I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

Most mothers wouldn't share that they are going to mikva with their daughters. Mikva is meant to be private. In very sheltered communities teens would be unaware of the details of mikva until marriage.

I knew about mikva as a teen but never noticed if my mother going.

If i am going to mkva i tell my kids i am going to the gym/a meeting/for a walk/shopping.

Also very religious couples won't even touch in front of thier kids.

How do you reconcile yourself to all the appalling stuff in the scriptural text? Does n't any of you ever make you ask yourself why you follow it? Same for any religious faith.

Apologies if I've missed it, does that mean that mikva is only required after marriage?
Would periods be treated the same by unmarried orthodox Jewish women as non-Jewish women?

Did any of you attend a seminary? If so, where, and how was it?

I think it was said that periods only affect family purity (ie laws between man and wife) so periods aren't an issue pre marriage.

More questions -

1. How do you as women feel about a postpartum woman, bleeding for potentially weeks - not being able to meet her human needs (not sexual needs, her human needs) of being given a big bear hug by her partner because she is “impure”?
2. How do women feel about having to insert white cloths into their vaginal canal twice a day to check it for signs of blood after a period ends - and sometimes needing to send said cloths they’ve inserted into their vaginas to Rabbis for checking if they are “pure”?

Are there parts of the scriptures that seem wrong to you?

So the parts where there was a divine command to exterminate entire nations seems right and moral to you?

I'd be very interested in hearing this please.

If you mean I do not think its moral or just to kill every man, woman and child along then am happy to say I agree with that. Whether it happened you seem happy to worship that god.

How do you feel about those archaeologists suggesting that the genocide might not have happened? Or scholars saying the same about the Exodus?

Do you agree with slavery?

Hi combusting,the first two AMA threads discussed Nida and Bedikos at length, and provide more context.

1. post partum I felt crappy, and varied between feeling very touched out (from breastfeeding and general soreness and grateful for no pressure to resume relations) and hormonal and wanting a hug. If I needed a hug I got it from my friends or mum/sister/grandmas etc. of course it’s hard, because I love my husband, but I wouldn’t say it felt like a human need that I was denying myself because dh couldn’t hug me. Women with partners in the army, or overseas, or single parents manage without, it’s not impossible.

2. fine with it. Doesn’t phase me any more, although it took time to get used to at the beginning and I made DH take any cloths because I found it harder at first. it’s not like I need to show the cloths very often. I know the laws so rarely need to send it to a rabbi, there is an option to send it to a female expert if I want instead (yoetzet). Also Nida is a status, not a value judgment about purity/cleanliness. There is no embarrassment or shame in being Nida, it’s private and intimate.

@WhatWhereWho

This has taken a very disrespectful turn, hasn't it? I know it's an AMA but you're absolutely relentless. It's not right to question peoples' beliefs in this way. You're being completely disingenuous and just ridiculing someone's religion. I am sure you think you're being clever but it's really quite awful to observe, and I say that as a non-religious Jew who takes a lot of issue with religion. It would still never occur to me to be this disrespectful to someone.

We get it. You don't like religion. You can still keep it respectful. You have some interesting questions but a lot of them are just truly awful.

It's not a political thread IMO but interest in a way of life.

Yes, in Israel. For various reasons I don’t want to share I moved to a different one part way through the year. I think (the second one) helped me develop into a thinking independent adult. We were encouraged to question and debate, and to explore religiously (the head of the sem was a pupil or Rav Hutner). We had to sort ourselves out for Shabbat most weeks, we toured Israel, we had chesed hours (volunteering work) and just generally had to navigate in a foreign language (pre smart phones) I had time and space to just be,) and to think about what I really wanted in life. I feel very very privileged to have had the experience. I’m still close friends with some of the girls I met in seminary.

one thing that was hard was that there were terrorist attacks, and there were regular alerts and lockdowns. There was a mass shooting (the merkaz harav attack) on students, which took place while we were doing an activity very close by.

ER2
Thank you. I find it interesting which bits, if any, are linked to something spiritual specific to periods/women in general and which parts are spiritual but in relation to marriage.
Thank you for taking the time to share.

I agree, I find some of the questions / the way they are asked/written quite nasty.

It has taken quite a disrespectful turn. Some people on the thread keep trying to draw the OP into a debate about what would be called biblical literalism in a Christian context. It's completely off-topic and rude.

Can I suggest that if questions are not deemed suitable by the OP that they are just ignored? We don't want a good thread getting derailed.
@EllaDisenchanted did you go before university or after? Do you feel in UK there is pressure to go? (I read that in US it's hard to get married if you haven't been?) Do you feel the purpose is sort of to give a 'kosher' college experience?

We've had a Jewish community here for over a century. We have a retreat which includes a mother and baby unit where you can stay for six weeks. We're popular for conferences too.

"Llandudno and Colwyn Bay Hebrew Congregation – Jewish Small Communities Network" https://jscn.org.uk/llandudno-colwyn-bay-hebrew-congregation/

I went before uni. I had a place to study computer science at manchester uni, which I deferred while I did Sem, but then when I came back I got engaged pretty quickly, and changed my mind, and decided to do the OU instead and a different course. DH would have supported me if I had wanted to go to brick uni (he started uni a year after we got married) but I stuck with the OU.

Yes, there is some cultural/social pressure to go to sem; the vast majority in the more orthodox communities in England go to English seminaries. I was fairly unusual in that I went to a Beis Yaakov school, but I did A levels first and then went to an Israeli Sem, rather than going to an English Sem earlier. I am not sure exactly how/why it ended up becoming the norm to be honest. Not everyone goes, but I'd say in my day it was unusual not to go at all.

I would have wanted my daughter to do the same as me, if possible, and would not have been happy to send her to an English sem at 16 without A levels. More college-like hybrid A-level/sem programs were opening up when I left.

The reason I follow the Torah (Jewish scripture) is because I was born a Jew and I believe that living by God's Torah is the correct way for me to conduct my life.

Do I understand everything in the Torah? Not at all. I have Rabbi's that I can ask if I'd like to get insight into or have questions on the Torah. Judaism actually encourages questions.

You come across as knowledgeable but very frustrated with religion. Judaism isn't looking for new recruits but if you'd like to know more I can send you some links and resources.