I'm a live-in-carer AMA

[24hourday]

I've worked as a live-in-carer for the past fifteen years and have just finished what will probably be my last placement - I've absolutely loved my job but it's becoming too tiring for me now.

In the main I've been employed by one agency but occasionally taken on private clients. My placements have always been short-term, between 2 - 6 weeks, either holiday cover for the main carer or an emergency or respite situation.

I thought anybody considering employing or becoming a live-in-carer might find it useful to AMA.

How do you get time off? Maintain your own home? I've always wondered this.

What if you don’t get along with the person or their family?

Do you have kids? A family? How do you balance this?

That sounds like a tough job!

What's the pay like?

What kind of carer? For physical disabilities?
Or mental disabilities? Or things in between?

I just had a quick look at some job adverts in your field and it seems like they are asking for one week on, one week off. Is that typical? or can you effectively live full time at your client's house?

Have you kept in touch with any clients after leaving?

Do they generally treat you kindly or are you treated like "the help"?

What kind of homes do you stay in?

I think I have quite a romantic view of those kinds of live in care/housekeeping/service jobs, I picture old money/country estates and eccentric old aristos as clients.

@Toddlerteaplease I get a lot of time off because I only take on short-term placements, so for example I might work two weeks covering a 'permanent carers' holiday leave, then take a week off, then maybe take on a four week placement for a person who's had a stroke and is being discharged from hospital, then take a couple of weeks off, and so on. It's always been entirely up to me which placements I take, and sometimes I've worked almost constantly for three months in order to be able to afford a few weeks off to go travelling.

@Arrangingmyknits I was a single parent and started working as a live-in-carer when my youngest left home. I couldn't have done it before then but have met many carers, mostly from Eastern Europe, who have young children that are being looked after by their grandma's back home. These carers kept in touch by video calls and usually take a week off every six weeks to fly home and see their children.

Re getting on with people, that's hardly ever a problem for a few weeks, most clients are lovely and their families really appreciate my work, they're often really stressed and having a live-in-carer is a huge relief for them. But a couple of times it has been an intolerable situation and I've been unwilling to stay. In that case I've just contacted the agency and they send a replacement carer the next day so I can leave.

@MisschiefMaker it is a tiring job but I wouldn't say it's tough. Not to be too cheesy but it is incredibly rewarding. I mostly chose to work for people with dementia and you can make a huge difference to their days and to their families.

Agencies have different working patterns but mine had two types of carers, 'permanent' and 'cover'. The permanent carer ideally stayed years and took one or two weeks off every six weeks (that's when I would go there). However many off the carers who came from abroad would work for many, many months without taking any time off because, understandably, they wanted to earn as much money as possible, but I don't think they should have been allowed to not take their holidays.

I've never kept in touch with clients after leaving, though I did often return to clients as holiday cover. And a couple of times a client's family phoned me, weeks after I'd left, to let me know their relative had died.

Invariably I was treated kindly and respectfully by the family, sometimes the clients behaviour was rude but that was almost always a result of their dementia or other illness, or them being in pain or scared. Once I was treated as 'help' and I refused to stay.

@MisschiefMaker oh and when I started 15 years ago I earned between £400 and ££500 a week, depending on the needs of the client. More recently (since Brexit I think) the rate has never been less than £650 a week. We get travel to our placement paid and a weekly food allowance of £40pw too.

@purpleme12 I almost always worked for people with dementia as those were the placements I found most interesting and rewarding. Occasionally people coming home from hospital after a stroke, or a serious operation.

@JudyGemstone ha no, nothing like that! Almost always very ordinary homes, they just have to have a spare bedroom for the carer. The majority of clients were self-funding but generally didn't live in grand houses. I loved getting to stay in all different parts of England though and explore the area on my two hours off each day.

Sorry to ask but do you help with toiletting?

My FIL's respite carer did not but I assume because you live in, you do? Totally respect what you do. The families must be so grateful.

Do you need to have special training to do this?

Although you mentioned your rate (+ travel costs and food allowance), is that the rate the families are paying or is it more (due to agency fees etc)

Do you have to be physically strong for this role?

I imagine that if a carer was slight it might be more of a struggle to manage a big male client with dementia.

When you say live in, do you eat meals with the family?
Or sort your own meals in their kitchen or what?

@blueshoes absolutely I do! My job is to provide every aspect of care that the client needs, unless it is medical in which case a district nurse visits, or if hoists are used then I have to wait until the daily carers visit and we do that together.

Toiletting needs are actually a really big part of the job in almost all placements. Clients are often really embarrassed by their incontinence so I take great care to approach it in a way that most helps the client - some prefer a brisk approach, some a more chatty and sympathetic one. Keeping people clean is vital for their physical and emotional health. I used to work in elderly care homes where we didn't have time to take such a personalised approach, which is one of the reasons I loved being a live-in-carer.

Did you/have you considered becoming a registered nurse? You could be doing a very similar job, but being paid more.

Thank you @24hourday for the kind and sensitive way you approach it and the fact that you are prepared to help. Your clients and their family must truly be grateful.

@blueshoes my agency puts all carers through a one week residential course before we start. It was surprisingly good. I had a level 3 in Health and Social Care and two years experience working in an elderly care home, but you don't need either of these.

I think the client pays around £1k (or more depending on the level of need) a week to the agency.

I wouldn't say you have to be physically strong in most placements, it's more about your skills and communication, but yes that could be necessary sometimes. I've not found it though.

Was just thinking that. Especially if you do agency work. I got paid £524 for doing one back holiday night shift. (Would love to say I earned it, but it was easy money)

@purpleme12 it completely depends on the client. Almost all clients are living alone and often feel happier if you eat at the same time as them, it's nice and sociable. Occasionally you can involve them in preparing the meals too. If they're not eating enough, having company sometimes encourages them to eat more. But some of my clients with more advanced dementia need help to eat so you can't eat at the same time.

My 98 year old Gran has a live-in carer. She is an absolute godsend and has a very evident love and kindness for my Gran. She holds her hand when she’s talking to her and they genuinely smile at each other (as well as caring for her needs with dignity and kindness). So much time for my Grans carer, physically tough job and we completely appreciate everything she does. Great carers are an absolute godsend 🙏🏼

How do you find a carer?