to help the mother recover.

Yes originally from Manchester. I refused to watch the program, DH loved it, but these things make me cringe 😁 Bernette's son is married, I don't remember to whom. DH knows the Rabbi you mention, he was a few years older than him in school, he said he lives in America now and is married to an American, I assume the person in the program, but as I didn't watch it, I can't confirm!

@EllaDisenchanted I thought it was a great programme, nothing cringe worthy about it! Not sure I'd want to be Bernette's neighbour though, she'd have your head away 😂

ER2
Thank you. I didn't know that there's a separate strand about spiritual purity in addition to marital laws.
What stands out to me as a non-Jewish person is that there's spiritual purity and impurity for both men and women, but as an 'outsider' most of what we hear about is a very simplistic version about just women, which leads to those who are closed minded knee-jerk assuming that those of orthodox faith think women and their periods are disgusting or shameful.

@istoodonlegoagain i can't, i just can't look 😄 i can't watch that new film on netflix (the bat mitzva one), or my unorthodox life or the matchmaker one 😅

@EllaDisenchanted Strictly Kosher was nothing like those other ones, but I understand it's maybe too close to home for you! Does Joel still have his clothes shop?

@istoodonlegoagain not a clue sorry :) If the shop you mean is the one I think, then I didn’t shop there, my usual was the next sale, and primark!

I don’t think there are restrictions on seeing a dead body. In fact, we don’t leave a dead body alone if we can avoid it, and people (usually family and friends ) volunteer to sit with the body on rotation (called shmirah) until it is prepared for burial (customarily as quickly as possibly). The body is prepared for burial by members of the chevrah kadisha the Jewish burial service. They wash and ready the body for burial, in a process called tahara (purification) and is done in a very specific, highly respectful way.
I had family members who were part of the chevrah kadisha in UK and they were unpaid volunteers.

no need to go to the Mikva after sex

Schooling in the orthodox community is chosen to align with the level of religious observance. So if you're part of the ultra-orthodox community and you leading a very religious and insular life, then you would be apply to the one or two schools in the area who's ethos align with your values. Chassidic people would go to Chassidic schools, modern orthodox to modern ortho schools etc. I think that is the biggest determining factor.
Once this is narrowed down, naturally we would apply to the school that we feel ranks higher in standard of education, extra-curriculum options etc.
Most parent won't really rely on the Ofsted report to make a decision on schooling, because the Jewish community is close-knit, schools reputation goes mostly by word of mouth.

Women have as much say as men when it comes to choosing schools for their children. Its a joint decision. (We aren't ruled by our husbands if that's what you're wondering)

Such interesting questions and answers, thank you so much to OP and others for answering.
I had a question regarding medicine. Does medicine also have to be kosher? Or are there rules regarding medication?
Are blood transfusions allowed?

Also just wanted to add the concept of looking after and supporting the mother who has just given birth is lovely to hear. We have a similar concept in my culture where the women of the family will look after both the mother and the baby for atleast 2-3 weeks, preferably until the end of post natal bleeding.

I just wanted to comment on this bit "Do you feel in UK there is pressure to go? (I read that in US it's hard to get married if you haven't been?)"

The percentage of adults with a university degree is very similar in the two countries, about 40% in both. I obviously don't know how hard it is to get married in the UK, but I can't imagine why the lack of a degree would make it harder here in the US. I know lots of married couples where one person has a degree and the other doesn't. And if it is important to someone to find a partner with the same educational attainment, there are plenty in both groups.

I'm often a bit startled by some of the things people on MN believe about the US.

I'm not talking about a degree, I'm referring to the seminary. I read this on a frum women's site, which is predominantly American based.

@Combusting You've asked whether limiting TV/internet access for students in ultra-orthodox schools take away from their opportunities and skill development.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I truly don't think kids not watching TV negatively affects their skills, development or future opportunities. In my opinion its to the contrary.

However, many schools have policies against students going online unsupervised, and not having personal smartphones/ipads etc. and here I understand your concern that this limits their opportunities.
Here's my own observation on the matter: I'm a teacher at a local ultra-orthodox seminary (Jewish college) and for most of my students the seminary year is the first time that they go online unsupervised. I hear them talk about what research they've done for homework, and I've seen their coursework and they seem to have caught on just fine. In the long run I really don't see it negatively affects them at all.
Knowing that these students are sheltered and have had so little online exposure, the seminary puts on classes teaching them how to use the internet safely from a religious, emotional and social point of view.

@MissConductUS i read that as pressure to go to seminary (in orthodox circles) and that it is hard to get married without having been to seminary. I would agree it’s a factor in shidduchim in the UK and US in frum circles.

Oh very interesting, what do you teach?

Got it. Apologies for the misunderstanding on my part.

Hi @Parkingt111 👋 I've often noticed there are a lot of similarities between our cultures when you’ve commented in the past.

regarding medicine, generally it wouldn’t need to be kosher, but some people will avoid taking painkillers that are capsules which can be non kosher and will buy the uncoated ones instead. On pesach medications sometimes can be an issue if they contain grain (chametz), but life saving will always take precedence. Lists are produced every year which state which medications are chametz. If you have to take it and there are no alternatives there are ways of doing so. Israel make Kids painkillers as suppositories which some people use on Pesach (quite practical if u have a kid who refuses to take medinol!) No issue with blood transfusions either.

@EllaDisenchanted thank you for that answer. We buy the uncoated capsules too for Halal purposes. Some chemists sell them and amazon too.

Yes there were many other similarities I saw through out the thread 😊

I teach an A level and Level 3. I prefer not to say which subjects

Within your type of seminary (ultra orthodox) is there pressure to limit academic subjects, such as those that are perhaps too 'secular?' I read the amazing story of Izzy Posen, who long story short left his ultra orthodox commu ity because he discovered science, and that was not allowed within his community and he was shunned. He seems like such a lovely guy who just loved knowledge and it seems so unfortunate that there couldn't be some sort of compromise.
Do any of the girls go on to university? Are their career options limited? I saw women (again this is US) saying their only options were teaching, counselling or admin type roles, as seminaries offer these qualifications. Is this similar for ultra orthodox in UK?